If you remember, last time, Joshua was fighting Shadoo, AKA his father (OMD PLOT TWIST) to rescue the Shadow Queen, and to a lesser extent, Max. We left when Shadoo became more powerful.
Joshua: Hi-yah!
(Joshua drop-kicks Shadoo. No effect.)
Joshua: Oh crud.
Shadoo: Farewell, my son. Shadow Cannon!
(Shadoo fires a mighty black beam at Joshua, sending him into the wall. He slumps, like he’s dead.)
Shadow Queen: No!
Max: Does this mean I go back to Shady Parakoopa?
Shadoo: BWAHAHAHAHA!
Shadow Queen: You monster! You killed your own son! Your own flesh and blood!
Shadoo: (moving closer to the Queen) That’s how much I love you.
Shadow Queen: Get away from me!
Shadoo: Touchy. Me likey.
Shadow Queen: Max…
Max: Kinda tied up here!
Shadow Queen: JUST DO THE &%*$)£%& RANDOMIZER!!!
Max: I CAN’T UNLESS SOMETHING RANDOM IS HAPPENING, LIKE A RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR! BUT! I can do this. DESTINIZE!
(Max glows, and Joshua glows white. The Crystal Stars come out of his pocket.)
Shadoo: WHERE’D HE GET THOSE?!
(The Crystal Stars leave, and go to-)
Lemmy: Wait a minute!
(What?)
Lemmy: This is an Interview! Interview something, don’t show incredibly cool fights!
Aww... Fine, here’s Petey Piranha...
Petey: All right, the time has come for my solo Interview! Who do I get?
Inferno: The Crystal King.
Petey: Sweet. Wait, not sweet, he’ll freeze me!
Inferno: Tough.
Petey: Aw, man…
(Some time later, in the studio…)
Petey: Welcome to Joshua’s Super Interview Show! Unfortunately, the bossman is still on his quest to rescue his petite amie.
Inferno: When’d you learn French?
Petey: The boss gave me a few lessons.
Princess Shroob: That could be handy for when I try to take that place over… I’ll get him to teach me when he comes back.
John: IF he comes back.
(Those most loyal to Joshua maul John. If he saw that, he’d be proud. It was Inferno, Shady. Techno Guy, Petey, Princess Shroob, King Boo, Venomoth, Steelix, and Katie.)
Lemmy: TOO MUCH FILLER! INTERVIEW NOW!
Petey: Take a chill pill, Bill.
Bullet Bill and Banzai Bill: We don’t feel like it.
Torpedo Ted: I’m a torpedo!
(A convenient Thwomp crushes Banzai Bill and knocks out Torpedo Ted.)
Bullet Bill: … Ok, I’m joining. I believe in fate. IT’S A SIGN.
Crystal King: Let’s just get on with this…
Petey: Right, right. What exactly are you the king of?
Crystal King: The Shiver Region.
Petey: Then why did you join Bowser?
Crystal King: Kicks. And he promised me Ice Land.
Petey: … But isn’t that place ruled by Lemmy?
Crystal King: Paper Mario was before SMB3.
Petey: What are the Crystal Bits?
Crystal King: Pieces of ice I animated with my powers.
Petey: How did you heal yourself in the battle with Mario?
Crystal King: Magic.
Petey: …
Crystal King: What, you expected some long, complicated, scientific answer?
Petey: Kinda.
Crystal King: …
Petey: Did you build the Crystal Palace?
Crystal King: No, my ancestor had his servants build it, and it has been passed down through the royal family for generations. I’m actually Crystal King XVII.
Petey: The seventeenth?
Crystal King: Yep.
Petey: So Crystal King is the general term?
Crystal King: Again, yes. My real name is Robert Plantagenet.
(Cookies to anyone who gets that reference.)
Petey: Nice. So-
Inferno: Wait a minute… WHAT THE *$&^ IS THAT?!
Petey: But-
(Meanwhile…)
The Crystal Stars fly out of the Pit. The Diamond Star goes to Noki Bay, the Emerald Star to Ricco Harbor, the Gold Star to Lavalava Island, the Ruby Star to Rogueport (noticing a pattern here?), the Sapphire Star to Toad Town, the Garnet Star to Dark Land, and the Crystal Star to Joshua’s Studio. Why didn’t a Star go to Keelhaul Key? Don’t you remember them destroying the town about 15 Interviews ago?
(In Noki Bay…)
(The Elder Noki approaches the Diamond Star. We can see the beat-up Joshua and Shadoo standing over him triumphantly through it. This is the same with all the other Stars.)
