YTtF: Welcome to The Your Twin the Fourth and Phantos67 Super-Duper Traveling Interview Show! Live from Gwarhar Lagoon! Today we are presenting you a special edition interview for Christmas. Our guest today is... Hermie III!
Goomy: ... We could've done without the cheesy show name.
Phantos67: Shut up, ghostie. Anyway, me and YTtF are going somewhere else, so Turbo and Chef Guy are interviewing.
Chef Guy: Ok, Boss.
Turbo: Ok, Boss. Umm... Not you, Phantos, my boss.
Chef Guy: Umm... I'm new to this, so you go first and I'll catch on. I usually stick to cooking.
Wacko: Just wing it.
Chef Guy: Oh, all right. So, Hermie; why is your name Hermie the Third?
Hermie: Umm... Because I'm the third Hermie in my line.
Chef Guy: Who were the first two?
Hermie: Well, Hermie (the first) was a great man, he was Clawgrip's brother. Hermie the Second was my daddy and-
Wacko: You use the word daddy?! HA!
Hermie: ... You're mean.
Wacko: Sorry, it's just funny. Get on with it, please.
Hermie: So, My daddy-
(Wacko giggles.)
Hermie: He was just an average hermit crab. He lived to be really old.
Wacko: How old are you, by the way?
Hermie: It's the other Shy Guy's turn. And you aren't in the title.
(Wacko fumes.)
Turbo: 'Kay. Glad to see you got rid of your lisp.
Hermie: I got hit by a car. That got rid of it. That also explains why my shell is black-and-blue.
Turbo: It is?
Hermie: Yes.
Turbo: K. So, why do you like Christmas?
Hermie: My birthday's on Christmas! And decorations make my shell look nice.
Chef Guy: So, what do you think of the Mario Brothers?
Hermie: They hog all the ladies.
Chef Guy: Ok, how old are you?
Hermie: 100-something.
Chef Guy: Have any kids?
Hermie: Umm... No.
Wacko: WAY OVER THE LIMIT! Turbo gets to ask three if he wants.
Chef Guy: Sorry, I told you I was new.
Wacko: Just don't hog the Interview.
Chef Guy: You’re mean.
Wacko: Sorry.
Chef Guy: No you’re not.
Turbo: Why do you live in Gwarhar Lagoon?
Hermie: Well since I'm a crab I like tropical environments. Gwarhar Lagoon was always nice for me.
Turbo: (He obviously doesn't know Gwarhar's history...) Why is one of your eyes larger than the other?
Hermie: The smaller eye got squished by a falling decoration.
Turbo: Next que-
Meanwhile...
Everyone: GAH!
(Shut up! Anyway, as I was saying...)
YTtF: Are you sure it will work for us?
????: Yes! What I'm offering you will be as effective for you as medicine to a hobo with the flu!
Phantos67: ... You gotta stop it with the similes. Anyway, we'll take it!
Back at Gwarhar...
Chef Guy: So your Aunt Loretta gave you a sweater for your 54th birthday instead of a necktie?
Hermie: Yeah.
(Hermie wipes away a tear)
Wacko: I think I should take over.
G Bloop: No, you’re not in the title.
Wacko: Don't you have a date tonight?
G Bloop: Umm... Yeah... How do you know about that?
Wacko: It's not important, but does the boss know that you’re slipping away tonight to see your Jack Blooper instead of being with the crew?
G Bloop: No. Please don't tell!!!
Wacko: I won't if you let me ask this next question.
G Bloop: Blackmail.
Wacko: Yup. So Hermie, what are your attacks?
Hermie: Well, I can snap at you with my claws, I can also hide in my shell and spit the blue poison bubble at you.
Wacko: Ok, Turbo. Your turn and then we go to audience questions.
Chef Guy: PHANTOS!!! WACKO'S INTERVIEWING WHEN HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO AGAIN!!!
(Phantos67 comes via plothole, beats up Wacko, and returns to wherever he and YTtF are.)
Wacko: Ow... Fine, I'll go.
(Wacko goes away, every once in a while quickly turning around to see if Phantos67 is there.)
Turbo: That's better. So, how did you get the ability to shoot poison bubbles?
Hermie: It all started when Hermie I ate a Poison Shroom. Then an overdue clam he ate caused a reaction that caused him to spit out the bubbles when he burped. Fortunately, this enabled him to survive.
Chef Guy: Ewww... Well, audience question time!
G Bloop: And the audience is...
Thud: THERE IS NO AUDIENCE AND IGGY TWIN NOT HERE TO SUMMON PLOTHOLE!
Chef Guy: Well, just round up some characters and we'll call on them.
Kollin: I'm on it.
(Kollin tells everybody in Gwarhar that they can join in the Christmas feast if they ask a question, and then twenty people come running.)
Chef Guy: Seat G BLOOP'S BOYFRIEND!
G Bloop: What...
Jack Blooper: Just call me J Bloop.
Popple: We'll call you Jack.
Jack: That's fine, dude. Umm... What do you think of Spangle?
Hermie: He's great company and entertainment, he also keeps the ladies around.
(Phantos67 is warped to the scene.)
Phantos67: STOP ALL THIS LOVE STUFF, AND INTERVIEW! G Bloop, we're going to have a talk, but I'm a little busy right now, so please behave, you all!
(Phantos67 is warped back to where he was before.)
YTtF: I DID make the plotholes, Thud! Phantos was with me!
(He goes to where he was.)
Turbo: Seat IWASONYOURSHELL!
Beanstar Piece: Why did you have to take ME out of all the junky power objects here?!
(We see the Beanstar Piece is pointing to a pile of Power Stars, Shine Sprites, Cobalt Star shards, the rest of the Beanstar, Crystal Stars, Pure Hearts, etc.)
Hermie: Uhhhh... YOU'RE SHINY!
Beanstar Piece: Everything there is shiny!
Hermie: What? I can't hear you when you're being digested!
(He eats BP.)
Chef Guy: Seat MY FORMER EMPLOYER!
Wart: Do you celebrate Christmas all year round?
Hermie: I sure do! I celebrate even harder when it really is Christmas.
Popple: I sure am glad he lost his lisp...
Chef Guy: I've never heard it before, but it looks like it was something disturbing to behold.
Kollin: We don't use the word "behold" anymore. It's not cool.
Turbo: Seat YOUATEOURSISTER!
Other Beanstar Pieces: Give BP back. Why are there Sidesteppers during your battle?
Hermie: Duh! I'm a crab, so I asked them to distract Mario and Luigi for coins.
(Hermie throws up BP. The Beanstar reforms and flies away.)
Chef Guy: Seat WIGIT THE PIDGIT!
Wigit the Pigit: Man, I'm getting popular around here. Anyways, how old do your species of hermit crabs live?
Hermie: Oh, I'd say no more than 200 years.
Wigit: Cool, I think I'll stick around for a bit.
Turbo: K. Seat WHADDAYATHINKOMAHBRUDA.
Luigi: Whaddaya think o mah bruda?
Hermie: ... Mario? Eh, he's okay.
YTtF: Hey guys! We're back! We got us an Interview at Dimentio's!
Dimentio: Yes! And now you shall come, like Plit to The Void!
(He then makes a flip window that makes everyone disappear.)
Wigit: AHHHHHH!!! END TRANSMISSION!
(TRANSMISSION ENDED)
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