(Joshua walks into the studio one morning.)
Joshua: One morning? Lame start…
Shadow Queen: Hey, honey. Happy birthday.
Joshua: Good morning. Thanks.
(They kiss.)
Shadow Queen: Shady Parakoopa left you this note and this package.
Joshua: Any money?
Shadow Queen: Nope.
Joshua: :(
Shadow Queen: It says, “Dear Loser, Yux’s randomizer finally did me some good, getting me 3 months’ vacation on Isle Delfino. Woo-hoo! The bad news is that you get this package to add to your crew”-
Joshua: I have to add a BOX to my crew?
Shadow Queen: “No, idiot, that does not mean the box, it means what’s INSIDE the box.”
Joshua: That guy is psychic…
Shadow Queen: “It’s Max. Meaning you get the power of his destinizer. Darn you. Yux inherited/stole the Randomizer from Max's grave along with the hat. The destinizer can upgrade itself to a randomizer though when used alongside a mini-randomizer (AKA, rock paper scissors or drawing straws or even that number generator thing, basically anything random), and when combined with a full-fledged randomizer it combines to level two, which you already know about. Oh yeah, and er, Slim and Hammer Sis say happy 15th birthday. They were gonna send you some pills, but the post office wouldn’t let them. Blaze says hi to Inferno. Yours, Shady Parakoopa.”
Joshua: Sweet.
(Joshua opens the package, and a dead Lakitu with horns falls out.)
One 1-Up Mushroom later...
Max: *gasps for air* *%^$ SHADY PARAKOOPA! YOU AND YOUR TINY PACKAGING!!!
Joshua: Hello to you too.
Max: Who the Underwhere are you?
Joshua: Your new master.
Max: But Shavilo is my master!
Joshua: Tough, slave. You can help John on cameras.
Max: Man, I’ll never get to interview…
Author’s Note: Yes, I have Shady’s permission to use this guy. It was his idea, in fact.
Joshua: Anyways, Steelix, you’re up to interview.
Steelix: Yes!
Joshua: You’re the only one big enough to do it.
Steelix: Macho Grubba… I’ve got some questions already…
Cut to later that day...
Steelix: Welcome to Joshua’s Super Interview Show!
(The audience is only half its usual size, due to the immense amount of space taken up by Steelix and Macho Grubba.)
Steelix: Today, I interview Macho Grubba. So Macho, how did the Gold Star power you up?
Macho Grubba: The Gold Star’s power, Power Lift, was amplified by my machine.
Steelix: And who designed and built that machine?
Macho Grubba: I did. I’m mighty smart!
Steelix: So how did it suck up other fighters’ power?
Macho Grubba: Same principle as an HP Drain, but with power. The Gold Star could give me power, but draining from other fighters helped the amplification.
Steelix: How did the Gold Star suck Prince Mush into it?
Macho Grubba: It was the first time I used the power-draining function. It was too strong, and it accidentally sucked up Mush. I figured he’d just be too weak to do anything when I used it on him. I realized I could use this to get rid of people I don’t like! :D
Steelix: … What are your stats in normal form?
Macho Grubba: 20 HP, 5 Attack, and no Defense.
Steelix: Wait, when you muscle-up, you actually LOSE attack power?!
Macho Grubba: … Dang. I guess the Gold Star increased my HP instead of my attack. Hey, it made the battle last longer.
(Meanwhile…)
(Joshua’s driving through the city in his Batmobile. Did I forget to mention that the studio’s in a city? My bad.)
Maguskoopa: Hey, you stole that from me!
(Deal with it. Now leave.)
Maguskoopa: Aww…
(Maguskoopa vanishes in a puff of logic.)
Joshua: Man, it feels good to have the wind rushing through my hair. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…
(His cell phone rings. It plays Numb, by Linkin Park. But he’s hands-free, so he just pushes the button on his headset.)
Joshua: Yeah? J.C. Roulette? Ok… Send Max with the wheels, I wanna try something.
