Fireball: Hello, and welcome to my awesome Interview show!
Wario: I can't beleive it's not fried chicken!
Fireball: Everyone loves that new product... The butter one seemed to be butter... Or was it?
Luigi: *sigh* May I ask... where is WT? ... Just do it! Say something random!
Fireball: And how I will! We all know that WT's never here when he's supposed to be... Well, not recently, at least.
WT: Well, I WAS in the hospital for two hours yesterday! They only JUST removed the cast this morning!
Fireball: And I'm sick and tired of being with boring, not-worth-listening-to losers... that are boring!
Endark, Lancelet, and Amadeus: We'll take that as an insult.
Wario: Good, because that's exactly what it was!
Fireball: So, I have WT strapped in this chair here, and the duct tape should cover that part. Try to escape, and I will rip some leg hair off! How evil, random, crazy, and awesome I am!
WT: ... Worst case scenario, I'm in the hospital for another week or two, unavailable to interview. Almost as bad scenario, I'll be able to wear shorts at the beach without getting odd looks. You've really got to plan out your punishments better, y'know.
Fireball: Well my next plan is to put you in a metal cage... that's on fire!
WT: Metal can't be set on fire, and even if it could, the fire would just burn open an escape route for me. So there.
Amadeus: As WT's cameraman, I recommend we start up the actual interviewing part of the show soon. WT, please tell the audience who today's guest is.
WT: It's Buzzy Beetle, my good Spear Guy friend. For those that have never heard of Buzzy Beetle, he is NOT a beetle with the stinger of a bee. He's a Koopa-ish reptile with a shiny blue shell, usually found hanging out in caverns.
Buzzy B: Yo.
WT: Fireball, since this is your show, you can ask the first Q.
Fireball: I think I'll just do that, WT... I think I just will.
Mario: It would be nice.
Fireball: First question, out of all the games you were in, which one was your favorite?
Buzzy B: It would have to be New Super Mario Bros! I'm not as weak as in the other games, and I'm in World Five! That's better then being in World One, Two, Three, or Four! It means that I'm respected enough to be given the privilege of guarding more important strongholds! Wario: The great Wario is not impressed! Fireball: As always! Go WT! WT: Okay... Why's your shell blue? Why not green, or black?
Buzzy B: Blue's the color of the minerals we Beetles coat our shells in to provide better defense. We don't just hang out in caves because we like them; they're also a splendid location to find free, environmentally friendly protection from the elements!
Fireball: Now I got a question!
Endark: You “have” a question. Grammar first!
Lancelet: More like “grammar FORCED” when it comes to Fireball.
Buzzy B: Go for it!
Fireball: Why is it that, in the second Paper Mario, your stats get higher? ... And in Super Paper Mario, your stats drop!
Buzzy B: Well, in the first Paper Mario, we thought we were weak-
Wario: Which you were!
Buzzy B: -and we started to train our attack and defense! But then, we started training on defense, THEN our attack! And 3 defense may not sound like much, but it still takes Mario a long while to beat us! ...Unless he gets Bowser to attack us, or is wearing some P-Up pins. Then, our defeat is a tad faster.
Endark: Plus, Fireball, don't forget that SPM takes place over multiple realms; the Beetles in one might not exactly be a perfect match to others.
Lancelet: ... Why are we here again?
Endark: The Yoshi's got legendary heroes to do color commentary... or at least hero impersonators; it's a tad hard to figure out why men that have saved kingdoms, intentionally or not, would be in a place like this. Either way, we're here to make sure WT's got some folks on his side, too.
WT: Just don't hog the show, you two!
Lancelet: I'd never dream of it, super-legendary hero WT!
WT: ... I love that kid. Anyways, Buzzy, what's the worst part about living in caverns?
Buzzy B: The Swoopers, definitely; their screeching is something awful. Plus, some of us Beetles like to sleep on the ceiling to stay away from natural predators, and it gets pretty crowded up there during the points of day when both those guys and us are trying to get some rest at the same time.
Fireball: Lancelet can't be cool... he can't steal a TV... and... and Endark smells!
Mario: We all know that!
Fireball: Next question, Buzzer, are there any games you would've liked to be in?
Buzzy B: It would have been great to be in Super Mario Galaxy and go to all those planets and see all those cool things... but Mario might have hurt me pretty badly.
