Clover: So, you’re still not okay?
Kody: Nope, I still need to take a break.
Clover: You’ve been in the hospital for over three days.
Kody: Precisely why I need more time off.
Clover: Give me another Interview then.
Topmaniac: HEY! I want to do an Interview!
Kody: Your time will come, Topman leader, but not now.
Clover: And me?
Kody: Only if one of the freaks joins you.
Dimentio: I like smoothies.
Clover: Me too! What’s your favorite flavor?
Dimentio: Insanity.
Clover: … I’ll take Tira.
Tira: I’m not doing an Interview with you!
Kody: You heard her.
Tira: And may I ask why the sudden change of heart?
Clover: I dislike Dimentio more.
(Dimentio sips a lime slushie.)
Dimentio: Tangy.
Clover: Who’s the–
Kody: That Yoshi kid from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t done interviewing characters in that game?
Pura: Why am I here again?
Kody: I don’t know. Can you go back to Dark Koopa’s crew, please?
Pura: No.
Kody: Fair enough. Now everybody, get out and start the Interview.
(They do so.)
Meta Knight: Wait a sec, the bill just came in.
Kody: How much?
Meta Knight: 42 million coins.
Kody: …
(The hospital explodes.)
Kody: Wow, I need some serious anger management advice.
****
Tira: So how are you?
Gonzales Jr: Fine, yeah!
Clover: Well you probably won’t be after the interview…
Rigel: Don’t jinx it.
Tira: Anyway, let’s start. What’s your real name?
Gonzales Jr: Gonzales the Second!
Tira: Sure.
Gonzales Jr: That’s what he named me.
Clover: Who?
Luigi: SHUT UP!
Gonzales Jr: Mario.
Luigi: Oh.
Clover: Really. So you seem pretty interested in the Glitz Pit.
Gonzales Jr: Oh yeah! I’m the champ. I finally took down Prince Mush, it was epic!
Tira: Spare us, please. And… what color are you?
Gonzales Jr: … You CAN see me, yeah?
Tira: Yeah, but just for kicks, tell us.
Gonzales Jr: … Blue.
Clover: Blue! I like blue! Blueblueblue! EEE!
(Clover starts to jump up and down like a crazed fangirl.)
Tira: STOP THAT!
Clover: Okay.
Gonzales Jr: Yeesh, you’re all crazy.
Dimentio: No, we’re freaks. There’s a difference.
Clover: I’m not a freak, shut up!
Tira: If we could get back to the Interview…
Clover: Yeah… Right, sorry. Did you really think Mario’s name was Gonzales, even after seeing the M on his hat?
Gonzales Jr: Well everybody was calling him that, so I joined in… But yeah, I smelled something fishy right away.
Sushie: I find that offensive!
Tira: And no one cares. You’re a Yoshi kid, right? Where’d you come from?
Gonzales Jr: From Lavalava Island. One of the Yoshis… yeah.
Clover: If you came from there, how’d you–
Gonzales Jr: Get to Glitzville? Somehow in my egg I bounced right up to the volcano’s top, and got blown all the way there!
Tira: And you know this how?
Gonzales Jr: I went back there and heard it all.
Audience: Lies!
(Clover hits a button causing buckets of boots to fall on the audience, killing all the Goombas.)
Tira: I like the way you think.
Clover: Goomba + Boot = SQUASH. Remember that, people.
(Rigel throws a boot at the Goomba King.)
Rigel: Aww, it didn’t work.
Clover: That’s because that boot belonged to a Toad, and the Goomba King is huge.
Goomba King: Ha ha, your efforts are futile.
(Rigel fries the Goomba King with a laser beam.)
Goomba King: Ouch.
Rigel: I’m satisfied.
Clover: Hopefully there will be no more interruptions from the audience… OR ELSE! Good. Now, little Yoshi, where’d you get that awesome hairdo?
Gonzales Jr: I was born with it.
Clover: Aww.
Tira: Poor you. And the shorts?
Gonzales Jr: I stole them from that chicken Rawk Hawk, who stole them off another Yoshi.
Random Yoshi: YOU STOLE MY SHORTS?!
Clover: Eww…
Tira: That’s disgusting!
Rawk Hawk: Uhh… Lies!
(Rawk Hawk is pelted with dehydrogenated canola oil.)
