Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!
Dark Koopa: Nice to get that out of the way early. I was going to ask who Indiana Joe is, but now I'm too distracted. Instead I'll just interview this mystery person.
Indiana Joe: I'm not coming out!
Dark Koopa: And why not?
Indiana Joe: You're a Koopa.
Dark Koopa: That's a good thing.
Indiana Joe: I have... KOOPAPHOBIA!
Dark Koopa: That's not a real phobia. That was just a plot device. Now come out.
Indiana Joe: No way, Ray.
Dark Koopa: My name is not Ray.
Count Blacula: Ray.
Dark Koopa: Who keeps letting you in here?
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Indiana Joe: AHH, GET AWAY!
Lemmy: You... have no face.
Dark Koopa: Pura, interview this guy.
Pura: No.
Dark Koopa: Thumbs?
Thumbs: I would if I wasn't a Koopa.
Dark Koopa: Lakitus aren't Koopas.
Thumbs: Yes they are. I have a shell.
Dark Koopa: That makes you a hobo.
Gloomtail: Ooh, I'll do it!
Dark Koopa: Yeah, you're not scary at all.
(Indiana Joe walks out to see Gloomtail in the interviewer chair. Gloomtail grins.)
Indiana Joe: Hello.
Gloomtail: Why aren't you running in fea- YOU HAVE NO FACE!
Indiana Joe: Eh?
Gloomtail: Wow, that's... REALLY CREEPY!
Indiana Joe: I'm insulted.
Gloomtail: Why don't you have a face? Seriously.
Indiana Joe: Accident in workshop class, Chaz.
Gloomtail: Some accident- Did you just call me Chaz?
Indiana Joe: Yes.
Gloomtail: Don't. How are you a Mario character again?
Indiana Joe: I appeared in the Super Mario Brothers: Super Show episode called Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Gloomtail: Sounds unimportant. Much less important than myself, but then again, who isn't?
Everyone in Audience: Me.
(Gloomtail megabreaths the audience.)
Gloomtail: And what do you do for a living?
Indiana Joe: I'm a treasure hunter, though I was briefly a babysitter.
Gloomtail: Hahaha, that's pathetic!
Indiana Joe: I would not make fun of me. I am a very skilled treasure hunter.
Gloomtail: No you're not. Just FACE it. Hahaha! Get it?
(Indiana Joe proceeds to tie up Gloomtail with his whip.)
Gloomtail: ... Hey! This shouldn't even be physically possible!
Indiana Joe: Hah.
Gloomtail: We shall go to audience questions while I get myself untied. I will then proceed to DESTROY no-face over here.
(Larry raises his arm.)
Indiana Joe: Gah! Koopa!
Larry: I didn't ask anything yet.
Indiana Joe: Gah!
Larry: ... Whatever.
Indiana Joe: Seat 45.
Lord Crump: Why don't you have a face?
Indiana Joe: I believe I answered that. Seat 66.
Wendy: Why don't you have a face?
Indiana Joe: All right, does anyone here have a question that doesn't have something to do with my face?
(The audience is silent. Indiana Joe sighs.)
Wendy: How come you didn't scream when you saw me? I'm a Koopa.
Indiana Joe: ACK!
Wendy: That's better.
Larry: Pretty sure you're used to people screaming when they see you anyway.
Wendy: Oh, and how can you tell who's a Koopa when you, like, don't have eyes?
Indiana Joe: I can smell them easily.
Wendy: But you don't have a nose either.
Indiana Joe: ... Hear them?
Wendy: Uh huh...
Dark Koopa: Guess we have to add that one to the unsolved mysteries.
(The Unsolved Mysteries theme plays.)
Dark Koopa: No.
Indiana Joe: Gah!
Dark Koopa: Oh shut up.
Gloomtail: Aha! I am free! Now as much as I would like to destroy you, I am bound to my duty to ask more questions!
Pura: No one is forcing you to ask questions.
Gloomtail: Good point!
(Gloomtail stomps on Indiana Joe, then exits the studio, making a large hole.)
Lemmy: My roof again?! I really need to consider editing Gloomtail out of submissions.
Indiana Joe: Pain...
Lemmy: Hello.
Indiana Joe: Gah! Koopa... Too weak to scream...
Lemmy: I'll be asking the questions now! I noticed you had some children around when you had your babysitting job. People actually live in Jungle Land?
Indiana Joe: Here and there... Mostly other treasure hunters.
Lemmy: Where is this Jungle Land anyway?
Indiana Joe: About 10 miles south of Lavalava Island.
Lemmy: Pretty glad it wasn't in Paper Mario. Now, if you were such a skilled treasure hunter and knew the location of every treasure in Jungle Land, why did you need a new job in the first place?
Indiana Joe: I never KEPT the treasures. I gave them to a museum or something similar, free of charge.
Lemmy: Are you stupid or something?
Indiana Joe: No.
Lemmy: Yes.
Indiana Joe: Gah, Koopa!
Lemmy: ... Right. Why didn't the Mario Gang comment on your lack of a face?
Indiana Joe: They were being polite, I guess, Jess.
Lemmy: Jess...? Never mind. That's a bit too polite, even for those dimwits. Did you teach them how to use a whip when you were with them?
Indiana Joe: I did for about... five minutes, but then I realized had were no hope and told them they were naturals, hoping Bowser and his group were as pathetic as they were.
Lemmy: Sadly, they were. Silly King Dad. Oh, and about your Koopaphobia...
Indiana Joe: Gah, Koopa!
Lemmy: Yes. About that... You were aware that the only Koopas in the entire area were Bowser and a single Koopa Troopa, right?
Indiana Joe: But surely there was something in the temple...
Lemmy: Just a Fryguy and a couple Cobrats.
Indiana Joe: Well, how was I supposed to know?!
Lemmy: By using your eyes. Oh wait, you don't have a face.
Indiana Joe: Can I run away in fear now?
Lemmy: Might as well.
(Indiana Joe does so.)
Waluigi: Man, what a coward.
Lemmy: ...
Waluigi: What? ... Oh, I get it. Well, you know what? I'm not going to do it. I'm not-
King Boo: Boo.
(Waluigi screams and jumps out the nearest window.)
Lemmy: End transmission.
()
Gloomtail: Knock knock knock! Oh, hello!
Roy: Leave me alone already!
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