the game prince: Welcome to my first Interview in Lemmy's Land! Of course, you're all here so you have no choice...
Audience: Boo! Not funny!
Boo in audience: Hmph!
the game prince: Well get used to it! If you think I talk too much, then wait until you see who I'm interviewing!
Random Audience Member: Probably someone dumb!
the game prince: Yeah, but... Wait, what does it matter? Ugh, never mind. I'm interviewing Morton.
(The audience yells and some tourists attempt to escape. Morton walks onstage with Ludwig.)
Ludwig: Hey! Take this thing if you know what's good for you!
(Ludwig tosses the game prince a clicker. Ludwig also runs away.)
the game prince: Hmm, I wonder what this does...
(the game prince clicks the button and Morton gets zapped hard by a device strapped to his arms.)
the game prince: Hey, this could be useful!
(The tourists trying to find the door sigh in relief and sit down. Others pull objects off their ears.)
Morton: So ask me a question already! I like questions! Why? I like talking! Does that count as a question? What if we all were asking questions? Then the place would be loud! I don't like loud unless it is a funny noise like a...
(the game prince remembers the clicker and zaps Morton.)
Morton: OW! Wuzzat for? Man, you must be a tough critic. And I don't mean strong. Look at you, so weak-
(ZAP!)
Morton: Ow... So weak, you don't have a shell, and no muscles; you're scrawny!
(ZAP!)
the game prince: Before Morton can say another word-
Morton: WEDDING CAKE IS SUPER TASTY AND-
(ZAP!)
the game prince: First question. Morton, why do you make the floor shake in Super Mario World when you fall?
Morton: You see, I am a Koopa of taste, I like tasting different things, because I believe everything tastes good, what do your socks taste like-
(ZAP!)
Morton: Sorry. I especially like to eat wedding cake because it's soooooo tasty, but it's full of calories but I don't care. Does that answer your question?
the game prince: I find it hard to believe that you eat so much you can cause tremors when you jump.
Morton: I find it hard to understand that your name has no proper nouns. Why does it-
(ZAP!)
the game prince: I'M running this Interview! SECOND QUESTION! Why in the world do you talk so much I need to zap you constantly?
Morton: There's so much in the world that needs to be admired, so much I can show others. I use my words to do so.
the game prince: Wow, Morton! That's the first question yet that I didn't need to use the buzzer-
Morton: Flowers are so fragile, the cows that roam the fields are so precious for dairy uses...
(ZAP!)
the game prince: Perhaps I have spoken too soon. QUESTION THREE! Why haven't you appeared in many games since Hotel Mario?
Morton: Hotel Mario was embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as Mario's Time Machine, man! I mean-
(ZAP!)
Morton: Okay, okay! I guess Bowser sees no need to use our mad skills anymore since Mario trounces us so much. Do you feel sorry for me?
the game prince: I feel sorry for the other Koopalings, not you so much.
Morton: WHAT? But I'm as valuable as the cows I told you about earlier! I mean, for instance...
(the game prince reaches for his buzzer.)
Morton: WAIT! Don't zap! It hurts! It also hurts that you don't respect me as much as my siblings and...
(the game prince holds the buzzer.)
Morton: QUESTION THE FOURTH!
the game prince: Okay, my last question is... What is wrong with you?!
Morton: I beg your pardon, your confirmation, your excuse, your de-
(ZAP!)
Morton: ...
(The audience gasps. This seems to be the first time in Interview history where Morton kept quiet an entire line. Suddenly, about 500 hands shoot up for audience questions.)
the game prince: Well, then! Audience question time! (Now you guys put up with him!)
Morton: Yay for me! I get to talk to more people than this scrawny little-
(ZAP!)
the game prince: SEAT Fancy Goomba!
Goomba King: Was that the first time in history that you kept quiet?
Morton: As hard, difficult, impossible, brutal-
(ZAP!)
Morton: As hard as it is to believe, no. In Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga, I had no dialogue.
Audience: ...
Morton: Yeah, just like that! However, I did roar, but that's not dialogue then, is it?
the game prince: SEAT Superstar Twins!
Mario: You didn't say nothing, did you?
Luigi: Yeah!
Morton: No, I did not!
Lemmy: That doesn't count as a good question.
the game prince: Pssst! Hey, Lemmy! Do I get a raise for trying to put up with Morton?
Lemmy: No, I don't pay you.
the game prince: No, I mean in my Koopaling votes!
Lemmy: That is a good question, but you should be interviewing the fat guy.
the game prince: ... I don't get any Koopaling votes for this? NOOOO!
(the game prince repeatedly zaps Morton.)
(ZAP!)
(ZAP!)
(ZAP!)
(ZAP!)
(ZAP!)
(ZAP!)
(ZAP!)
(ZAP!)
the game prince: Take this, MORON!
Morton: Googly boogly! I feel like buh-tuuuur!
Everyone in audience: O_O
the game prince: LAST QUESTION, AUDIENCE.
Luigi: How come you were small in that one TV show, but now you’re massive?
Morton: Er, I gained a few pounds over the 20 years since that show was running?
Luigi: LIAR! You ain't 20 years old!
Morton: (weeping) Oh, I thought nobody would notice!
(Morton runs off the set and then the game prince zaps him and his scream can be heard a few yards away.)
Lemmy: That was a strange Interview...
Audience: NOW can we leave?
the game prince: Sure, go ahead, I don't want any of you creatures in my studio anymore!
Mario: HEY!
the game prince: Yep, keep movin'.
Lakitu: Er, Mister Game Prince, you forgot to say "END SUBMISSION".
the game prince: Oh, but I thought it was "END TRANSMISSION"?
Lakitu: Not anymore. This is a submission.
the game prince: Right then...
(END "SUBMISSION"!)
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