Slike: Thwomp, would you be kind enough to go above the doorway?
Thwomp: Sure, Slike… Are you okay?
Slike: When I say “to” I want you smashing down immediately, okay?
Thwomp: Slike, did you take your crazy pills this morning?
Slike: Welcome to…
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview sh- FOAUGIHJAURNIERGHAUIGH!
Slike: I don’t recall that being “immediately”, but whatever. Now Thwomp, tell me who I’m interviewing!
Thwomp: I thought Boom Boom was supposed to find someone.
Flying Boom Boom: I thought Hammer Bro was supposed to!
Hammer Bro: I’M BORED.
Slike: Aww, whatever. I’m supposed to babysit my nephew, we can interview him. TANOOMBA, COME OUT FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN!
(A Tanoomba comes out from behind the curtain.)
Slike: This is my nephew, Tanoomba, everyone. He’s a mista- I mean a small bundle of coolness.
Tanoomba: Thanks, Uncle Slike!
Slike: Aww, you make me sound like a greasy drunkard when ya say that! Anyways, Tanoomba, who’s your mother?
Tanoomba: My mommy is a Goomba! She’s really nice!
Slike: And your father is a Tanooki, correct?
Tanoomba: Yup! He’s your brother, isn’t he, Uncle Slike?
Slike: Yeah, but I felt like clarifying it for the audience to explain why you’re… such a rare species!
Tanoomba: Thanks!
Slike: Sure, whatever. I see you have a leaf on your head. When you transform into something, why is it still on your head? Not to mention your tail.
Tanoomba: You know what, Uncle Slike?
Slike: (under his breath) Augh…
Tanoomba: Those two things are related! You know how if Mario gets a leaf, he gains a tail and ears? It’s like, the same thing for me! I’m not 100 percent Tanooki, so I need that magical leaf on my head to help me be more Tanooki like, so that I can transform! Watch!
Everyone: Ooooh! Aaaaaaw. AAAAHHHHHH! Ooooh! Aaaaaw. Awwwww!
Thwomp: That was scary, yet adorable!
Slike: That’s my nephew. Audience questions?
Hammer Bro: Is there any limit to what you can turn into?
Slike: Wow, that was surprisingly calm of you.
Hammer Bro: That last transformation was just so cute!
Tanoomba: Well, yeah. It’s a limit pretty much ignored by all Tanookis, AND Tanoombas. See, we’re kind of like Mario, in the sense that we have FP. Depending on the power of what we turn into, we lose a certain amount of FP. We tend to go with easy things, like Thwomps, balloons, shells, and sometimes statues, since three out of four of those aren’t very powerful.
Thwomp: Aww, I’m touched!
Tanoomba: Oh, I was talking about the balloon.
(insert Dark Koopa joke here)
Thwomp: Eh?
Flying Boom Boom: WHAT?! I have a spiny shell, and I don’t recall balloons being stronger than me!
Tanoomba: Anyways, a Tanoomba could probably turn into a hundred-foot-tall fire breathing dragon if it WANTED to, but after the fight, it would be defenseless without FP, and would have to rest for the remainder of the night.
Flying Boom Boom: Night?
Tanoomba: Hello, we’re practically raccoons! We’re obviously going to be nocturnal!
Flying Boom Boom: When you turned into a Thwomp, HOW IN BLAZES did the Mario Brothers actually knock you back into the air?
Tanoomba: You know what, I have no idea! In the Beanbean Kingdom, I think it’s because they had really good hammers. I don’t know HOW they did it on Thwomp Mountain. I wasn’t born yet at the time, but I know that the Brothers got their hammers from Hammer Brothers, and Hammer Brothers have really, REALLY weak hammers. I think the Tanookis didn’t know how to turn into a Thwomp properly back then.
Hammer Bro: WHAT DID YOU SAY ‘BOUT MY HAMMER?!
Slike373: Well, Tanoomba, you’ve successfully managed to anger all of my workers. <>I haven’t even been able to do that! Wanna join the crew?
Tanoomba: Do I?!
Slike373: Yes, that’s my question.
Tanoomba: No, I mean I’m not sure.
Slike373: Say yes.
Slike’s Crew: NOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tanoomba: Yes!
Slike: Yes!
Meanwhile...
Lemmy: No, I’m NOT a pancake! Do you see syrup! Wait… That’s just me bleeding from that Thwomp hitting me! I’m telling you now, I am NOT a pancake! NOOOHOOHOOOOOO!
Chain Chomp: Arf! Arf!
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