(Lemmy, a gold hedgehog, a female Koopa Troopa with blond hair and a pink shell, and a gold, silver, and green-armored Koopatrol walk onstage.)
Koopatrol 4000: Hello, and welcome to-
Lemmy: (through a bullhorn) LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!
(Koopagal 4000 hits Lemmy with a hockey stick.)
Koopagal 4000: Don't do that again, or you'll... *over-dubbed voice* DIE.
Lemmy: (in fear) Yes, ma'am.
Koopatrol 4000: Good boy. Rule #276,988,724,274: Never tick her off. Learned that the hard way, man. Trust me on that. Oh, and I have a MUCH larger crew, but they won't appear yet.
Lemmy: Ok, whatevs.
Koopatrol 4000: Now on to the Interview that will expose your deepest, darkest, and most embarrassing secrets. First, what do you think of your life? And NO LYING, OR... *over-dubbed voice* DIE.
Lemmy: Okay, okay. Well, it's pretty lame. It's the same thing: Dad kidnaps Peach, we act as obstacles, Mario beats the living snot out of us, then does the same to Dad, he cries like a baby for five minutes, then rinse and repeat.
Koopagal 4000: Wow. Sad. Anyway, what do you think of Wendy's crush on you?
Lemmy: (in fetal position) It's... horrible... The kids would look like freaks... I mean, siblings (and cousins) shouldn't be married... And she's watching... WATCHING, I TELL YOU!
(Solar whacks Lemmy with a club.)
Solar: Cool it, we have DNA cannons that repel her DNA.
Larry: I'M FREE! THANKS FOR THE FACTS, LEMMY! HA! TAKE THAT, SUSAN! *rides away in the Batmobile and through the wall*
Solar: Ok, random. Anyway, what do you think of Iggy?
(Solar whips out a notebook and pen to record the embarrassing facts about Iggy.)
Lemmy: Ah, I see where you're going... AND IT'S BRILLIANT! He wets the bed, watches Barney and Teletubbies, cries himself to sleep, sucks his thumb, needs diapers, and is too much of a wuss to stand up to Roy... He's a wimp. Can't say it any clearer.
Koopatrol 4000: Who can? Anyway, we have time for one audience question... Seat 3.14!
Punio: PIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Koopatrol 4000: Um, how 'bout Seat 40?
Goombario: Why do you stand on that ball?
Lemmy: I hope to be in the circus, and I snatch cookies, too.
(Clawdia breaks through a different wall.)
Clawdia: WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!
Lemmy: OH NOEZ! I must escape!
(He hops into the SOOPER CAR and drives away, with Clawdia chasing him in the SOOPER MONSTER TRUCK.)
All of existence (and non-existence!): O.O
Koopatrol 4000: Weeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllll... See you-
(A third wall blows up.)
Koopatrol 4000: OH, COME ON!
Shadowy Figure obscured by dust: Miss me?
Koopatrol 4000, Koopagal 4000, and Solar: *groan*
Solar: Look, we'll fight next time. Meanwhile... END TRANSMISSION, FOOLS!
(static)
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