At Lemmy’s Interview studio at 6:00 AM...
Koopa 13: Shhhh! Keep it down or someone will hear us! Now I know that rainbow-haired Koopa had his secret room somewhere around here…
G.G: WHAT WAS THAT? I COULD NOT HEAR YOU?
Koopa 13: I told you to shut up! Oops.
(He puts his hand over his mouth.)
G.G: Don’t you know it is rude to say something like that? Now let’s get going.
(They tiptoe past the main hall and keep going for about three hours.)
Koopa 13: Great going, we’re totally @#$#@ lost.
G.G: What are you talking about? You are the one with the map.
Koopa 13: Well it was your idea for coming here in the first @#%@ place.
G.G. Huh? What’s that?
(They listen hard.)
Koopa 13: I don’t know, it kinda looks like…
(Wario and Waluigi crash through the ceiling and fall onto the G.G. Crew.)
G.G: That is the second time I’ve had a fat guy fall on me.
Chompy: Grrrrrr!
Koopa 13: What are you two doing here?
Wario: Looking for the treasure, of course.
Koopa 13: How did you know there was a treasure in here?
Wario: Don’t be so naïve, collecting treasure is our sole purpose.
G.G: Well that treasure is ours! We have been looking for it for countless years.
Koopa 13: Yeah, so do us a favor and beat it, punks.
Waluigi: Make us.
G.G: Okay okay okay, it seems there is only one way to settle- WHAT’S THAT OVER THERE?!
(As the Wario Brothers look back, the G.G. Crew run off.)
G.G: See ya, suckers!
Wario: Wah! Hurry up!
(Waluigi holds out a Thunderbolt.)
Wario: FIRE!
(The G.G. Crew get struck and shrink to tiny size.)
Koopa 13: We shrunk
Chompy: YIPE YIPE!
G.G: What CHO-WWWWW!
(Wario squishes them with his foot and runs off with Waluigi.)
Wario: Bye bye.
Waluigi: Wa hahaa!
Koopa 13: Grrrrrr! Come on, G.G.
(They get on top of Chompy and feed him a Mushroom.)
Chompy: Yum!
Koopa 13: Whatever. Now hurry.
(With a burst of energy Chompy goes at full speed and catches up to the Wario Brothers.)
G.G: Now we got you!
As the two teams come neck and neck, they burst through a secret door.)
G.G: Huh?
Koopa 13: Is this the secret room?
(The room is revealed to be full of beachballs and Lemmy is seen sitting on top of them.)
Lemmy: Hey, how did you guys find my secret room?
G.G: What in the world, man? I thought you people said this was supposed to be a room of secret treasures.
Lemmy: This is our secret treasures, if the public found out about it my beachball stash would be ruined.
Koopa 13: What? Ohhhh, bummer.
Wario: Mamamia.
Waluigi: Waaaaa.
Koopa 13: Well... We gotta go, hahaha.
(As all of them are about to run off, Lemmy pulls a lever and a large cage drops down from above, trapping all five of them.)
G.G: Hey, what is the big idea?
Lemmy: Did I not just say that this room can’t be reveled to the public? So instead I’m going to keep you all as my little pets.
Wario: WHAT?
Koopa 13: Little pets? But you can't leave us in here with these two numbskulls, especially Wario.
(Wario is seen passing a bunch of gas around.)
Koopa 13: Ewwwww! Okay Lemmy, what is it you want from us?
Lemmy: Well you guys haven’t been following my rules since you were hired, but you are going to do exactly as I say now that you’re mine; and first up I shall have you do an Interview with one of these guys in the cage with you.
G.G: And if we refuse?
Lemmy: Ever wondered what Wario's bite is like?
Chompy: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK
Koopa 13: And when we’re done can we get out of here?
Lemmy: Hmmmm... We will soon see about that.
Koopa 13: Okay, since we already interviewed fatty, we will now interview skinny.
Waluigi: WAAALUIGI!
Koopa 13: All right, I will let you start off, G.G.
G.G: Ok, but first we need an audience. If I have to suffer with these guys then so must everyone else.
