WT: Ah, it's so wondrous to be back in a studio! My last partner kept ruining the mood, but I have high hopes that this will be a success! This new fellow and I are bound to reach new heights; I can feel it in my bones!
Amadeus: ... Really? Sounds like your new coworker is quite a guy. Who is he?
WT: Amadeus, my loyal companion and cameraman... I have no idea whatsoever. I believe he calls himself “Phantos”, followed by a couple of random digits. Other then that, I've got no clue.
(Phantos67 enters.)
Phantos67: The name is Phantos67. And those digits are very important to me, by the way. So, who would you like to interview?
WT: It hasn't been decided yet? You hired me, so I thought that-
(Suddenly, a UFO breaks in!)
Phantos67: What on Plit...
(A purple alien walks out.)
Phantos67: Princess Shroob?
WT: What?! Impossible! There is no possible way that she could have survived that massacre all those years ago! What possible supernatural, unholy force could have caused this dark being to arise once more?
Amadeus: A 1-Up Shroom?
WT: ... Oh, yeah. Forgot about those. Sorry, Phantos67; I have a slight tendency to overreact.
Amadeus: Well, anyways, it looks like you two have somebody to interview. I certainly hope you have an alien-to-English translator. If you need me, I'll be behind the camera.
Phantos67: It's funny you mention it, but I do have a translator, left over from when Wacko and Koops interviewed that Shroob thing, Sunnycide I think.
(Phantos67 puts the translator on Princess Shroob.)
Princess Shroob: ^%O#^^? (What is this thing?)
Phantos67: A translator. We're interviewing you and we can understand that gibberish you’re saying. So, WT, you can ask the first question.
WT: All right! So, Princess Shroob, how exactly does the monarchy work where you come from? Does one family rule over the kingdom you come from, or are the current king and queen just whoever beat the last ones in some sort of combat?
Princess Shroob: $#&*$#!! #$&@#~ =@$()*%)_ %#%*&#$!! (Insolent fool!! Do not ask your future leader such imbecilic inquiries!)
WT: ... Just answer the question, ma'am.
Princess Shroob: =`=- +##%*. )@#@#(@ )%$@# $@#+ ~(*%_). X_@%. (... Fine, pathetic slug of a human. My parents inherited their titles from their parents, who inherited it from their parents, and so forth. No Shroobicides were committed in order to reach the status they hold today.)
Phantos67: Why did you invade the past? Why not the future?
WT: I think that Phantos thinks that something that didn't happen, did... but the question still applies. After all, if YOU could go through the time holes left by E. Gadd's device, why not your troops?
Princess Shroob: *&^! %^$%^-_*@#. (Simpletons! Though those Mario Brothers were busy cleaning up our mess in the past, there were still a lot of brave warriors in the present that could take us down.)
Phantos67: Oh, well why didn't you invade the Mushroom Kingdom before Mario and Luigi were born?
Princess Shroob: $&^@&^^*(&%#^!!! (I didn't know they existed!!!)
Amadeus: Remember, 67; the Shroobs traveled light-years in order to reach our planet, and they weren't the ones with time-travelling technology. Even if they could've discovered that a pair of future heroes existed by the time they would arrive, it would've been too late to turn around.
Phantos67: Back to you.
WT: Thank you. Now, M'lady Shroob, why invade another planet? Was your planet running out of stuff like water and oxygen, and you were too embarrassed to just ask for more?
Princess Shroob: #$*#&%` $#&$#@( *+@! (It was because we Shroobs thirst for power! One planet is not enough for our glorious empire!)
WT: Ah, greed. One of the eight deadly sins.
Amadeus: Eight?
WT: I've always thought that human ignorance should also be included.
Amadeus: Eight sins... I think I've heard that somewhere before.
WT: You're probably imagining things. Phantos67, your turn!
Phantos67: Ok, I know this might sound dumb, but what was that drink that you were drinking on the Shroob mothership near the end of the game?
Princess Shroob: &^^%&*^#$%#$&*%$$%^*(@@%^# (It was a special drink, mixed with the Shroob Mushroom that grows on our planet, mixed with a rare red Mushroom. It tastes good.)
Phantos67: A Mushroom drink? Sounds disgusting.
Princess Shroob: %^^&&* *#@%*#!! (INCOMPETENT FOOL!)
Thud: ONLY THUD CAN TALK WITH ALL CAPS!
