(Superluigi821 stands on a stage surrounded by cameras.)
Superluigi821: Everything’s going good... We’re ready for another Interview.
Lakitu Cameraman: Excuse me, can I ask you, who you are? Are you the director of this film?
Superluigi821: Umm, I’m not a director but I am making this Interview. I am, uhh, Superluigi821, Luigi’s 821st clone.
Lakitu Cameraman: Huh.
Superluigi821: See, Luigi got cloned a while ago and got about nine thousand clones. I’m one of them. Bowser cloned Luigi so the clones would be evil and confuse Mario, but apparently, the clones turned out to be good, so that really stinks for Bowser. Superluigi55, another clone, is the cameraman over there.
Superluigi55: I was the interviewer in the last two shows, and now I get to be a cameraman. Wow, how lovely...
Superluigi821: If you’re asking why he doesn’t have a mustache, it’s because his cloning from Luigi went a little bit wrong...
Lakitu Cameraman: ... If you’re not the director, then where IS the real director? Superluigi821: What director are you talking about?
Lakitu: Umm, in case you didn’t know, this is the set for Jackie Chan’s new movie.
Superluigi821: I believe you are mistaken, this is the set for an Interview.
Lakitu: ...
Superluigi821: ...
(The window breaks and Jackie comes in through it.)
Jackie: Sorry about the window, just thought I’d do that instead of coming in through the door... Well, here I am ready for filming!
Superluigi821: Shoot, I am on the wrong set! This is not the Interview set! I think Lemmy gave us the wrong directions to the Interview Room!
In the real interview room...
Random Koopa Announcer: We are sorry, but it appears that, um, Superluigi-and-some-numbers won’t be showing up. I guess we’re gonna have to have someone else interview. Hey, I guess we’ll have Lemmy interview!
Lemmy: The plan’s going perfect! *evil grin* Back at the Jackie Chan movie set…
Superluigi821: Oh no, this must be Lemmy’s plan! He tricked me into going to the wrong place so HE could interview someone! NO! HE TRICKED ME! *cries*
Lakitu: Hey, where’d Jackie go...?
Superluigi55: Oh! Quick! To the Interview Building thingy!
Back at the Interview stage…
Lemmy: And today we’ll be interviewing Chan from Paper Mario!
Mario (from the audience): JACKIE CHAN!
Lemmy: No Mario, this is a different Chan.
Luigi: No look, over there!
(Everyone turns and sees Jackie Chan enter through the window.)
Lemmy: Shoot... Uhh... PLAN B!
(Twenty guards rush out from nowhere. Jackie Chan kicks the first one, sending him flying into another guard. Jackie grabs two other guards by the head and slams them together. As he fights all the guards, Lemmy gets furious.)
Lemmy: PLAN C!
(After Jackie defeats all the guards, a Pokemon Trainer comes in and tosses five Pokeballs. Pikachu, Charizard, Lucario, Jigglypuff, Munchlax, and Torchic come out and all start attacking Jackie. Jackie climbs to the top of the studio. Charizard flies up in the air and attempts to burn Jackie, but Jackie avoids the flames and jumps off and lands safely on top of Lemmy.)
Lemmy: Okay, okay, I give up! You can interview this time, but mark my words, next time I’ll be interviewing around here! Mwahaha...
(Lemmy coughs slowly as he walks away.)
Jackie: All right, who are we “interviewing” today...?
Luigi: Uhh, Chan.
Jackie: Jackie Chan? Me?
Luigi: No Chan.
Jackie: Yeah, me?
Luigi: No, I mean Chan. Not Jackie Chan. Just Chan.
Jackie: ...
Luigi: ...
Jackie: ‘Kay.
(Jackie Chan sits in a very hard chair, as hard as stone, while Chan from Paper Mario comes in and sits in a very soft chair that seems almost like a pillow.)
Jackie: Urgh... umm... Hello sir. I was informed I was supposed to interview you.
Chan: Yeah sure, whate- HEY... ARE YOU JACKIE CHAN?
Jackie: Yes.
Chan: I’m your biggest fan! I was named after you!!
Jackie: How cool! Is Chan a nickname you gave yourself?
Chan: No, my parents were big Jackie Chan fans so they named me Chan. It’s a name I really like!
Jackie: Anyway, the Interview will start in 3, 2-
Lakitu: Psst! Jackie... you already asked the first question! Doesn’t that mean you already started the Interview?
Jackie: Oh, right. Umm, Chan, can I know more about your appearance in-
Chan: I am from the game Paper Mario and I’m a Buzzy Beetle. I am one of the martial artists Mario faces at the Toad Town Dojo. My HP is 15, Attack and Defense are both 2, and I’m not the best fighter in the Dojo, but I want to be like you someday, Jackie.
Jackie: Who taught you Martial Arts, and since you’re a Buzzy Beetle, how can you fight using Martial Arts?
Chan: The Master taught me. You know, he’s a Toad... He’s really cool and I admire him, but not as much as you. The Master taught me how to do the “Buzzy Beetle Martial Arts”. It’s really hard to fight as a Buzzy Beetle since you have to stand on all four legs all the time, but he taught me how to fight!
Jackie: I notice you have hair... I’ve never seen a Buzzy Beetle with hair before.
Luigi: (whispering to Mario) I bet this is the first time he’s ever seen a Buzzy Beetle.
Chan: Well, this isn’t real hair. It’s only a wig I’m wearing. (embarrassed) The Master gave me this wig so I’d look like a real Martial Artist, I guess.
Jackie: Lee, the Duplighost, I heard he’s a friend of you. His name, is it based on Bruce Lee? Was that the name his parents gave him?
Chan: Lee became a close friend of me. Lee is just a nickname he made for himself. He wanted us to be “Chan and Lee” like “Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee”. But no, Lee wasn’t his birth name.
Jackie: Ah, okay... May Bruce Lee rest in peace... Oh, uhh, audience questions! Seat 36!
King Boo: What’s your favorite color?
Chan: Green, because it’s the color of my shell.
Jackie: The last seat, seat 100.
Ganondorf: Have you ever tried to do stunts like Jackie Chan?
Chan: No. I’m okay with just learning Martial Arts. I don’t wanna do stunts.
Jackie: And finally-
(Superluigi821 attempts to jump through the window like Jackie did earlier but only bounces off. Superluigi55 enters the room through the door.)
Superluigi55: Are we too late?
Lemmy: Sure are. You guys are fired.
Superluigi55: Huh? WHAT?! No! Lemmy, don’t!
Lemmy: Mwahahahaha-
(Lemmy is kicked by Jackie.)
Jackie: I guess that’s all for today! END TRANSMISSION!
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