Wario: He would've, Mr. Buzzer... Amadeus, the bro with the hammer spear, can now say something stupid... What a moron... Hehe.
Amadeus: ... Remind me why we're still working with this guy when he treats us all like morons that should only exist to be amazed by his complete and utter randomosity.
WT: 'Cause I'm too lazy to come up with fifteen or so unique questions all by myself. As for why I don't ditch him and find some other co-interviewer, he's somehow won the Tourists’ Choice Awards three or so times already, so the odds of one of our shows being given the award is a bit higher than usual. Now, back to the questions! Buzzy... Why are you guys called “Buzzy”? Like I stated in the intro, you don't have any bee-like qualities, so why else would you be called that?
Buzzy B: There's more than one meaning to the word “buzz”. While commonly associated with the sound bees make, the term “buzz around” means to scurry about, and we Beetles do tend to scamper a lot inside our cavernous homes in order to find life's necessities.
Fireball: WT stole my question!
Mario: You're mean!
Fireball: NO! NO! WT is not mean... he's just tired ALL the time and can never sleep because he's just that good!
Luigi: That does NOT even make any sense, whatsoever.
Fireball: Haha! That's where I get you, Luigi! I own the show and you're fired for the day! But after this question... you may learn something... but I doubt you will. Next question, what do all the Buzzy Beetles do now?
Buzzy B: Well, we're all trying to get into another game again the only way we know how: begging Bowser at least once a day. Other than that, we've been playing cards and pool in our secret hiding spot where ONLY Buzzy Beetles can go!
(Fireball kicks Luigi out and looks at Endark for no reason.)
Endark: Oh, please. I've dethroned kings, created my metal left arm that doubles as a grappling hook from scratch within five minutes of losing my original left arm, and aced every exam I ever took... except for math; I was never good with factors and inverse relations. Nonetheless, your glaring is not going to do much if you're trying to break my confidence.
Lancelet: Back to the show, people! The sooner it's over, the sooner WT can take a nice, long nap!
WT: Agreed. So, Buzzy, how well do you get along with other cave dwellers? Do you all cooperate to survive, or is there some competition between the lot of you?
Buzzy B: Well, the only other creatures that bother us are the Swoopers and the Piranha Plants. I already told you about the bats; as for the plants, there's quite a few that are hungry enough to try to crack our shells open and devour us for lunch... Of course, they usually fail at that. We have no clue why they even try, since they must get nutrients from the ground like every other plant, but it's certainly a hassle.
Fireball: From now on, Buzzy here will be my third crazy guy... like Mario and Wario! And... and not Waluigi or Luigi... they're boring... like Endark and Lancelet, who will be fired from interviewing... So yeah!
Lancelet: B-but what did we ever do to y-you? *sniff* ... WAAH! I WANT TO GO BACK HOME TO MOTHER!
Endark: Oh, look; you actually made the archer cry. Be glad that I'm not voicing my current thoughts about you, Fireball. If I did, the sensors would have to edit out a half hour of words that little kids shouldn't hear.
Buzzy B: Please speed this up, as I have got to get to the Buzzy Beetle hideout and try to win at cards!
Fireball: Fine! Next question, what do you think of Waluigi?
WT: Hey, that's MY trademark question!
Buzzy B: I actually think he's a cool guy.
Fireball: Boring!
WT: ... You know what? I'm getting rather fed up with you, FB! You insult my co-workers, diss my favorite characters, and act like you're some kind of god that even the world-saving heroes should bow to in worship! But all you are is a whiny brat that makes up for his incompetence by bragging about achievements and friends he doesn't really have! You can't even spell right, you incompetent twit! Almost every single sentence you type has some kind of grammar error that I decide to fix out of the kindness of my own heart, and I don't even get a word of thanks! I'm VOLUNTEERING to be here, you know! Neither my friends nor myself should have to go through this torture!
Fireball: Sorry WT, I don't have a big ego and stuff, it's just that your partners are bad. No one in this room can understand Endark, Lancelet's a wimp, and Amadeus would be better if he was a pizza man!
Endark: Well, if you hadn't kicked out Tileoid R, there'd be at least one...
Amadeus: Hey! I think I'm doing a swell job of filming this show, no matter what you say! And... uh... WT? This is an interviewing studio, not a novel you two are co-writing; it's impossible for you to fix human speech.
