Black Yoshi 99: BIG!!!
Big: Zzzzzz- AUGH!!! Whatdoyourequirealmightyoverlord?
Black Yoshi 99: Oh, great… Now that he talks in complete sentences and isn’t so slow, he talks way too fast. Who am I interviewing?
Kirby: Vial vial!
Big: Hesaysthatyou’llbeinterveiwingwithLordShyguyand-
Black Yoshi 99: FOOD!!!
(Meanwhile…)
Lord Shyguy: But I don’t wanna go!
Mamma Shyguy: You will interview with Black Yoshi 99, or so help me, I will give you a smack!
Lord Shyguy: Yes Mamma.
Mamma Shyguy: Good boy.
(Mamma Shyguy leaves.)
Lord Shyguy: Dang… Well, at least I’m prepared! Come here, Chomp Bro!
Bones: Woah, woah, woah! You hired a bodyguard?
Lord Shyguy: Yup. In case Black Yoshi 99 tries to gobble me up!
Bubby: Wow… He’s… buff.
Chomp Bro: My mom was a Chain Chomp. My dad was a Sledge Bro. Plus I workout a lot.
Bubby: That’s nice.
Lord Shyguy: Now remember, if Black Yoshi 99 tries to eat me, you gobble him up, okay?
Chomp Bro: Will do.
Lord Shyguy: Good! Onstage we go!
(Lord Shyguy and Co. walk onstage.)
Black Yoshi 99: FOOD!!! CANDY!!! MUST EAT!!!
(We see Black Yoshi 99 in between a Benihana and a candy shop.)
Kirby: Vial vi-vial?
Big: HEASKEDIFWECOULDHAVESOMEAND-
(Black Yoshi 99 turns around to see Lord Shyguy’s new crewmember.)
Black Yoshi 99: AAAAAA!!!
King Boo: What is it now?
(A vacuum is heard.)
Luigi: There-a you are!
King Boo: AAAAA!!! MUST ESCAPE!!!
(They both run, or float, off.)
Lord Shyguy: Are we interviewing? Chomp Bro will beat you up if you don’t.
Big: So, you’re Chomp Bro, eh?
Black Yoshi 99: BIG!!! Two things… One, you spoke normally, and two… NO FRATINIZING WITH THE ENEMY!!!
Big: Ponies.
Lord Shyguy: We’re interviewing… NOW!!! Freckles, come in.
Freckles: My name is Frankly!
Lord Shyguy: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now, why do your glasses have swirls on them?
Frankly: *spirals star spinning* You will give me all your money!
Lord Shyguy: Not happening.
Frankly: *spirals stop* Fine. I used to be a skilled hypnotist, which is how I became a professor. I hypnotized my teachers into thinking I’m smart. But I haven’t practiced in four years.
Lord Shyguy: So… you’re stupid?
Frankly: Um… *spirals star spinning* You didn’t just hear that.
Lord Shyguy: Yes I did.
Frankly: *spirals stop* Darn it.
Black Yoshi 99: Big, ask a question for me.
Big: Crackers?
Frankly: Crackers?! GI’MME!!!
Black Yoshi 99: Not-so-Lordly-Shyguy? Would you do the honors?
Lord Shyguy: Of course, White Goomba 66. Chomp Bro, shut him up.
(Chomp Bro takes out a shotgun and points it at Frankly.)
Lord Shyguy: Shoot him! Shoot him!
(Lemmy suddenly floats down from a mysterious light wearing angel wings and holding the nine commandments of Lemmy’s Land.)
Lemmy: Commandment five clearly states “Thout shalt not kill thy interviewee.” You must obey.
Lord Shyguy: Fine. Chomp Bro, stand down.
Chomp Bro: Okay… But I don’t like it!
(Lemmy floats back up.)
Black Yoshi 99: … Anyway, age?
Frankly: 16! I just got my driver’s license!
Lord Shyguy: What?
Frankly: Doncha’ know ‘bout dat totally wacked dis-ease, yo?
Lord Shyguy: Sorry, I don’t speak homie.
Black Yoshi 99: There’s a disease that makes your body age faster. Now shut up. Is Goombella really your favorite student?
Frankly: Yeah, if you count girlfriend as a favorite! IN YOUR FACE, RAWK HAWK!!!
Big: She’s your girlfriend?!
Frankly: Yeah. You got a problem with that?