(A crane comes in and carries the cage into the studio and onto the stage.)
G.G: Well besides being held against my will I feel more at home now. So then, my bojangles, what’s the deal with you? I mean, why do you act like... well like you?
Waluigi: Because I’m the opposite of Luigi. I mean, I’m not green and I am everything he isn’t, one of which is being so much cooler.
G.G: And yet you don’t have your own spinoffs or games?
Waluigi: Oh be quiet, you decaying fungus
Koopa 13: Why in the world are you such a skinny man?
Waluigi: I told you already, I’m Luigi's polar opposite. Mario is fat, which makes Wario fatter, and since Luigi is skinny then that makes me even skinnier.
Lemmy: Wow, that was a mouthful of knowledge.
Waluigi: It is great to learn.
Audience: ‘CAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!!
G.G: Ok, that was unnecessary.
Chompy: Bark bark?
G.G: He says why did you choose to wear purple?
Waluigi: It's not purple, it is brute. I wear it to make myself look strong.
Koopa 13: How come your gloves and hat have an inverted L?
Waluigi: Well my name is a permutation of a Japanese word called warui, which means bad, and literally my name means “bad Luigi” since I am the opposite, which is why it is upside-down.
G.G: So what is the difference between you and Wario?
Waluigi: Well I'm a lot faster, more flexible, and I can do this!
(Waluigi gets on his back and shoves his arms and legs into his mouth.)
G.G: Oh dude, that is messed up!
Koopa 13: What about your age, younger or older than Wario?
Waluigi: (with his limbs still in his mouth) Mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmh!
Koopa 13: …
(Waluigi pulls out his limbs.)
G.G: Don't ever do that again.
Waluigi: Sorry about that. Now then, to answer you question, I am younger than Wario is.
Chompy: Bark bark?
G.G: He says why do you only appear in spinoff games?
Waluigi: Well the big guys upstairs haven’t found an adventure game I could be in yet, but someday they might. After all, you can’t have a good Mario game without the greatest cheater in the world, WAALUIGI!
G.G: Actually they can, and they have done it several times.
Waluigi: Waaaaaaa...
Koopa 13: Why did you try to hypnotize the world with your dancing skills in Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix?
Waluigi: Nintendo never let me have a big, prominent role in any game to show who I really am. I wanted to show my awesome dancing skills and increase my popularity.
Koopa 13: Maybe someday, if you get your own franchise, it can be all something about music.
Wario: Yeah like, I am always onto treasure.
G.G: Ok, let’s go to the audience. Seat 56
Hammer Bro: Why do you use a tennis racket in Brawl?
Waluigi: Because Mario Tennis was the first game I appeared in.
Koopa 13: Seat 79
Boo: Which Brother often takes the advantage?
Waluigi: Wario, because he smells bad.
(Wario farts.)
Waluigi: And he has a lethal weapon on his side.
Koopa 13: Enough of that! Seat 109.
Koopen: Mind if I ask what you are doing in that cage?
Koopa 13: Hey, is that you, Koopen?
Koopen: No.
G.G: You know, if I weren’t stuck in this cage I would be out there kicking your butt, old man.
Koopen: But you’re not so to bad.
G.G: Ok, that is it, this Interview is over now, let us out.
Lemmy: No way.
G.G: Why not?
Lemmy: I think you guys look better in a cage, so I think I'll keep you there for a while. Now you see what happens when you mess with the son of Bowser.
Koopa 13: What? Trapped in here forever?
Wario: WAH!
Waluigi: I hate this.
Wario: Oh shut up!
(The five of them are seen banging around the cage like wild animals.)
Koopa 13: Someday when we get out, we will make you regret this!
G.G: You will regret the day you messed with us!
Lemmy: Keep talking and I might put an angry Wiggler in there with you.
Chompy: Gulp...
Lemmy: Now this is my kind of ending.
Bowser: Me too. By the way, I AM THE MIGHTY KING BOWSER!
(He pulls down the curtain that is imprinted with END TRANMISSION.)
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