Phantos67: But it was in another language made up of random symbols.
Thud: STILL.
Princess Shroob: %^ ##% $*^*! (They are complicated symbols!)
Phantos67: I'm sure they are. Audience question time! You can call the first seat, WT.
WT: ... Really? This soon? Only... what, four questions have been asked so far?
Amadeus: Five. One on Shroobian monarchy, one on why they didn't invade what is now the present, one on why they didn't come before or after the Mario Bros. were living heroes, one on why they invaded, and one about restorative beverages.
WT: Ah; I forgot that Phantos67 asked two in a row. Either way, I still think another question or two should be asked before we call upon the audience. So, Princess, does your planet have its own version of Mario and Luigi? After all, if there's a Shroob version of Toadsworth, there could be one of anybody.
Princess Shroob: +~=`~! &}@-/~ #&^&@#% *@@#@ %`~##? (Of course not! What is the purpose of princess defenders when my sister and I can annihilate entire armies by ourselves?)
WT: ... Good point.
Phantos67: I still say it's audience question time by now, but if you insist: How come you didn't turn Mrs. Thwomp into a Shromp or something like that? I mean, why didn't you turn everything into a Shroob-based creature?
Princess Shroob: ~@~#~*~~. @#@#%^^&^//<&~%! (The Thwomps weren't originally in my master plan. It just so happened the Mario Bros. went to Thwomp Mountain and it gave us enough time to figure out where they went and send the Shroob mothership over there to get them!)
Phantos67: Oh. Cool.
WT: Wait for it... Wait for it... NOW it's audience time! Seat Double-Oh Seven!
Spy Guy: Yoob came with you from the Shroob homeworld, so he could be used to eliminate hostile forces easily. So, why stick him on Yoshi's Island? Unless provoked, or if children are involved, those guys are usually rather peaceful lizards.
Princess Shroob: %#%#$ @#*$^$&*. @&$^%%*# ^*$^ ~~#+%-=-~ @-#$+`*& #*$&@. (We placed him on that island BECAUSE of the Yoshis’ lack of resistance. Though we could have certainly placed him on the front lines with ease, after the defeat of Swiggler and the closing of Vim Factory, we wanted to take extra precaution that he would not faulter by having him absorb energy from the neighboring areas.)
Phantos67: Seat DOCTER DOCTER!
Dr. Shroob: $%^^& 8&^*#@ $#%^&*? (Why didn't you use Dr. Shroobs much after the Vim Factory?)
Princess Shroob: &^%& $#*^%& ~*$#%^^. &*%~/*&. (We put all of you guys in the Vim factory, then once Mario defeated all of you, there wasn't enough to keep around. There were only a few left and we needed them for doctor business.
Phantos67: Well... thank you for making he game easier!
Princess Shroob: ...
WT: Seat 963! ... Lancelet? Is that you?
Lancelet (in Seat 963): Yep! I mainly came to inform you that “your previous employer”... I know how you hate his very name... is going to try to break the record for longest and best Interview ever. And, we were kinda wondering if you'd like to be a part of the celebrations.
WT: ... I'll think about it. I hate that Yoshi with every fiber of my being, but if he wants me back, that shows that he still has a heart. Plus, it sounds like doing a job like this will be worth a large paycheck, and I've been having trouble getting rent money recently.
Lancelet: Great! ... I should probably ask a question to the princess now, shouldn’t I? Well, speaking of why you didn't use Doctor Shroobs after the factory, why didn't you use Shroobworths anywhere else but the mutated castle? One or two of those guys could be just as powerful as a whole Swiggler, you know!
Princess Shroob: ~`@# >$%. ^&/* -+=<. ~@/} [*@#{. (Actually, back home, Shroobworths are considered to be quite weak. The less “Shroobified” an area is, the weaker my troops become. If every place in the kingdom had as much concentrated Shroob energy as that one stronghold, Mario and Luigi wouldn't have stood a chance.)
Phantos67: Seat BRATTY COBRA!
Cobrat: Will you appear in any future games?
Princess Shroob: $%$^<~@*&! (NO! I'm sick of Plit!)
Phantos67: Good riddance, by the way.
WT: Really? I thought she was a cool boss... Mario games need more laser beams of doom. Seat 12!
Dr. Freezegood: You're apparently quite alive, but if your parents, your sister, and yourself were ever to die permanently, who would be the heir to the throne?
