(Late at night, a Dark Paratroopa sneaks into Joshua’s apartment in the city and flies over to his bed. He’s about to stab Joshua, when suddenly…)
Joshua: Nice try.
(The light turns on, revealing that the Joshua in the bed is a fake. The real deal is sitting in a chair, pointing his wand at the assailant.)
Joshua: You’ve been stalking me from Dark Land. And I recognized you first time I saw you, too.
Dark Paratroopa: I’m that obvious?
Joshua: Painfully. Now, what do you want… Shadoo?
Shadoo: An Interview. And I want the Shadow Queen to do it.
Joshua: *sigh* This is some kind of sad excuse for a plot device, isn’t it.
Author: Maaaaaaayyyyyybe…
Joshua: I despise you.
Shadoo: Can we just get on with this?
Joshua: Very well…
(Shadoo snaps his fingers, and they appear in the empty studio. He snaps them again, and the audience is full of dark enemies from the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials. Some Dark Lakitus are working the cameras.)
Shadoo: Now, for my interviewer…
(He chants in an odd language, until the still sleeping Shadow Queen appears in the studio.)
Joshua: … Works for me…
Shadoo: Awaken, my Queen…
Joshua: I don’t like where this is going…
Shadow Queen: (groggily) This better be important…
Shadoo: It is. You are to interview me.
Shadow Queen: And if I refuse?
Shadoo: Your boyfriend dies.
(Shadoo points a knife at Joshua’s throat.)
Joshua: … Would it have killed you to have told me about this earlier?
Shadoo: Nah, I just didn’t feel like it.
Joshua: … Welcome to Joshua’s Super Interview Show. Shadow Queen?
Shadow Queen: All right… Wracktail said you were a monster created by the Ancients. Why did they create you?
Shadoo: The Ancients were weak, and insecure. They feared attack from their enemies, and created Fracktail, Wracktail, and I to protect them. Naturally, I, as a demon, was the most powerful.
Shadow Queen: Then why are you so evil?
Shadoo: I felt that my power was being wasted serving the Ancients. I tried to convince them that I was more powerful than them and should rule over them, but for some reason, they didn’t go for it. I teamed up with Wracktail, and we rose up against them, but they overpowered us. I had underestimated them. I was imprisoned in the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials, but not before I had read the Light Prognosticus and learned of the four heroes.
Joshua: You’re rather long-winded…
(Shadoo cuts Joshua’s arm a little bit.)
Joshua: Ow.
Shadow Queen: To be fair, he has a point.
(Shadoo cuts Joshua again.)
Joshua: … Just interview him…
Shadow Queen: Why did you take Mr. L’s form instead of Luigi’s?
Shadoo: Can you honestly say you’d take Luigi instead of Mr. L?
Shadow Queen: Good point. But how’d you know about Mr. L in the first place?
Shadoo: When the heroes first came through the Pit, I accessed their memories of the journey so far. One of my powers. Bwahaha. Anyway, I discovered Mr. L, and I decided that his persona was more fitting than Luigi’s.
Shadow Queen: Why did they have to go through the Pit twice before they fought you?
Shadoo: Two reasons. My forms of them were still not complete, and I thought the first time was a fluke.
Shadow Queen: Fascinating. Now then… Why did you want ME to Interview you?
Shadoo: I wish to resume our relationship.
Joshua: *GASP!!!*
(Shadoo cuts his wing.)
Joshua: But I don’t have wi- I mean, argh, the pain.
Shadow Queen: We dated?
Shadoo: You’ve forgotten? Tut, tut. It was only 1,500 years ago. Yes, we dated. You remember, while I was bodyguarding the Ancients in a city, you tried to attack it, and, well, the attraction was undeniable.
Shadow Queen: I was in a coffin for 1,000 years, plotting my revenge. You went to the back of my mind. Besides, it kinda broke down when you, oh, I don’t know… got yourself locked in the Pit of 100 Trials?
Shadoo: I apologise.
Shadow Queen: So, ignoring that, why did you attack the heroes in the first place?
Shadoo: I hoped to take their place in the outside world, and find you again. And gain a little glory along the way…
Shadow Queen: You’re still the same egomaniacal, power-crazed jerk I dumped 1,500 years ago.
Shadoo: By the way… I did get out of the Pit for one day. Heh-heh-heh. I tried to get a Crystal Star, but accidentally found myself on Earth… I believe you know my son.
(Shadoo points… at Joshua.)
