PlayStop

DIMENTIO, SQUIRPS, AND BARRY interview FRACKTAIL
 
By Fillet-O-Fish

(Anti Dude and the crew are driving through a city in a tie-dyed bus. Everyone except Anti Dude is singing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow".)

Everyone: FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW, THAT NOBODY CAN DENY!

Anti Dude: Don't make me turn this bus around!

Dimentio: Sorry.

Anti Dude: I thought so.

(FOR HE'S A JOLLY GO-)

Anti Dude: You too, Narrator.

(Whoops. Why are we on this bus, anyway?)

Anti Dude: I forced you all to buy groceries with me.

(Right. We arrive. Everyone runs off to buy food they like. Hey, Dimentio, bet ya five bucks that the grocery store is on fire at the end of the day. And not because of Anti Dude's powers.)

Dimentio: You are very long-winded. Deal.

(Dimentio, Squirps, and Barry go to the chips. Fracktail is there.)

Fracktail: SEARCHING DATABANKS... 
... 
... 
... 
C:/PICTURES.FILES.JESTER.EXE 
C:/PICTURES.FILES.ALIEN.EXE 
C:/PICTURES.FILES.SHIELD.EXE 
STATUS: INTERVIEWERS 
INTERVIEW ME

Dimentio: Can't, we’re boycotting TV until the Animaniacs comes back on air.

(Fracktail lunges at Dimentio.)

Barry: Okay, we will. Who built you?

Fracktail: THE ANCIENTS.

Dimentio: Why are you so technological?

Fracktail: THOSE ANCIENTS WERE CRAGNONS.

Squirps: Okay, squinks! Squirps wonders why Wracktail exists?

Fracktail: FOR ALL LIGHT THERE MUST BE DARK.

Barry: Where do your Frackles come from?

Fracktail: DO YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW?

Barry: Yes?

(Fracktail takes Barry into a corner and whispers something to him. They come back.)

Barry: Un... Unspeakeable things...

(He faints.)

Dimentio: I'm not gonna ask. Why do you have an antenna that can kill you anyway?

Fracktail: JUST IN CASE I EVER DOUBLECROSSED THE ANCIENTS.

Squirps: What are the Frackles for, squelp?

Fracktail: THEY ARE TO STOP ANYONE FROM SHUTTING ME DOWN.

Barry: Now!

(They run into the parking lot, steal a Batmobile, and drive away. They hit a skyscraper. It falls on the Batmobile, which catches on fire. Barry, Dimentio, and Squirps emerge unharmed.)

Barry: Plan B!

(They go back to Fracktail.)

Fracktail: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

Dimentio: Nothing.

Squirps: Why do you have legs if they're so tiny, squeep?

Fracktail: THEY HELP ME PICK THINGS UP.

Dimentio: In SPM, you emerged from the sand. Why were you under there?

Fracktail: I WAS CYROGENICALLY FROZEN TO BE LIKE WALT DISNEY.

Barry: Then how'd you break free?

Fracktail: THERE WAS A PEDAL THAT MARIO STEPPED ON, WHICH LET ME FREE.

Squirps: Are you related to those other dragons?

Fracktail: NO. NOT AT ALL. WRACKTAIL IS BONETAIL'S COUSIN, THOUGH.

Dimentio: Wracktail is my pet. Why is the Wii Shop Channel logo in your eyes?

Fracktail: NINTENDO COPIED ME. I HAD IT FIRST.

Dimentio: Which ancient made you?

Fracktail: WHO.

Dimentio: The Ancient.

Fracktail: WHO.

Barry: You sound like an owl.

Fracktail: WHO MADE ME.

Dimentio: That's what we wanna know!

Barry: Who made you?

Fracktail: YES.

Squirps: Yes made you?

Fracktail: NO. WHO MADE ME.

Barry: Who did?

Fracktail: YES.

(This continues for half an hour. Let's look at something else, shall we?)

Meanwhile...

Petey: TACO!

(…)

Dimentio: So who made you?!

Fracktail: WHO DID!

Barry: Let's start over. Someone made you, right?

Fracktail: YES.

Barry: Did that someone have a name?

Fracktail: YES.

Barry: What is it?

Fracktail: WHO.

Squirps: Squirps is confused! Change the subject? How much HP do you have?

Fracktail: AROUND 20.

Barry: What's up with your eyes?

Fracktail: WHAT'S UP WITH YOURS?

Barry: Touche.

Dimentio: What do you do now?

Fracktail: I'M AN ARTIST. I MAKE SCULPTURES OF DECAPITATED PEOPLE.

Barry: O.O Goodnight, everybody!

(Fracktail crashes into a wall. The building catches fire. Ha! You owe me five bucks!)

Dimentio: Fine... One cent, two cents...

(End transmission!)

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