WT: ... Well, if this WAS a story, I'd bet Beanbean currency that it's the job I'd do! Long story short, I want to finish this show, and possibly our entire partnership with Fireball, immediately! So, I'd like to begin the portion of the show where the audience asks questions themselves, ASAP! Seat 91!
X-Yux: Why do you want to be in new Mario games so badly? Wouldn't you guys be just as happy in a game that starred Yoshi, or even Wario?
Buzzy B: Well, there's two reasons we stick to Mario titles. Firstly, most of us have grudges from being kicked around by him in the past. Secondly, and most importantly, since Bowser is the guy we go to when we want to be in a game, there's not a high chance that he's going to ask us to fight anyone BUT Mario.
Fireball: Now it's my turn to say something.... Seat MODNAR! ... Look at it backwards.
WT: Oh, yes; VERY unique. Note the sarcasm.
Fireball: Oh yeah... See this pie... Looks good... I'm going to eat it.
(Fireball eats the pie in one bite.)
Fireball: YOSHI!
Amadeus: ... Look, WT, while I'm as fed up with this guy as you are, do you think we should really quit? Until you signed up for these things, you were nearly bankrupt, and you wouldn't get out of the apartment we were barely able to rent if your life depended on it! Do you really want to go back to that?
Fireball: Yeah WT, as far as I'm concerned. I brought the I can't believe it's not butter, butter joke!
WT: Compared to how I'm being treated right now? Oh yeah! Now, whoever's in that seat Fireball called, ask your question!
Goomba #34231: Where will we see Buzzy Beetles now?
Buzzy B: Possibly trying to get a job, and at an eating place or something like that.
Wario: The great Wario feels like a Peach Pie!
Endark: If you ARE the great Wario...
Wario: The great Waro IS the great Wario!
Lancelet: At least it's not lemon pie... Those things gave me a stomach ache after I left the studio.
WT: Seat 24!
Dark Boo: How... EVIL... would you say you are?
Buzzy B: Except for the fact that I don't really like the protector of the Mushroom Kingdom and the fact that I work for the guy that wants to take that kingdom over, I'm not too bad.
(Fireball throws a napkin at Wario. Wario blows his nose with it and throws it at Lancelet.)
Wario: Thank you!
Lancelet: EW! Evil plumber germs! Get them off me!
Fireball: Wario! Don't do that to Lancelet... Use this 25-pound dumbbell! And seat WM1.
Wario: Wario thinks and shall ask, what's your favorite food?
Buzzy B: Ice cream! Man, you got to just love that awesome flavor! Chocolate, vanilla, bubble gum, butterscotch-
Amadeus: Oh, shut up. You're rotting my teeth just talking about it.
WT: ... You know what? This show's gone on for far too long. So, I'm going to call out one last seat, and then I am out of here! Whoever's in #777, you'd better make it good!
Grate Guy: What's your greatest fear, bub?
Buzzy B: I'm really scared of Donkey Kong. Have you seen that guy's muscles? Even if our shells were made of titanium, he could probably crack them in half with his bare hands!
Fireball: You got to be kidding me! Donkey Kong has no brain!
WT: And that's it for me! I am out of here, before I have to spend another second with this freaky Yoshi!
(WT jumps out of his seat and leaves the studio ASAP.)
Amadeus: For the record, I'd leave, too, if I wasn't handling this camera.
Fireball: Well, you could leave. I mean the other guy was twice as good as you were... No hard feelings.
Lancelet: ... Uh, Fireball? Since you now have a position available, could I-
Endark: Lance! Do you seriously want to go back and work for a guy that wanted you to commit theft? You HATE criminals!
Lancelet: Well, until I actually see him commit a crime, I think I could handle it.
Fireball: No you can't! As long as one of you show up, your pay will be a boring book about something Endark likes and four coins.
Mario: Did you think you could beat me?
Buzzy B: Well, yeah.
Mario: Well, too bad, so sad!
Fireball: And that's it! Hopefully, I'll find someone that's not Endark or Lancelet before the next Interview. Until then... See you next time-
Mario: CRAZY LINE!
Fireball: As I see.
Wario: I like peach and apple pies... They're both good.
Fireball: End transmission!
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