PlayStop

MICHAEL MARIO AND MEW interview THE MARIO BROS
 
By Michael Mario

Michael: Welcome to-

(Lemmy attempts to say the unoriginal “Lemmy’s Interview Show” line but Mew holds up a Sniper Bill gun next to Lemmy’s forehead.)

Michael: -Michael’s Interview Show! Today I’m interviewing my uncles, Mario and Luigi!

(Half the audience- the half composed of Toads, peaceful Koopas, peaceful Goombas, and peaceful Shy Guys- cheer. The other half- composed of Bowser’s minions- boo. All of the audience begins to fight each other as chaos reigns supreme.)

Michael: Wow, the Interview hasn’t even started and already there is chaos! I must be good at this.

Lemmy (still with Sniper Bill gun on him): Actually if this continues, your show will be canceled. Can you get Mew off me, she’s creeping me out!

Michael: Fine, and yes. SECURITY!!! Mew, the intro’s over so put the gun DOWN!!!

(Mew, after wiping tears from his/her eyes, tosses the gun into audience, where it kills a Goomba)

Goomba: Goodbye, all.

(After its death, security R.O.Bs come and force the audience into their seats.)

Michael: Good, now first question; we know you are brother’, the question is are you twins or is Mario just born first and Luigi came later?

Mario: Don’t you know this, little bambino?

Michael: Yes I do, Uncle Mario, but this is for the audience, not me.

Mario: Okay, well they’re both true; we’re twins but I’m the older twin.

Mew: Question two, how old are you two?

Luigi: Don’t you already know-

Mew: YES, WE KNOW THIS; WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU TWO!!! IT’S FOR THE ##$*%#%*#%* AUDIENCE, SHUT UP ABOUT THAT AND ANSWER THE #%$#%$%#$*$*# QUESTION!!!

Luigi: *sniff* You’re mean, and the answer is 32. WAHHHHHH!

(Luigi tries to leave the studio but it happens to be a magic studio on the reconstructed Island of the Ancients that changes appearance according to place. It also doesn’t help that the island is currently in between the height of Shooting Star Summit and Star Haven, as he runs off the grounds and is now falling at a rapid pace)

Luigi: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

???: Fear not, Luigi! I will save you.

(The Master R.O.B, or the Ancient Minister as those who beat the Subspace Emissary know, grabs Luigi with the claw from his hover seat and carries him to safety.)

Master R.O.B: Here’s your interviewee, Mike.

Michael: Thanks, R.O.B! Now then, what’s the status of your respective “relationships”?

Mario: … You had to go there, didn’t you?

Michael: Yep!

Mew: It’s our job!

Mario: … Well, Peach is my girlfriend-

Mew: Obviously.

Mario: …and Daisy is Luigi’s, what more do you want?

Michael: Well do you have challengers for them?

Mario: Well I have Bowser as one, but other than him, no one. Luigi, on the other hand, has Waluigi.

Michael: Wow, I knew about you and Bowser, but didn’t see that last one coming.

Waluigi: WAHAHAH!!! LUIGI, YOU ARE FINISHED!!! DAISY IS MINE!!! ONCE YOU ARE DEAD AND YOUR VIM IS SPLATTERD, I SHALL DRINK IT, SPIT IT OUT, AND DRINK IT AGAIN!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH-HAAAA!!!

Daisy: HELP, LUIGI!!! SAVE ME FROM THIS DERANGED LOONEY!!!

Michael: 0o0!

(Waluigi is seen on a platform suspended by chains leading to a black airship. Bound with rope attached to chains right next to him is Princess Daisy. Waluigi signals to the pilot and Daisy is raised up into the airship. Luigi uses a Star to become SUPER Luigi, with the appearance of Caped Luigi but with a green aura around him. He flies up and infiltrates the airship just as Waluigi enters it and uses a teleporter to get to his room. The teleporter deactivates immediately afterwards.)

Michael: Oh snap! We were supposed to ask him one more question before going to audience questions!

Mario: What are you going to do?

Mew: We’ll ask you two more questions, and then have an intermission to check on Luigi. If he isn’t here then, we’ll have the audience ask four questions.

Michael: Next question, what’s with you and Wario? You’ve obviously been at odds before.

