TANK: Welcome to Lemmy’s Interview Show. Lemmy, for some reason, has disappeared.
(Lemmy begins screaming from the hallway.)
Audience: WOAH! DID YOU HEAR THAT?!
TANK: No. Today I will be interviewing Koopa.
(Koopa walks onstage and screams after seeing the dead Goomba from last time.)
TANK: Oh shut up!
Koopa: Okay.
TANK: First question, why did you join Bowser?
Koopa: We joined him because he is a Koopa just like us. He is smart, strong, and a good leader.
(Bowser can be seen through a window, beating up a brick wall with a Koopa.)
TANK: Right. Do you like sports?
Koopa: Yeah. We like tennis, baseball, golf, and racing.
TANK: What about hockey?
Koopa: Hockey?
TANK: Never mind. Why do you come in different colors?
Koopa: Gender. Green ones are male and red ones are female.
TANK: What about the ones with yellow or purple or any other colored shell?
Koopa: Those painted themselves to represent their favorite color.
TANK: When Mario jumped on you and you retreated into your shell, were you still alive when Mario kicked you?
Koopa: Yeah we were, we were just too scared to come out.
TANK: Coward. Why did some Koopas get armor?
Koopa: They were a higher rank, and Bowser is a cheap-
TANK: Yes, we all know Bowser is a cheapskate. Why do some Koopas know magic?
Koopa: They were altered with a Star Rod, which made them magical.
TANK: Three more. What is your favorite role in the Mario games?
Koopa: Anything we didn’t get killed in.
(Mario can be seen scraping dead Koopas off his shoe.)
Koopa: ULP!
TANK: Why do some Koopas have wings?
Koopa: They were either born with them or they were mutated.
TANK: Last one. Why did some Koopas where masks to look like Mario?
Koopa: Because those were assassins. They would dress up like Mario and get close to Luigi, Toads, or other things, and would try to kill them.
TANK: Creepy…
TANK looks at the audience and sees that they all look like Mario.
TANK: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Koopa: Don’t worry, those are just masks.
TANK: I know. I was bit by a mosquito.
Koopa: Right.
TANK: WHAT WAS THAT?!
Koopa: Nothing.
TANK: Okay. Audience time. Seat 15.
Spiny: Why did red Koopas not walk off edges in Super Mario Brothers?
Koopa: No one really knows. It might be because they were sent in earlier
TANK: Seat 90.
Lakitu: I can fly. Can you? No you can’t, HAHAHA!
(Koopa grabs TANK’s grenade launcher and blows up the Lakitu.)
TANK: Give me that back!
(Koopa aims the grenade launcher at TANK.)
TANK: Ummm… Please?
(Koopa gives him the grenade launcher.)
TANK: Thank you. Seat 4.
Waluigi: WAH!
(TANK presses a button which makes a Piranha Plant rise and eat Waluigi.)
Nelson: HAHA!
(The same happens to Nelson.)
TANK: Anyone else?
(Everyone screams.)
TANK: SILENCE!
(Everyone gets eaten by a Piranha Plant.)
Paragoomba: HAHA! MISSED ME!
(TANK presses a button which makes a Piranha Plant rise and spit a fireball at the Paragoomba, who falls and then gets eaten.)
Koopa: Well it’s just us now.
TANK: Are you coming on to me?
Koopa: Yes I am.
(TANK makes a Thwomp crush the Koopa, who then gets burned by a Podoboo and blown up by a Bob-omb.)
TANK: Well I guess I will-
Lemmy (from hallway): END TRANSMISSION!
(TANK presses a button which makes the hallway cave in.)
TANK: TUNE IN NEXT TIME.
(TANK blows up the camera with his grenade launcher.)
TANK: I love this thing.
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