Princess Shroob: ^#~@&^ ~$#~~&. +_~~+_--=` `=-`=-+`=--=` #%~$~* @&$*#^% #@~$&*. #^~@#%&@# ^%@~#*~$^ @#&$@#. (Back home, I have a young brother, aptly named Prince Shroob. While it is the eldest that would take the throne first, should he outlive us both, it will be he, his wife, and his daughter that will rule the monarchy. But, he has never been fond of violence in any matter, which could lead to an uprising amongst the commoners should he ever be in charge.)
WT: Well, at least he won't invade us out of revenge any time soon...
Phantos67: That's good. Seat BERT THE EGG!
Eggbert: Why is your sister so fat?
Princess Shroob: &^% %&* #$`~%*^^!!! (SHE IS BIGGER, BUT NOT FAT!!!)
(Princess Shroob, now quite angry, summons a shooting star and blasts Eggbert to a billion pieces.)
WT: ... I'm not cleaning that mess up.
Phantos67: Lots of good questions right? Lemmy?
Lemmy: Yeah.
Phantos67: Ok! Anyone got a creative way of hurting the interviewee and webmaster of Lemmy's Land?
WT: Just for giving a bland reply? That's so... uninspiring. I've got nothing.
Princess Shroob: &^*$%%~^^! (I do!)
(Princess Shroob gets in her spider-legged robotic throne, which enters the studio by itself, and prepares to use the laser on Lemmy.)
Phantos67: WT, would you like the honor of getting rid of the princess?
WT: Give me a moment; I'm trying to remember who in the world that Eggbert guy is... was. And I'm also trying to figure out why half the seats are numbered and half of them have titles... It makes no sense.
Amadeus: Uh, could you hurry it up? We kinda need Lemmy to LIVE in order for him to air the episode!
(Princess Shroob's laser is now half-charged.)
WT: Okay, okay... Give me a moment...
Amadeus: Hurry it up, bub! It's now 3/4 ready to fire!
WT: Really? Alien technology certainly works quickly. I wish my Internet connection was that quick!
Amadeus: 7/8!
WT: ... Got it! Hey, Princess Shroob!
Princess Shroob: &$^*#&@@? *#@$*&$%% ~^^@#$*@?! (What?! Can't you see I'm busy right now?)
WT: I've just got one last question to ask before the show ends... Why are you such a lame, annoying loser?
Princess Shroob: ... ^#@^#^#@@#^$?!? (WHAT?!)
WT: When you and your sister first encountered Peach, one of the weakest characters in this land... I'm not biased, I'm honest... your elder sibling was sealed away in seconds. If the stronger one of you fell that quickly to someone like Princess Toadstool, how lame are you in comparison? There's a couple of other facts to support my argument, too. When you were in the present to learn more about our heroes, why not just keep the identity of the princess and rule that timezone? Sure, Bowser interfered, but you probably could've just kept your secret from the Mario Bros. and remained the purple shroom-faced princess for years while E. Gadd and the other smart guys tried to discover a “cure”. And then, there was the obvious fact that you lost to a pair of Brooklyn-raised plumbers and their child selves... Sure, almost every villain here has succumbed to that fate. But that doesn't make you any less of a weak, pathetic, cowardly, foolish imbecile! And I dare you to make me eat those words!
Princess Shroob: #~`@~ @`#~$@`# `%%`*#&%? #$*$! (You know what, foolish mortal? I WILL!)
Princess Shroob fires the laser at WT... only for WT to pull a mirror out of his pocket. The laser is reflected back to the ruler of the Shroobs, and in a comedic fashion, she is blasted off into the distance.
WT: ... Well, that was fun way to end things, wasn't it?
Amadeus: Where'd you get the mirror?
WT: Bought it the second that P67 asked me to be on the show. I shouldn't look like a mess so soon after my last job, should I? Gives people the wrong impression. And that's the show, folks! This has been the marvelous, the astute, the magnificent WT!
Amadeus: And I've been your ordinary, non-egotistical cameraman Amadeus the Spear Guy.
Phantos67: I've been one of your co-hosts, Phantos67!
Eggbert: I've been an audience member!
Phantos67: Ahem... Only the important people can talk at the end, bub.
Wacko: Am I important enough to talk?
Phantos67: Not this time.
WT: And thank you for tuning in! G'night, everyone!
Phantos67: END TRANSMISSION!
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