Mario: Well when our parents fled to Earth to keep us safe, Wario’s family also did. When Luigi and I were in college, Wario and Waluigi, who never went to college, tried to rob the entire campus. We foiled their attempt and they were sent to prison. Before Wario was sent, he and Waluigi swore revenge. On top of that, we found out they were controlled by an unknown boss, who turned out to be Foreman Spike.

Michael: Tell us about the events that followed.

Mario: Well Luigi and I decided to find Spike and bring him to justice. However, he proved a tough guy to trace. Eventually, we gave up on finding him and went on with our lives. I dated Pauline, we found Cranky Kong (then known as Donkey Kong), Cranky and I had a circus act together, and we were all happy. Contrary to popular belief, I actually treated Cranky well; also contrary to popular belief, he DID have a crush on Pauline, but that was only part of the reason he kidnapped her. He lived with us in the basement-

Michael: Skip to when you fought him.

Mario: Fine. After Donkey Kong Jr. I found out CK had been shot with a rage booster when he kidnapped Pauline. Apparently Pauline did it to get herself kidnapped so I wouldn’t be able to interfere with Foreman Spike’s master plan.

Michael: Which was?

Mario: Building a GIANT hammer to destroy Brooklyn to satisfy his lust for destruction.

Michael: 0-0 OMD!!! THAT’S JUST PLAIN EVIL!!!

Mario: I know. Pauline told me all about his plan and that she was sorry she used me. We broke up, I apologized to the Kongs and let them free, and Luigi and I stopped Spike’s sick ambitions for good!

Michael: What’s it like to be portrayed as a retarded moron a lot on LL?

Mario: AWFUL!!! LEMMY HAS A BUNCH OF FALSE CLONES OF ME, SORRY-Os, IMPERSONATING ME ON A DAILY BASIS!!! #^#%*^$^*#^*#%*^!!!

Michael: 0o0 Oops. I must have hit a sensitive spot there. Let’s check on Luigi now. SHOW THE MONITOR!

(A huge HD plasma screen TV shows up behind the two, showing Luigi lying dead, Waluigi evilly laughing and powered by the dark versions of the Starman and the Superstar, and Daisy mourning.)

Michael: UNCLE LUIGI!!!

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Mew: WALUIGI, YOU MONSTER!!!

(Everyone starts crying over Luigi’s death, and keeps doing so until…)

Mew: WAAAHH-METRONIZE!!!

(Mew glows, then stops. For future reference, it’s my version of the Randomizer)

Mew: The good news is…

(Luigi’s body is suddenly engulfed in a golden light. Luigi comes back to life in his Super form, ready to take on Waluigi. Many little stars appear and surround the villain and smash against him. Obviously, Luigi wins and comes back to the Interview.)

Michael: Yay! But what’s the bad news?

Mew: The bad news will be delayed until the end of the Interview, and is a two-parter.

Michael: Oh joy. It’s your turn, Mew, and make it quick.

Mew: Okay. Luigi, what was it like to have your own game?

Luigi: It was good, but I wish it didn’t have so many ghosts.

Mew: How’s it like to live in Mario’s shadow?

Luigi: Like THIS!

(Luigi unleashes Negative Zone. After a few minutes, it stops.)

Mew: … You really need to see a therapist. Last question (we were GOING to ask audience questions, but we’re running out of airtime), would you like to have another game of your own?

Luigi: Let me thi- YES!!! Preferably one based on my Waffle Kingdom adventure!

Michael: Okay! That’s all for now, folks! Join us next time when we interview-

Mew: IT’S TIME!!! The bad news is…

(Waluigi’s airship crashes into the island and sends the scene into a tizzy. When the isle settles down, everything is thrashed and disfigured and the audience has fallen off.)

Michael: Pain… So much pain…

Mew: It gets worse… SO much worse…

(A summoning circle appears, and from it comes…)

MC Ballyhoo: HAHAHA!!! WHERE ARE WE?!

Big Top: How should I know? Hey kid, we are going to join in whatever you’re doing, and you have NO say in the matter!

Michael and Mew: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Just then, Wario and Waluigi fall out of the remains of the airship; apparently, Wario was piloting it.)

Michael: YOU TWO MORONS BETTER BE READY TO GET THE SUING OF A LIFETIME!!!

One court trial later...

Wario and Waluigi: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Mew: You now owe us 10,0000,000 coins AND an Interview.

Michael: YEAH!! So join us next time on…

Michael and Mew: MICHAEL’S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!

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