Fireball: Welcome, everyone, to Fireball's Interview Show! Starring myself, Fireball! And, once again, being co-hosted by-
(WT's friend/personal cameraman runs out from backstage, carrying a note.)
Amadeus: Actually, Fireball, there's been a change in plans. After the last show ended, WT caught a cold from overexposure to the outdoors environment, and it kinda got worse over time. BUT, I've managed to find a replacement!
Another character enters from backstage. He's a Shaman in magenta robes, whose left arm has been replaced by a metal gauntlet, and... well, you can find out more information about him in the remarkable Acht Sunden story (Shameless Plug).
Endark Larble, the Shaman: Remind me why I, chief advisor to the throne of an obscure-but-powerful kingdom, agreed to sign up for something as frivolous as this?
Amadeus: I promised I'd lend you my collection of Death Note stories if you did this.
Endark: ... Oh, yeah. Sorry; completely slipped my mind for a moment. Now, that's all twelve volumes of manga, the How To Read book, AND the novel about L facing some guy called BB?
Amadeus: ... Yeah, whatever. Anyways, today's guest is a Koopa Striker; basically, he's a regular Troopa that loves soccer so much, he uses his techniques On the battlefield with spare shells. So...try not to mess up too badly on your first try, 'kay?
(Amadeus runs to his post behind the camera as the Koopa Striker enters the scene.)
Fireball: WHO IS THIS GUY? I NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HIM BEFORE!
Mario: My goodness! What is he?
Fireball: That is just weird.
Wario: Even the great Wario is a bit scared of this freak.
Fireball: On with the questions, I guess.
Kammy: Don’t you have anything better to do?!
Fireball: Not really. First question, why soccer?
Koopa Striker: It runs in the family for every Koopa whose parents play soccer.
Fireball: Bad answer... Go, big guy.
Endark: Is that supposed to be an insult, you cretin?! For the record, I keep in perfectly trim condition, taking the time out of my busy schedule back home to run a lap around the castle every single-
Amadeus: We get it, we get it! Just ask the question!
Endark: ... Fine, peons, but you've all just been added to my Revenge List. So, Sir Striker, would I be correct in assuming that the shells you kick at your enemies are hand-me-downs? That is, they've been donated by other Koopas that outgrew them or have found a new shell to call home?
KS: ... Uh, yeah.
Endark: I knew it. After all, I doubt that even Bowser's men would have the guile to shoot their own allies like nothing more than dime-store sports equipment, or even just steal the shell off of each other's backs.
Mario: ... What's “guile”?
Wario: The currency in the most recent Final Fantasy titles, I think.
Endark: No, that's Gil. The term guile comes from-
Amadeus: Newsflash, Endark; nobody cares!
Fireball: I agree with Andy!
Amadeus: It's Amadeus!
Fireball: Whatever...
Mario: Yeah!
Fireball: Next question, jerk! Why don't you hit soccer balls?
KS: Maybe shells are better to kick!
Fireball: Maybe so, but you don't hear me complaining about it!
Wario: People, people... next question!
Endark: Fine then, you gluttonous Neanderthal... Striker, you weren't employed onto the field until Super Paper Mario, while other sports fanatics like Chargin' Chuck have been in Bowser's army for eons. Is this due to poor luck, or some kind of disability that's only been fixed recently, or is there an ulterior motive?
Striker: ... Honestly, we were all too busy either playing soccer or watching games on the telly to show up for the battles. When Count Bleck showed up with intent to blow up the multiverse, though, we got motivated quite quickly.
Endark: For those that fail to comprehend what a multiverse is, for the record, it's basically a-
Amadeus: Zip it!
Endark: Says the fruitcake that bribed me to come here!
Kammy: ... This Interview is a disaster.
Wario: Not really. While everyone's confused and angry, I've managed to steal five wallets.
Fireball: That's great, Wario!
Wario: And that guy over there is sleeping, so you go now while I steal his wallet.
Fireball: You're the boss!
Wario: You bet I am!
Endark: ... I could've sworn this was the FIREBALL Interview Show, but...
Fireball: Next question, did you ever wish to play a sport other than soccer?
KS: No.
Fireball: I see...
Endark: Well, that was obvious. Now, let's see... I don't want to brand you as a traitor to the Dark Land monarchy, but out of curiosity, which of Mario's allies do you like the most?
KS: Well, I kinda respect Toad, since he and the other Mushroom Retainers manage to put up with that rude, egotistical, obnoxious princess every day with a straight face.
