Fireball: Hello and welcome to my awesome Interview!
Mario: Cool!
Wario: Sweet!
Roy: Shut up, Luigi!
Fireball: What Roy said, Luigi.... Gosh! You can't shut up for two seconds without your chit-chat!
Luigi: Well-
Fireball: There you go again!
Roy: Will I be helping you THIS time, Fireball?
Fireball: Not this Extreme time, Roy.
Roy: Let me guess...
Fireball: You know it!
Roy and Fireball: I can't believe it's not butter!
Fireball: Nobody can believe it... What if it is butter and they're just making us say that?!
Roy: I haven't a clue.
Fireball: Well, here's my helper... WALUIGI'S TWIN, EVERYONE!
(Only 590 people clap for Waluigi's Twin.)
Fireball: 1,000!
(1,001 audience members clap for Waluigi's Twin.)
Fireball: One of you stop!
(1,000 characters clap for Waluigi's Twin. WT then walks onstage, followed by his personal cameraman/good friend Amadeus the Spear Guy.)
WT: ... Well, if nothing else, this is the best trained audience I've ever seen.
Amadeus: No kidding. Now, if you excuse me, I've got to go play some more “The World Ends With You”... I mean, I've got to run the cameras! Yeah, that's it!
(Amadeus quickly runs over to his position, and when he thinks nobody is watching, pulls out a DS and starts playing with it.)
WT: ... Okay then. So, FB, I hear that today's lucky guest will be Hamma, a Glitz Pit fighter. Let's cut to the chase and bring him out, shall we?
Fireball: Well, I've got nothing better to do. Everyone, this is a guest that has a hammer. He is also a Bro. What is he?
Mario: Bro Hammer?
Wario: Hammer Hammer?
Fireball: NO! It's a Hammer Bro we're interviewing today!
(A Koopa with a strong body who's holding a hammer and wearing a helmet comes down and sits in the chair facing Fireball and WT.)
Fireball: Hey there, Bro Hammer.
Hamma: It's Hamma the Hammer Bro!
Fireball: Whatever. So, you can ask the first question of the night for one million coins. Will you ask a question, or read a book?
Wario: PICK B!
Roy: TAKE THE MONEY!
Mario: BUY A VOWEL!
WT: Uh... I'd like to use a lifeline?
Amadeus: Oh, for DAD's sake, this is an Interview, NOT a gameshow! Geez, you guys are so zetta slow!
WT: ... Can't argue with that logic. So, Hamma, here's the first question of the night: With all of those hammers in your pockets, how in the world can you jump so high?
Hamma: I wear Springy Step Shoes. Duh!
Fireball: That's bad news.
Hamma: Why?
(Rawk Hawk comes and punches Hamma.)
Hamma: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Rawk Hawk: That's for bouncing on my head with those spring shoes of yours, dude!
(Rawk Hawk goes away to make a fire for a party at the marshmallow place.)
Fireball: ... That was random.
Wario: You could say that again!
Fireball: That was random!
Wario: You co-
Mario: BUY A VOWEL!
Hamma: I'll buy that vowel if it'll shut you up!
(Hamma purchases a rather large letter A from Mario.)
Fireball: Here's your question, then: Are you related to Bamma the Boomerang Bro and Flare the Fire Bro?
Hamma: Nope. We're just very good friends who've grown up together... It is like we're brothers, though.
Fireball: ... Ok.
WT: All right, next question... Can I have your autograph? I'm a big fan of-
Amadeus: Hey! This is an Interview, hectopascal, NOT a book signing! Save it for later!
WT: ... Geez, Amadeus, ever since you reached the part of TWEWY where they introduced Pi-Face, you've been a lot more aggressive...
Amadeus: Radian! Where's your beauty? Watch out, or I'll CRUNCH, and add you to the heap!
WT: ... Fireball, feel free to ask another question while I have a small “chat” with my cameraman.
(WT stands up, marches over to Amadeus, and drags him from his camera to the backstage area. Screaming can be heard soon afterwards.)
Fireball: Listen to the fun they're having.
Mario: What nice people!
Fireball: Well, since WT is slacking on the job, I'll ask the next question.
Roy: WOW!
Wario: What?
Roy: I can't believe it's not butter.
Fireball: Can you do any other attacks besides throwing hammers or using the springy shoes, Hamma?
Hamma: Well, I could go in my shell, maybe, but I have so much equipment on that I can't attack with my shell. So, no.
Fireball: Cool.
(A beat-up Amadeus stumbles out from backstage, and meekly limps back to his earlier position. WT, fit as a fiddle, returns to his seat soon after.)
WT: Sorry 'bout that interruption, folks. So, Hamma, why did you and the others enter the Glitz Pit in the first place?
Hamma: For the money and fame, obviously! Gee, you're asking a lot of obvious questions tonight!
WT: ... My bad.
