King White Goomba: Hmm… My first Interview…
White Goomba Minion: So who are you going to interview?
King White Goomba: Ahh… Here come the slackers now.
(Two white Goombas come out of a door holding a Poltergust 3000.)
King White Goomba: Ok, RELEASE THE INTERVIEWEES!
(The white Goombas press a big red button and the orange, pink, blue, and green ghosts come out and start flying everywhere.)
King White Goomba: If you stupid things don’t come down right now, bad things will happen to you.
(A banana peel comes down on King White Goomba. King White Goomba pulls out a remote with a big red button on it and somehow presses it. Then the POLTERGUST 5000½ comes out of the floor and sucks the ghosts in.)
King White Goomba: Now, for an audience.
(Death music plays.)
King White Goomba: TURN THAT OFF!!!
Random Soldier: RIGHT!!!
King White Goomba: ONLY USE ONE EXCLAMATION MARK!!!
Random Soldier: BUT YOU USED THREE RIGHT THERE!
King White Goomba: You’re hearing things.
(King White Goomba goes outside and comes back in with a full audience.)
Random Soldier: Where did they come from?
King White Goomba: Never underestimate the power of bribes.
(King White Goomba lets the ghosts free and they surprisingly behave.)
King White Goomba: YOU! Ask a question.
Koopa: Aren’t you supposed to do audience questions last?
King White Goomba: Not a good enough question. YOU! Ask a question.
Boo: What did you think of us being in the mansion?
Pink Ghost: Well, you were in that cellar for most of the time, and the rest of the time you were hiding. We really never noticed you Boos much.
King White Goomba: NEXT!!! YOU!!!
Koopa: Ahh!
(The Koopa hides in his shell.)
King White Goomba: Loser. Is there anyone else in the audience who would like to ask a question?
Wario: Will you give me money every time I come here?
(King White Goomba presses another big red button and Wario is ejected.)
King White Goomba: A question for the ghosts?
Waluigi: Why do the green ghosts throw banana peels?
Orange Ghost: The green ghosts are actually the spirits of apes that live in the forest outside of the mansion. Their spirits can’t make monkey sounds though.
(The green ghost throws a banana peel at Waluigi.)
King White Goomba: One more decent question from the audience.
Mario: Did you guys know that I was captured?
Blue Ghost: No.
Pink Ghost: Never saw you in my life.
(King White Goomba pulls out a sniper rifle.)
King White Goomba: I will spare the next person to ask a question.
E. Gadd: I saw the mansion disappear! How are those ghosts still here?
Blue Ghost: When Luigi sucked up King Boo, the mansion lost all of the power that kept it standing. A lot of ghosts like us and Boos that weren’t in the first mansion joined up to build up a mansion that was harder to find. It has not yet been found.
White Goomba Soldier: OR HAS IT?!
Blue Ghost: No.
(The white Goomba soldier goes into a back room and comes back with survival equipment.)
White Goomba Soldier: Well, I’m going mansion hunting. See ya!
(He leaves.)
King White Goomba: All of you will die if I don’t get one more question.
Grodus: What would happen if you lost your second mansion?
Orange Ghost: We’ll do the same thing as last time. And the Boos in our new mansion aren’t going to send out letters saying you won our mansion!
(A Boo in the audience starts whistling and floating toward the door.)
King White Goomba: Yay! All of these puny mortals got their questions out. Why do you have the attacks you have?
Orange Ghost: Well, I only know one attack, and that’s what I use.
Pink Ghost: Same as Orange.
Blue Ghost: I actually know more than one attack, so I just use the most damaging one. Green here is too stupid to attack at all.
King White Goomba: How long has your mansion been around?
Pink Ghost: Quite a while. The Boos built it a while back. E. Gadd came about 20 years after it was built. King Boo only moved into the mansion a few years before E. Gadd found it, and he sent the letter to Luigi shortly after E. Gadd arrived.
King White Goomba: K. What were you before you were ghosts?
Orange Ghost: We don’t know. We only know what Green was because we saw an Ukiki die and a new green ghost was suddenly in the mansion.
(King White Goomba makes the Poltergust 5000½ suck in the orange ghost, and then shoots him back out a minute later.)
Orange Ghost: I REMEMBER NOW! I was a Toad, I don’t know what Blue was, and Pink was other creatures.
Boo in audience: The Blue Ghost was actually a successful experiment that we did to try to protect the mansion better.
King White Goomba: Fascinating. I can’t come up with another question.
Random Soldier: How was it like in the Poltergust 3000?
Pink Ghost: It was very roomy actually, or it was until it was full of portrait ghosts. When a boss ghost was shoved in that thing it was REALLY cramped.
King White Goomba: Hmm… Ask another one, Soldier.
Same Random Soldier: Where is your mansion compared to Princess Peach’s castle?
Blue Ghost: I believe we are just outside the Mushroom Kingdom. I can’t see any Toads from the balcony.
King White Goomba: Now those ghosts that strangle you when they get you, tell me about them.
Pink Ghost: Those were burglars that tried to get some of the treasure in the mansion. They came in but never came out, if you know what I mean.
King White Goomba: I do. How exactly did you DEAL with them?
Pink Ghost: Same way as we tried to deal with Luigi, but since none of the robbers noticed E. Gadd nor did they have his Poltergust 3000, they were defenseless against us.
King White Goomba: So none of them had a flashlight?
Pink Ghost: Some did, but they eventually went down because they weren’t able to get through the spikes on the doors.
Same Random Soldier: How did those spikes appear on the doors anyway?
Orange Ghost: We’re not sure actually, but I think it was a trap that the Boos made when they built the mansion.
King White Goomba: ONE MORE AUDIENCE QUESTION!!!
Koopatrol: Do you like your mansion?
Orange Ghost: Well, we all choose a room and just stay in there forever, but yeah, the mansion is nice.
King White Goomba: Great, now all of you get out of my dungeon.
Boo: Why?
White Goomba Soldier: Because of this.
(He goes and presses a big red button and a huge cannon comes out of the wall. The whole audience runs away along with the ghosts.)
King White Goomba: Nice. I shall call you BoBo and you will be my top minion.
BoBo: Sweet, I think.
King White Goomba: Now to end this.
Random Soldier: WAIT!
(The soldier that went “mansion hunting” crashes through the roof of the dungeon.)
King White Goomba: So, any luck?
Soldier: Well, I found it, but I think the ghosts are taking security more seriously…
Blue Ghost: HA! We decided to put all of the most powerful ghosts at the entrance so that no one could rob us.
King White Goomba: That’s nice.
(King White Goomba presses a big red button.)
(END TRANSMISSION)
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