(Joshua pulls over and gets out of the Batmobile. Max somehow teleports there with the roulette wheels.)
Joshua: Thank goodness the author’s lazy; I thought I’d have to wait.
Max: Yeah, whatever.
(Max trips, and accidentally uses his destinizer. Idiot. Joshua doesn’t notice.)
Joshua: Spin J.C. Roulette! The person is… Me! Wait, what?! Um, and the event is… my Batmobile explodes. Dang.
(The Batmobile explodes.)
Max: I feel weird… But this feels familiar… I- RANDOMIZE!
Joshua: What the Underwhere? I thought you didn’t have that power anymore!
(Max glows, then stops.)
Max: I know! The good news is…
(Joshua’s Batmobile remakes itself.)
Joshua: Yes! I think I’m going to like this!
Max: Yeah, but the bad news is…
(A meteor lands on Joshua.)
Max: OMD I KILLED MY NEW BOSS!
Joshua: Nice try, new slave.
Max: What the flaming monkey?
Joshua: 1-Up Mushroom. I never leave home in the morning without a few.
Max: Why?
Joshua: A lot of people hate me.
Max: …
Joshua takes Max’s “...” and puts them in front of this “Meanwhile” This creates: Meanwhile...
Inferno: (glancing up at that last bit of text) How did he do that?!
Shadow Queen: I showed him how to use a little demon power.
Inferno: …
Steelix: I’m hungry… Oh, right. Interview. Why do you turn orange when you muscle-up?
Macho Grubba: The blood flow to my muscles is increased, and my skin appears orange. Really, it’s still blue.
Steelix: So your blood’s orange?
Macho Grubba: Nope, red. It’s just quite a light red.
Steelix: Works for me. Now then, when you were younger, where did you fight and learn all those moves?
Macho Grubba: Well, at family reunions, I used to wrassle with cousin Tubba. I never beat him once :(. Last I heard, he moved to some place called Gusty Gulch…
Steelix: You do realize he was invincible, right?
Macho Grubba: I do now!
Steelix: But not anymore.
Macho Grubba: Yes! After this Interview, I’ll beat him this time! Anyways, I did the majority of my training and fighting at the Koopaseum, in the Gritzy Desert.
Steelix: ???
Macho Grubba: It’s a fighting coliseum for warriors. I was Grand Champion three years running!
Steelix: Fascinating. Audience time! Dimentio?
(Dimentio pulls the lever on the SUPER NUMBER RANDOMIZER!!! Man, it feels good to say that.)
Dimentio: Block 1, Row 4, Seat 3!
Ruff Puff: Why are you in Macho form now if your machine was destroyed?
Macho Grubba: After absorbing the Gold Star’s power for the first time, I learned to control it. I can transform at will.
Dimentio: RANDOMIZE! … Block 4, Row 12, Seat 9!
Poison Pokey: What happened after Mario defeated you?
Macho Grubba: Jolene threw me off Glitzville, but my shell protected me from the impact. I went back to Gritzy Desert and I’m workin’ on becomin’ champ again.
Mr. L: The Green Thunder is bored of this. He says this shall be the last question!
Steelix: Quiet, shorty. I decide when we finish! Last question!
Mr. L: …
Dimentio: RANDOMIZE! … Block 1, Row 1, Seat 12!
Steelix: (to YOU. Yes, you) I bet you thought it’d be Seat 1.
Goomba: A-
Inferno: Die!
(Inferno kills the Goomba.)
Steelix: Dude, you have issues. Yes, you, the guy who was sitting on that Goomba’s right!
Spiked Parabuzzy: What species are you?
Macho Grubba: A Clubba. Me and cousin Tubba prefer to let our fists do the talking, though. Our skins are normally blue because our ancestor accidentally injected blue hairdye into his skin, thus causing him to turn blue.
S. Parabuzzy: … You’re kidding, right?
Macho Grubba: Nope.
John: How come only enemies from Riverside Station asked questions?
Author: Who cares? End Transmission!
Steelix: Hey, I was supposed to say-
(END TRANSMISSION)
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