Fireball: (whispering) At least they're not blaming me!
Mario: What did you say, Fireball?
Fireball: Nothing.
Hamma: All right, then.
Fireball: Next question here. Hamma, did you ever work for Bowser?
Hamma: I did once, but I stopped because I wanted to be a fighter for myself.
Fireball: Your go, WT.
WT: Well, I may as well ask my usual question. Hamma, what do you think about Waluigi?
Hamma: He's even more mediocre than your questions!
WT: ... You'll pay for that. Later. Right now, I don't want cold water tossed at me. In other news, I think you should ask one more Q before we move on to audience time, 'kay?
Fireball: Fine! Maybe I will.
Mario: That would be nice!
Wario: I agree.
Fireball: Last question, do you have any enemies?
Hamma: I do have some. One is Rawk Hawk and the other one is Bowser. Bowser got so angry when I quit, and Rawk Hawk really grinds my gears.
Fireball: That's cool.
WT: And now for the audience questions! Starting with... seat 17!
Random Sammer Guy: Honorable Koopa with large mallet, what strenuous trials do you undertake in order to be fit enough for surviving combat?
Hamma: I usually just beat up a punching bag 'til my arms get sore. But when prepping for a tough match such as a battle against the Iron Harriers, I play a round of darts or two with Bamma and Flare. It sounds silly, I know, but when all of your weaponry is designed to be thrown, improving your accuracy is a smart idea.
Fireball: He didn't ask you for your whole life story.
Hamma: Well-
Fireball: Seat 56,239.
Goomba #4: Is that hammer your grandfather’s?
Hamma: Yes, it is... How did you know?
Goomba 4: You talk in your sleep when I steal all the stuff at the Pit.
Hamma: Oh.
Fireball: That sure was weird.
WT: Yeah... Talking in your sleep isn't exactly a common habit.
Amadeus: ... Uh, I think he was referring to the fact that Hamma's grandfa-
WT: Shaddup! Next up, Seat 3.14...159...265358979323846264338327950288419716939-
Amadeus: All right! We get it! Just call it Seat Pi!
WT: ... Fine. Seat Pi.
Ludwig von Koopa: Vhes, how do-
Waluigi: AMAZING!
Ludwig: Gack?! Vhat eez it?
Waluigi: I can't believe it's not butter!
Ludwig: ... Vhatever. So, Hamma, how do zee other fighters treat you?
Hamma: Well, offstage, we're closer than you think. Since most of us are still from the Grubba days, when you weren't even allowed to leave once you had signed up, most of us still treat each other like family.
Mario: You fight evil armies, blow up castles, and then try to take all of the credit afterwards?
Hamma: ... No, Mario, not like YOUR family.
Fireball: Likely story about you all liking each other...
Hamma: Get off my arm!
Wario: Don't you mean back?
Hamma: No! He's on my arm!
Fireball: Fine, I'll get off.
Hamma: Thank you!
Fireball: What-EVER! Seat Y2J!
Goomba #515: Did you know that Grubba was making a evil machine with that Crystal Star to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and-
Hamma: GET TO THE POINT!
Goomba 515: .. .Well, did you know?
Hamma: NO! Me and the gang had no idea until some of the people were vanishing, like the Mushy Toady guy.
Fireball: Go WT!
WT: Let's see... Eenie, meenie, minie... Seat 36,912!
Amadeus: This place has over 35,000 seats?!
WT: Apparently.
Dry Bones: What's your opinion on death?
Hamma: Since I risked my life in Bowser's army and I still risk my health in the Pit, I'm mostly okay with the fact that I'll die one day. But, I certainly hope it won't happen to me any time soon.
WT: That's what you think...
Hamma: What was that?!
WT: ... What was what? I didn't say anything. You must be hearing things.
Hamma: ... Okay...
WT: So, FB, call on Mario and wrap this thing up already. It's almost time for my afternoon nap, and I just HATE having to cut back my sleeping time.
Fireball: Fireball do that! Do that! FINE!
Mario: ...
Fireball: Seat Mario.
Mario: ...
(Fireball looks at Mario, looking very angry.)
1 hour later...
Mario: Did you really think you could beat me?
Hamma: Yes!
Mario: Well HA!
Fireball: Well, that's all for today, folks. Come back here at Fireball's Interviews, with his friend WT, who is very good at helping me. I can't believe it's not butter next time!
Mario: It's over? DANG!
Fireball: I know, Mario.
WT: Well, actually, there's one last thing I want to do before things have officially ended...
(WT pulls a remote control out of a pocket in his shirt, and presses a button on it. A mountain of trash falls onto Hamma.)
WT: CRUNCH! You've been added to the heap, Waluigi hater!
Amadeus: And he thinks I'M the one whose obsession with the Grim Heaper needs to be dealt with...
Fireball: End transmission.
Whoops! You're not logged in! |