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VIM interviews KINGFIN
 
By 1-up Boo

(At the end of their last Interview 1-up Boo’s studio sort of got destroyed by a Bob-omb… So now all that’s left of it is ashes…)

Vim: … You HAD to get him mad…

1-up Boo: Oh quiet you, that Bob-omb just had a bad temper is all.

Vim: … All Bob-ombs have a bad temper!

1-up Boo: Silence.

Vim: So now what?

(1-up Boo looks at the audience to see only an ash-covered Goomba left.)

1-up Boo: I have no idea…

Hours pass...

1-up Boo: I spy with my ghostly evil eye… something… black.

Vim: The ashes?

1-up Boo: … Cheater.

Vim: Okay, how can I cheat at “I spy”?

1-up Boo: You just can.

Vim: Yeah… sure…

1-up Boo: I’m bored.

Vim: SO REPAIR THE STUDIO!

1-up Boo: Well first we have to get rid of all this ash.

(1-up Boo pulls out some weird white phone and dials a number.)

1-up Boo: Yeah, Toad Cleanup Incorporated? Yeah, I need you to *whisper, whisper* right away. Yes, I will pay you.

(He throws the phone on the ground and it blows up somehow.)

Vim: … What was with the whispering?

1-up Boo: I’m making it dramatic.

Vim: Whoopee.

(A couple minutes later a helicopter holding a GIANT bucket of water flies in.)

1-up Boo: LOWER!

(The bucket lowers.)

1-up Boo: K, that’s good.

(The bucket turns over and tons of water starts to fall out…)

Vim: (while being poured on) What are you doing?!

1-up Boo: (being poured on as well) Cleaning the ashes!

Vim: …

(At the end a giant bone fish thing falls out.)

Toad in helicopter: That’s your tip!

(He leaves. All the ashes are gone.)

1-up Boo: … Is it still alive?

Vim: It’s bones! How can it still be alive?!

(1-up Boo goes up to it.)

1-up Boo: LIVE!

(At that, the bone fish’s eyes glow yellow.)

???: GWAR!

1-up Boo: … I knew it! I can turn dead things to life with MY MIND!

Vim: What is that thing?!

1-up Boo: Silly Vim, it’s obviously a giant bone fish named Kingfin.

Vim: … I’ll ask how you know that later.

1-up Boo: Also, YOU are going to interview him!

Vim: WHY?!

1-up Boo: I need to keep you busy while I’m making repairs.

Vim: But we only have one audience member.

(A wet Goomba is seen in the audience.)

1-up Boo: … I don’t care. Now interview our fishy friend or else!

(1-up Boo floats away to attempt to make repairs.)

Kingfin: Gwar?

Vim: … So… what games were you seen in?

Kingfin: GWAR!

Vim: Problem already!

(1-up Boo throws something at Vim’s head.)

Vim: And this is a what?

1-up Boo: A voice translator. Just put it on his mouth!

Vim: Where did you get this?

1-up Boo: I stole it… I mean I borrowed it. NOW INTERVIEW!

(Vim puts the voice translator thing on Kingfin’s huge mouth.)

Vim: So… what games were you seen in?

Kingfin: Me only seen in Super Mario Galaxy.

Vim: What-

Kingfin: Me only seen in Bonefin Galaxy. Some people think my name is Bonefin but it Kingfin, not Bonefin.

Vim: I see… I can’t think of any questions for this thing-

(Kingfin burps up a folder with some papers in it.)

Vim: … Why do you have documents inside you?

Kingfin: Me don’t know.

Vim: Right… So what do you usually do every day?

Kingfin: Me usually swim and swim some more.

Vim: … That’s it?

Kingfin: Yup.

Vim: I see… Did you make the mechanical little shark things yourself or were they already there?

Kingfin: Me used to just roam in the waters of Deep Dark Galaxy, but me accidentally ram into mines and then me blast off to Bonefin Galaxy. Me find the mechanical shark things there and them like me as well as me like them.

Vim: How did you get a hold of the Star?

Kingfin: The mechanical shark things were regularly keeping it but when I came they give me Star. I hid it in a geyser thing.

Vim: So they gave you the Star for free?

Kingfin: Yup.

Vim: Great. Were you ever a living being in your life?

Kingfin: Me don’t remember. Me guess I was a giant shark or something.

Vim: Do you at least know if your memory was wiped?

Kingfin: Me guess that when I became bones I lose memory.

Vim: What were your fighting skills when Mario came?

Kingfin: Me just swim around while my mechanical fish things try to destroy him.

Vim: All you did was swim around?!

Kingfin: Yup.

Vim: That’s really stupid of you.

Kingfin: GWAR!

Vim: Gwar to you too. Audience questions!

(Vim looks at the audience. All that’s there is the wet Goomba and a Dry Gones.)

Vim: … Oh well. Wet Goomba, ask a question!

Goomba: But I don’t know who he-

(Vim throws the documents at him.)

Vim: There.

Goomba: Umm… Are there any living beings in your galaxy?

Kingfin: Me never pay attention. Me guess no.

Vim: Dry Bones.

Dry Bones: Are you related to Dry Bones?

Knigfin: Me might be related to them. I am bones and do seem a little like them. But me don’t know for sure.

Vim: Why do you not know the answer to so many questions?

Kingfin: Me don’t know.

Vim: …

Vim: Well we need one more question… 1-up Boo!

1-up Boo: (floating towards him) What?

Vim: Ask Kingfin a question.

1-up Boo: Fine. How do the mechanical fish things blow up on contact?

Kingfin: Simple. They have explosives in them just like mines do in Deep Dark galaxy. This how they explode.

Vim: Fascinating.

1-up Boo: Well I’d say you’re done.

Vim: Finally… HOW DID YOU MAKE ALL OF THOSE REPAIRS?!

(1-up Boo has somehow fixed plenty of the studio.)

1-up Boo: I don’t have the slightest clue.

Kingfin: Can me go now?

1-up Boo: … Nah. I’ll keep you and blast you off to the moon when I feel like it.

Vim: … Was I being filmed?

1-up Boo: Nope. The camera blew up.

Vim: Ah…

Kingfin: … Gwar.

1-up Boo: Thanks for telling me.

(END TRANSMISSION)

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