Blaze: Rrrr… Anyway, today we’re interviewing the biggest, hungriest, and… gooiest Piranha Plant of ‘em all! Give it up for Petey Piranha!
(Petey flies onstage. The audience cheers.)
Kamek: Petey, how are you feeling today?
Petey: Pretty good. I had a bad case of indigestion this morning, but I’m good!
Blaze: Dude, I don’t think you really needed to add that, but whatever. Anyway, first question… What do you like to do?
Petey: I like to eat people alive.
Koopa Troopa (from inside Petey’s stomach): GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!
Hammer Bro (from inside Petey’s stomach): YEAH!!! IT SMELLS LIKE OLD CHEESE IN HERE!!!
Kamek: If I hear the “C” word again, I’ll… I’ll… Rrrr… I’ll think of something, but it won’t be pretty!!!
Blaze: Kamek…
Kamek: Oh, right… Next question… Larry’s a plant lover. Are you friends with him?
Petey: Yeah! Actually I’m his right-hand man in Grass Land!
Blaze: Ooh! Next question, how does it feel to be a boss in Super Smash Bros. Brawl?
Petey: To be a boss in a game as awesome as Brawl, it feels… awesome!
Kamek: *sigh* I wish I was in that game…
Blaze: Well, you’re not, now ask him the next question already!
Kamek: Next question… You’re big enough to swallow Mario whole-
Mario: (singing to the Jingle Bells rhythm) CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE!!! CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE!!! CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE!!!
Kamek: I still haven’t thought of anything… As I was saying, why didn’t you just swallow him?
Petey: He could’ve still filled my stomach with water from the inside, then I would’ve barfed up the water and Mario.
Mario: GIMME CHEESE!!!
(Kamek gets a light bulb above his head.)
Kamek: Petey, what if Mario DIDN’T have FLUDD? Could you still swallow him without further incident?
Petey: Well, yeah, but… Wait, do you want me to eat him right now?
Kamek: Well, what better way is there to shut him up?
Petey: But I already ate a Koopa Troo-
Kamek: What difference does it make? Now swallow him before he saws the “C” word again!
Petey: But I-
Kamek: EAT HIM, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!
Petey: But-
Kamek: DO IT!!! DO IT!!!
Audience except Mario: DO IT!!! DO IT!!!
Petey: Oh, fine, but you’re not gonna like what happens next…
(Petey flies to Mario and swallows him whole.)
Mario (from inside Petey’s stomach): CHEESE!!!
Kamek: You’re right. I DON’T like what happens next.
Petey: That’s not what I meant *blurp, blurp*
Blaze: *GASP* HE’S GONNA-
(Petey barfs up the Koopa Troopa, Hammer Bro, Mario, and tons of goo. The entire room is filled with goo.)
Audience: Eww…
Petey: Um… Excuse me?
Blaze: (completely brown in goo) I have nothing to say…
Kamek: (completely brown in goo) Me neither.
Mario: CHEESE BALLS!!!
Kamek: …
Blaze: I guess it’s time for audience questions… Seat 14!
Kooper: How can you make so much goo from your body?
Petey: I had a feeling someone would ask that… I guess goo spitting just comes naturally.
Kamek: You in seat 209!
Diddy Kong: How did you become friends with King Boo?
Petey: I got to know him when Bowser called him and me to guard Shine Sprites. He was pretty interesting, and we even decided to be partners in Double Dash.
Blaze: How about seat… 80!
Koopa the Quick: What was it like when you were swallowing Peach’s tears in Super Princess Peach?
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