(We go to Castle Bleck’s meeting hall. Count Bleck and Co. are discussing something with Dimentio.)
Count Bleck: Did you leave the fridge open all last night?
Dimentio: I have more important things to discuss. I have finally decided to let all of you do your own Interviews. Nastasia: Why?
Dimentio: Because I love you all!
(At this the entire crew start rolling on the floor with laughter. Dimentio gets an anime sweat drop. The crew get back on their chairs.)
Count Bleck: What’s the real reason?
Dimentio: Fine, I’ll tell, like a director announcing his new movie. Lemmy tells me I have been doing all the Interviews myself for the fame. Not true! Anyway, either all of you do Interviews occasionally, or I can say goodbye to-
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!
Dimentio: A little early.
(Lemmy rolls back to his castle.)
Count Bleck: Fine. We will interview except me. I already interviewed once and I don’t think I want to interview again.
Dimentio: Fine. Everyone else, get in a line. I will choose who will interview today.
(They all get in a neat line. Dimentio snaps his fingers and three more clones appear. They all start charging their starbursts. At the sight of this the members start running away, and it’s like a game of dodgeball.)
Dimentio: Whoever gets hit by the real me will interview.
(He and his clones start shooting out dozens of starbursts. At first they all dodge easily but then Nastasia trips and Dimentio shoots a starburst towards her.)
O’Chunks: NOOOOOOO-POW!
Dimentio: Looks like O’Chunks is our man!
Nastasia: Oh, thank you, O’Chunks.
O’Chunks: My pleasure, lass. Ugh…
Dimentio: Oh, on second thought, maybe this isn’t a good idea. Oh well. I need to go meet Red Shy Guy at Starbeans Café, like two undercover spies sharing secret information. Ciao!
(Dimentio teleports to Starbeans Café. Nastasia goes over to her schedule and sees something shocking.)
Nastasia: Oh boy. Uh, O’Chunks?
O’Chunks: Yeah?
Nastasia: You’re interviewing… Bowser!
(DUN DUN DUN!)
O’Chunks: Nothin’ to worry about, lass. I’m sure the lad doesn’t hold eh grudge.
Announcer: Live from Dimension D is the greatest interview show on Plit-
Count Bleck: Dark Koopa?
Announcer: No.
Count Bleck: P.T.?
Announcer: No.
Count Bleck: Phantos67?
Announcer: No!
Count Bleck: zz1666?
Announcer: NO! Dimentio Interview Show!
Count Bleck: Huh? I thought a more professional interviewer would be considered to hold that title. Dimentio made the announcer conceited like him.
Announcer: Shut up! Today O’Chunks will interview the King of the Koopas himself, Bowser!
(The audience members clap as O’Chunks and Bowser come from behind the stage.)
O’Chunks: Aye, Bowser old lad, how are ya?
Bowser: Erg, not bad I guess.
O’Chunks: Bowser lad, are ye still upset about losing to me in the Sports Hall?
Bowser: Shut up and ask the questions!
O’Chunks: All right lad, simmer down. Question 1, how do ye fell about yer kids?
Bowser: Well here is the lowdown: Larry is too weak when it comes to plants. Morton, I wish I could rip his mouth off. Roy, if I declared him king of Dark Land his first decree would be to put me behind bars! Wendy, well, she would be too busy shopping to do any REAL ruling. Iggy, well, ‘nuff said. Lemmy would make a peace treaty with the MK and make Dark Land his own circus! Ludwig is the only person I trust to rule my kingdom with an iron, possibly mechanical, fist. However his love towards that mutant really makes me sick.
O’Chunks: Okay lad, answer us this: Why do you go after Peach if you’re happily married?
Bowser: (Oh crud, I’m busted! What to do?! What to do?! Better hope Clawdia isn’t watching this!) Uh… *clears throat* Well I guess ever since I was a baby when I lay eyes on her mumble, mumble…
O’Chunks: Bowser, lad. Answer the question er else you’ll answer to my fist.
Bowser: Well, um, I kidnap Peach, one, to lure Mario into a trap so I can finally defeat him; two, if I marry her I will be the official king of the Mushroom Kingdom; three, uh, well, I… like her.
Audience: Well we kind of figured that out.
(Bowser turns bright red and proceeds to breathe out fire at the audience. O’Chunks tackles him and gets him in a neck hold.)
O’Chunks: Question 3, do you *erg* think you will one day finally defeat Mario?
Bowser: I *gasp* already did! In *wheeze* Paper Mario I defeated him. That is *cough* at least one defeat.
(O’Chunks lets go of Bowser, who starts catching his breath.)
O’Chunks: Question 4, how did you meat Clawdia?
Bowser: I was on vacation after my defeat in SMB1. Kamek came one day, telling me that if I didn’t get a wife I could no longer be King of Dark Land. It was one disastrous date after another. Then one day while I was down on a beach near Dark Land, I bumped into her. It wasn’t a good first impression on my part, but Kamek soon helped me win her heart. We got married and the rest is history.
O’Chunks: Question 5, Bowser lad, did you really mutate yer brother just to be king?
Bowser: Yes! Bwa ha ha ha ha! And I’m not ashamed of it either! I would make a better king than that fat old frog!
O’Chunks: Well I’m out, so the remaining audience, please ask questions. Ah yes, the lad in seat HEADMALEMAGIKOOPA!
Kamek: How do you feel about your favorite son, Bowser Jr, being on the good side?
(Bowser starts to break out in tears but soon pulls himself together.)
Bowser: Well after the accident with the Ztars I can’t blame him much for changing his views on which side to be on. Still I love him.
O’Chunks: Seat WOMENISECRETLYLOVE!
Peach: Why don’t you kidnap Daisy for a change?!
Bowser: Bwa ha ha ha! That’s a good one! She may be very hot but her land is so puny and worthless. No, my sight still belongs on your land.
O’Chunks: Seat AWSOMEINTERVIEWER!
Dark Koopa: In Super Mario Galaxy how was it you learned the secret to traveling around galaxies?
Bowser: Since Rosalina’s Stars were a bit more special, I learned how to Ztar Spin- basically the dark opposite of Mario’s (or Luigi’s) Star Spin. Just like the Star Spin, I could use it to travel around the universe.
O’Chunks: Seat GREATESFUNFICWRITER!
Chef Torte: In Super Mario Sunshine, how did you get King Boo to vork vith you if you two are bitter enemies?
Bowser: Well we both had a common goal: defeat Mario and Luigi. However after he got defeated I fired him from my troop and he said he would defeat them first, then go after me second.
O’Chunks: Finally, seat PASSIONATEWRITER!
Teela Yoshi: Why are you so down on Yoshis?
Bowser: Thanks to them, Mario is still alive. That’s why I took over Dinosaur Land, to get rid of Yoshis! Now I have one as a stepdaughter, and her freakish Yoshi friend in my castle constantly!
Teela: You should be more appreciative as I saved your shell, remember?
Bowser: mumble, mumble. Can I go now?!
O’Chunks: Yes lad, you can go.
(Bowser leaves Dimension D, as does everyone else. They go back to Castle Bleck and see Dimentio.)
Dimentio: I watched the show from the café. Adequate enough job, O’Chunks.
O’Chunks: Thanks, lad!
Dimentio: Next time the little bald twerp is interviewing, for I soon have another co-Interview to do. So see you all next time. Ciao!
(END TRANSMISSION)
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