Sir Grodus: Told you I’d make another appearance.
Rawk Hawk: After this, you’re dead.
(Fry Guy runs into Rawk Hawk.)
Rawk Hawk: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
(Rawk Hawk runs around in circles trying to put the fire out.)
Clover: Hmm, chaos.
Tira: I love chaos.
Clover: That’s you, then. Why’d you join Mario?
Gonzales Jr: I wanted to help the guy with the Crystal Stars, yeah!
Tira: Uhh… Why?
Gonzales Jr: They seemed pretty important. Plus I needed battle experience.
Clover: Current stats?
Gonzales Jr: 80 HP, 11 Att, and 5 Def.
Tira: Hm, not bad.
Count Bleck: I shall destroy all worlds!
Tira: Go away, that’s my job!
Count Bleck: NO! …screamed Count Bleck.
Dimentio: Just ignore him, he’ll get fed up and leave.
(Count Bleck gets fed up and starts annihilating the audience)
Dimentio: Not what I had in mind.
****
Kody: Stop looking at me.
Pura: No.
Kody: Stop.
Pura: No.
Kody: Yes.
Pura: No.
Kody: No.
Pura: You can’t fool me.
Kody: Darn it. Wait… Didn’t Mr. L leave for the moon?
(Pura leaves for the moon.)
Kody: Haha, that was too easy.
****
Tira: I’m hungry… and thirsty.
Dimentio: Lime smoothie?
Tira: I need to cut back on my sour fruits.
Dimentio: Shame.
Audience: Where’s the complimentary snacks?
Tira: In the mail.
(The audience leaves for the mailbox.)
Clover: Augh…
Tira: They’ll be back.
Clover: And you know this how?
(The audience runs back screaming, followed by dozens of pale Mushrooms.)
Tira: Never underestimate the power of Zombie Shrooms.
Clover: Ah.
Dimentio: Clever ploy.
Lord Crump: FOOOOOOD!!!
(Lord Crump eats all the Zombie Shrooms and dies… returning as a Boo.)
Boo Crump: Crud.
Tira: Well, let’s get back to the Interview, and just in time for the audience to ask questions. Seat TALKINGKEY.
Yakkey: How can you sustain Mario’s weight?
Gonzales Jr: Even newborn Yoshis are very strong. Even a guy as pudgy as Mario isn’t enough to break my back.
Clover: Seat HOMINGMISSILE.
Torpedo Ted: How can you fly for a short period of time?
Gonzales Jr: I can move my feet really fast, so fast that I can defy the laws of gravity.
Gravity: You dare break my laws?!
(Gravity is hit by the fourth wall.)
Tira: Seat ICANTDIE.
Shotzo: How could you have inhaled those Iron Clefts?! They’re HUGE! And SPIKY!
Gonzales Jr: Uh, magic.
Shotzo: …
Gonzales Jr: All right, all right, dude. My mouth can expand to significant proportions, and is made of a material kind of like Kirby’s… and other Yoshis’, of course.
Kirby: I’m hungry.
Tira: No, I am.
Clover: Er… yeah. Seat FURY.
Fawful: I HAVE FURY! Were you in the knowingest that cards of capture in the third installingment of Paper Mario were in the featuring of you?
Gonzales Jr: What did the insane dude say?
Clover Basically he asked if you knew that you had a Capture Card made after you in Super Paper Mario.
Gonzales Jr: Oh, oh yeah, I got Nintendo to do it for me, as did everybody else, yeah!
Tira: Last one, seat BOSSTHATHARDLYANYONEKNOWS.
Yaridovich: Where do all those Yoshis come from when you summon them?
Gonvales Jr: A Magikoopa teleports them all there when I need them.
Yaridovich: You mean there’s a Magikoopa that’s been helping Mario?!
Rigel: The plot thickens.
Kody: I’m back.
Tira: You are?
Kody: Yeah, I am. Where’s my game?
Tira: In the mail.
Kody: I know you put some Zombie Shrooms in there.
Tira: Crump ate them all first.
Kody: Did he?
(Kody starts to beat up on Crump.)
Tira: Fortune is on my side, it seems.
Rigel: Indeed.
Topmaniac: END TRANSMISSION!
(Topmaniac spins into the camera, destroying it.)
Clover: Must you?
Topmaniac: Yes.
Clover: …
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