Endark: ... Are you referring to Peach Toadstool?
KS: Absolutely! You should hear the things she says when she's locked up in Bowser's dungeon! It'll stun you, that's for sure!
Fireball: Will you tell me?
KS: Sure. After the Interview.
Peach: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You'd better not tell!
KS: I made up my mind.
Peach: Why you-
Endark: Guards! Take her away immediately!
Wario: ... You think he means us?
Mario: Probably. I'm going to get an earful tomorrow at the castle...
(Mario and Wario grab Peach and throw her outside. Peach continues her screaming and yelling, demanding to get back in, but that's not gonig to happen!)
Fireball: Next question then, shall we? What are your thoughts on Bowser?
KS: If you don't do what he says, you're in a world of hurt. But, he's a pretty nice guy when you get to know him. Even if he is evil and that other stuff.
Mario: True! Like in Paper Mario, he never used the Star Rod until he started crying... But they had to cut that scene out.
Endark: Hmm... It looks like a lot of royal figures are going to seek revenge against us once we're done filming. Possibly sooner, at this rate, so we'd better hurry this along. My last query before we ask the audience for their own questions is this: if, by some awkward twist of fate, you only had one day left to live, what would you do?
KS: Well, I don't really have much to worry about, since I'm a good fighter, and the odds of me being brought back as a Dry Bones is quite high. But, whether my revival was guaranteed or not, I'd probably have one last soccer game with my buds.
Fireball: I would throw a pie at Lemmy, but that's not the important thing here. Onto audience questions!
Mario: PICK ME! PICK ME!
Fireball: I pick you last, Mario... remember?
Mario: Kinda.
Fireball: Seat 80.
Luigi: Do you think I'm tough, and all that other stuff?
KS: Well, the last time I saw you was when you were crying in a corner 'cause a Goomba was beating you up...
Luigi: He was being mean!
Endark: ... I think I'll just let the viewers think up their own snide remarks for that one. As for the next question, I pick... seat 27.
Dottie the Pixl: Like, dude, what do you do when it's time to chill? Soccer ain't everything, man; between workin' for the shelled man and running back and forth 'cross that sport field, you must do something to take the stress away, ya dig?
KS: ... Well, on the rare occasion that Bowser isn't making me work AND my buds and I can't play soccer, I tend to curl up with a good book.
Fireball: I should have known my interviewee was going to be a nerd.
KS: HEY!
Fireball: Seat 994.
Goombario: Why do you work for Bowser?
KS: Hey! We Koopas have to make some money somehow! Plus, he gives us food, and we can sleep overnight in his castle. Well, some kind of castle, at least.
Endark: Seat 9.
Silence...
Endark: ... Uh, seat 9?
More silence...
Endark: ... WHOEVER'S IN SEAT 9, WAKE UP!
(The orange-clad man in seat 9 wakes up with a jolt.)
WT: Huh? What's goin' on?
Amadeus: WT?! I thought you were home sick!
WT: Oh, that? I lied in order to get the day off. Interviewing is tougher work than you'd think!
Endark: Tell me about it, peasant. Now, ask your question...and then run. I'll give you a ten-second head start before I chase after you, with the intent of maiming you for dragging me into this silly show.
Amadeus: Ten? I'm only going to give him five, personally.
WT: ... So, Striker, what's your opinion on Waluigi?
KS: Definitely one of the better athletes I've seen, though I still like Toad a bit more than him.
WT: And with that, I'm off!
(WT runs out of the studio. Five seconds later, Amadeus chases after him, and Endark follows five more seconds after that.)
Wario: ... Well, there goes our co-host, and the guy filling in on a regular basis for whoever tapes this show. Looks like a good time to ask the final question.
Fireball: Fine! I’ve got to do everything around here! And WT is going to get a lot of pain!
Wario: Can I join?
Fireball: EVERYONE CAN JOIN!
Everyone: SWEET!
Fireball: Seat 489, AKA the seat Mario's in right now.
Mario: Did you really think you could beat me?
KS: Yep.
Mario: Well, HA!
Fireball: And that's the end of the Interview show, everyone!
Mario: It's over? Dang!
Fireball: I know, Mario, but at least you get to beat on WT.
Mario: Cool!
(Everyone runs out to chase WT.)
WT (already miles away): ALL I WANTED WAS A LITTLE REST AND RELAXATION!
Fireball: End transmission!
Whoops! You're not logged in! |