Joshua: WHAT?! NO WAY!!! THAT AIN’T POSSIBLE!!!
Shadoo: Oh really? Think about it. Unless I’m mistaken, the Queen here showed you how to use some demon power. Do you think you could do that if you weren’t half-demon?
Joshua: I- This is so wrong… How did you get out anyway?
Shadoo: The first time I injured myself, so the Catch Card chests appeared. I opened the chests and the pipe appeared, which I used to escape. However, I was weak, and was caught by Merlon. After the heroes defeated me, my spirit was freed, and sent to the Underwhere. I stole a Shade’s body, then used it to reclaim my own, which was being stored by Jaydes.
Shadow Queen: Mother! Did you hurt her?
Shadoo: No.
Joshua: Jaydes is your mom? This is just weird…
Shadoo: Brilliant, no? The first time I escaped, I became your father.
Joshua: Then Katie…
Shadoo: Your half-sister. She was cute when she was 2.
Joshua: I still say you’re lying!
Shadoo: Ask me my true form.
Shadow Queen: … What is your true form?
(Shadoo transforms. but not the same way as he did in SPM. He looks like he’s in pain, he goes into a cocoon, and then bursts out. He looks like a taller version of Joshua, but he’s completely black, like the Flopside Pit of 100 Trial enemies.)
Joshua: It- It can’t be! AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Shadoo: Now then… Shall we continue?
Shadow Queen: But he’s about to have a nervous breakdown!
Shadoo: My son’s mental state is none of your concern. It is MY mental state that you are now to be concerned about, honey.
Shadow Queen: Get away from me!
Shadoo: (angrily) Then I suggest you ask another question…
Shadow Queen: Um… How did you create the dark enemies?
Shadoo: Magic.
Shadow Queen: Guess I should’ve seen that one coming.
Shadoo: Indeed. Now, it’s audience time. Bring in the DARK NUMBER RANDOMIZER!
(Some Dark Hammer Bros. bring in a black version of the SUPER NUMBER RANDOMIZER.)
Shadoo: RANDOMIZE! … Block 3, Row 7, Seat 10!
Joshua: The similarity…
Dark Goomba: Sir, how was it that you had the hammer when you took on Mario’s form?
Shadoo: I saw that he was experienced with the weapon, and managed to create a dark version.
Dark Goomba: Then why didn’t you do the same with Mr. L’s form?
Shadoo: Mr. L never used a hammer, except when he was building Brobot. Now, RANDOMIZE! … Block 6, Row 2, Seat 5!
Dark Paratroopa: How did you get us into the Pit of 100 Trials?
Shadoo: I’m surprised you don’t remember. I was able to teleport you to them. The Ancients had taken most of my teleportation powers away, but I still had enough to move you guys. But now, I have regained them! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Joshua: (Psycho.)
Shadow Queen: (Why do you think I dumped him?)
Shadoo: … Final question. RANDOMIZE! … Block 6, Row 6, Seat 6!
Joshua: …
Dark Crazee Dayzee: Why would the Ancients create a demon to defend them?
Shadoo: I’m guessing that their enemies wouldn’t expect it. Anyways, I’m a freakin’ powerhouse! Demons are naturally very strong.
Shadow Queen: True.
(She flexes her bicep.)
Shadoo: Now then, my dear.
(He tries to touch the Shadow Queen’s hand, but she slaps it away.)
Shadow Queen: I’m not interested!
Shadoo: If only it were that simple for you.
Joshua: Touch her and suffer a horrendous game over.
Shadoo: Cute.
(He knocks out Joshua, creates a portal to who-knows-where, binds and gags the Shadow Queen, puts her under his arm, and jumps in.)
(Several hours later…)
(The portal has dissipated to a tiny rift. Joshua regains consciousness.)
Joshua: Dang… He escaped.
(Max flies in.)
Max: … I’m early, aren’t I?
Joshua: Yep. But it doesn’t matter. I’m leaving.
Max: What?
(Joshua explains the story to Max.)
Max: So that’s where babies come from?
Joshua: … You didn’t listen to a word I said.
Max: Nope!
(Joshua rolls his eyes, knocks out Max, and writes a note to Inferno.)
Joshua: (staring at the tiny rift) Half-demon…
(Joshua focuses, and uses demon power to re-open the portal.)
Joshua: I’m coming, SQ.
(He grabs Max and steps into the portal…)
(END TRANSMISSION)
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