Bones: Yeah, foo’!
Bubby: DAT’S WACKED, BRO!!!
Chomp Bro: Yo totally raisin’ my roof wit’ dat!
Lord Shyguy: Am I the only one who doesn’t know what everyone is saying?!
(Everyone nods.)
Lord Shyguy: Okay, fine. Frankly, do you know Professor Kolorado?
Frankly: AAAAA!!! Is he here?
Lord Shyguy: Um…
Voice in audience: YES!!!
Frankly: MY WORST NIGHTMARE IS COMING TRUE!!!
Voice: Just kidding!
Frankly: Good.
Lord Shyguy: So you know him?
Frankly: Yes… He’s so scary.
Waluigi: Quit making fun of me! AAAAA!!! That dust speck is so scary!
(Waluigi runs off crying.)
Bubby: … Okay… Odd.
Bones: … Yeah.
Chomp Bro: Ditto…
Lord Shyguy: Whatever.
Black Yoshi 99: SHUT UP!!!
Voice: I’m jobless!
Black Yoshi 99: You’re hired! Who are you?
Voice: I’m Prickles, the Pokey!
Kirby: Vial?
Big: He says that Prickles should ask the next question.
Prickles: YEAH!!! Um… Did-
Lord Shyguy: Don’t do it! You’ll be tortured to no end!!!
Black Yoshi 99: And you’re any different?
Big: Me and Chomp Bro have been talkin’… Crack-
Prickles: Let me ask a question! Did you give Goombella her tattle book?
Frankly: No. She got it at Koopas n’ Plumbers.
Kirby: Vial?
Frankly: It’s a bookstore.
Mario: I’m a plumber!
(Black Yoshi 99 chucks Mario out the window. He greets Prickles with the traditional cage with a ball and chain.)
Bones: So Koopas n’ Plumbers is like Barnes and Noble. I see…
Prickles: But you don’t have any eyes!
Black Yoshi 99: Nobody cares. Audience questions! Seat THEPURPLEWIND.
Wario: The awesomeness that is me wants to know where you come from.
Frankly: I was born and raised in-
Lord Shyguy: That little Goomba village near Toad Town?
Frankly: Yeah, how’d you know?
Lord Shyguy: It’s my-
Bones: Sixth-
Bubby: Sense.
Lord Shyguy: Yup. Seat SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDCIOUS!!!
Mary Poppins: Although the sound of it is something quite atrocious!
Bubby: Get outta here!
Chomp Bro: Seat CUZI’MJUSTTOOWHITEANDNERDY!
Weird Al: Yes you are.
Bones: ASK A QUESTION!
Weird Al: Um… What’s your IQ?
Frankly: Um… uh, well… SOUR CREAM!!!
Big: A dollop… A dollop… Of daisy!
Black Yoshi 99: Big, go buy some food.
(Big Leaves with Chomp Bro, chatting like no one has ever chatted before.)
Lord Shyguy: Chomp Bro, where are you?
(Big and Chomp Bro appear again.)
Black Yoshi 99: Seat I’MMOREORIGINALTHANALLOTHERSOFMYKIND!
THE Green Yoshi: … Yoshi?
Black Yoshi 99: Are you-
Big: TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME!!!
Black Yoshi 99: (firing shotgun at Big) DIE!!! Anyway, can you speak normally?
THE Green Yoshi: … Yoshi!
(Black Yoshi 99 shoots THE Green Yoshi.)
Prickles: Seat HEADMAGICALTURTLEGUY!
Kamek: Why are Goombas so blob-like?
Frankly: We have no bones.
Big: Caffeine?
Frankly: No, I prefer de-caf.
Black Yoshi 99: Big? You should be dead! And your seat wasn’t called!
Lord Shyguy: Who cares? Seat SIRPAJAMABOY.
Link: Twup?
Big: He says, “Why did you move to Rogueport?”
(Frankly moves stolen money and seemingly dead bodies behind him.)
Frankly: Um… It’s peaceful?
Lord Shyguy: I detect a question mark! Die!!!
Black Yoshi 99: Let the slaughter-fest begin! End-
Lord Shyguy: Frankly’s life!!!
Black Yoshi 99: No, just end transmission.
Computer: No.
Prickles: HAHA!!!
Chomp Bro: End-
Lord Shyguy: Frankly’s life… Twice!
Prickles: END TRANSMISSION!!!
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