Elder Noki: Hey, that’s that Interview guy… And he’s pretty beat up.
Other Noki: So?
Elder Noki: … Good point.
(They walk away.)
(In Ricco Harbor…)
Pianta: Hey, that’s that guy who did some Interviews here!
Other Pianta: Yeah, that’s one terrible show.
(They walk away.)
(Lavalava Island…)
Raphael the Raven: That’s the guy responsible for wiping out most of Yoshi Village! And he’s dying! YAY!
Yoshi Elder: BWAHAHA! REVENGE FOR THE MASSACRE! KILL HIM, SHADOO!
(They watch through the Star.)
(Rogueport…)
Grifty: … Who the £(%^ is that guy?
Frankie: Beats me.
Note: The Interviews in Rogueport were in the sewers.
(They walk away.)
(Toad Town…)
Toad: That’s the guy who kidnapped the princess! And he’s about to die!
Earl: Well, that’s karma for ya.
(They watch.)
(Dark Land…)
Koopa Troopa: Hey, this dude’s about to die!
Hammer Bro: Sweet, let’s watch.
(They do so.)
(Joshua’s Studio…)
Inferno: BOSSMAN, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *breaks down crying*
Katie: He’ll be all right… I hope.
Shady: He’ll be fine, this must be the stereotypical scene during the final boss fight where the hero gets a ton of power to finish him off.
(Simultaneously, the Crystal Stars all glow. They then rise into the sky, circle around, gather power from each other and from the sun, and fly back to the Pit.)
Petey: Well, that was interesting. So, Crystal King, what are your weaknesses?
Crystal King: As my palace is so confusing, it’s easy to make me dizzy.
Petey: Get that?
Mario (walking out from backstage): Yep.
Crystal King: … Crud. I’ll get you for that.
Petey: All in good time. Now, how do your servants navigate your palace?
Crystal King: Much practice.
Petey: Assuming that the servants have to complete the puzzles in your palace to get to you, how do they reset?
Crystal King: There’s a button just after the puzzle with the dinosaur statues. Hit it, and the whole palace resets. There’s also one at the entrance of the palace.
Petey: How are the dinosaur statues behind the mirror connected to the ones in front of it?
Crystal King: They’re connected under the floor with steel rods.
Petey: Audience time! Dimentio, since we can’t use the SUPER NUMBER RANDOMIZER, you’re up.
Dimentio: Score!
(He shoots sparks in the air.)
Petey: Block 4, Row 11, Seat 8!
Fuzzy: MEORK! STATS!
Crystal King: Someone needs a grammar lesson…
Fuzzy: MEORK! STATS! OR I LUNCH ON YOUR HEAD!
Crystal King: 70 HP, 6 Attack, and 2 Defense. My Crystal Bits have only 2 HP.
(Dimentio fires some more sparks off.)
Petey: Block 3, Row 6, Seat 9!
Dark Koopa (not the tourist): I AM NOT AN EMO!!! How do you clone yourself?
Crystal King: I don’t. The copies are illusions. Holographic projectors were embedded in the snow.
Bullet Bill: Hey, can I ask a question?
Petey: If you must…
Bullet Bill: How do you have so much defense?
Crystal King: I’m made of ice. It’s pretty hard stuff. It’s not a Koopatrol’s armor or a Buzzy Beetle Shell, but it does the job.
Petey: Ok then, that’s all we have time for. End Transmission.
Inferno: To the camera I have placed in the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials!
Katie: … Why do you have a camera in the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials.
Inferno: Why not?
Katie: …
(After the audience, the Crystal King, and Mario all leave, the crew go backstage and observe what’s happening in the Pit. The Crystal Stars return, and circle Shadoo.)
Shadoo: This can’t be good…
(The Stars blast him.)
Shadoo: ARGH! Cheap trick!
(The Stars now move over to Joshua, and he hears his crew’s cries… Basically this is the same as the interlude during the Shadow Queen battle. BUT WITH A DIFFERENCE.)
Max: Idea! DESTINIZE!
The Stars circle Joshua, a bright light illuminates the room, and Joshua gets cool-looking angel wings made of light. They’re like Yggdrasill’s from Tales of Symphonia. (Yes, that’s the author’s favorite game. What do you mean you’ve never played it?! Get it on eBay. NOW.) Anyway, he’s also healed, and more powerful.
Joshua: Ah, much better. Ready for round three? This one’s the decider, y’know.
Shadoo: Heh. You’re still no match for me!
Joshua: We’ll see. We’ll just see…
Whoops! You're not logged in! |