Anti Dude: I’m bored.
Lemmy: Interview someone.
Anti Dude: No. He can.
Lemmy: No one’s there!
Anti Dude: Exactly.
Lemmy: Why don’t you do it?
Anti Dude: Cuz. Have The Guy in The Cloak interview. He hasn’t spoken for a while.
Lemmy: Neither have Ninjee or that clone guy!
Anti Dude: Ninjee, clone guy, you’re fired. And you too, Bee Mario 8.
Ninjee: WHY?!
Anti Dude: You’re a plot twist and have had two lines. The author doesn’t know what he was thinking when you joined.
(Ninjee leaves, along with that clone guy and Bee Mario 8.)
Author: It was my first Interview! Give me a break!
Guy in Cloak: You need me, Master.
Anti Dude: Interview someone. I’m gonna look for someone to join now that I’ve fired those three guys.
(G.I.C. goes onstage, in front of a full audience.)
G.I.C: You. Here. Now.
Petey Piranha: RAWR?
G.I.C: Yes. You. What is that goop?
Petey: RAWR!!!
G.I.C: Speak English. Now.
Petey: *gulp* I threw up when I ate a bad piece of toast.
Anti Dude: THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A BAD PIECE OF TOAST!
G.I.C: Silence. Aren't you doing something else?
Anti Dude: Oh, yeah.
Petey: Anyway, it became an ability.
G.I.C: Why are you different from other Piranha Plants?
Petey: You aren’t using correct gra-
(G.I.C. makes a Piranha Plant in the audience explode using his mind.)
Petey: I was mutated by sludge from Noki Bay. I used to be Larry’s favorite, and I still am!
()
Anti Dude: Next!
Baron von Bone: Here, have a nsolation Anti Dude tote bag.
(Anti Dude and the Baron are sitting at a desk. A Goomba leaves with a tote bag. A Blooper comes in.)
Blooper: OHHHH YEAH BABY, OH OH OH YEEEEAHHHHH BABY, YOU ARE MY LOVE, BABY, OHHHHH-
Anti Dude: This is not Plitian Idol!
Baron von Bone: Here, have a consolation paper cup.
()
G.I.C: Why do you wear a Speedo?
Petey: I have to wear something!
(The audience all look at each other, run off, and come back wearing clothes.)
G.I.C: How are you in the past in M&L:PIT but also here in the present?
Petey: I used a different time machine to go back and find a corndog I lost.
G.I.C: How are there two of you in Mario Hoops: 3-on-3?
Petey: I came back and saw myself going into the time machine, and stopped myself. Then I slept there, and told myself that I found the corndog, and the one of me that came out of the past vanished because I never went in.
G.I.C: How do you fly that mass of fat around?
Petey: I have never been so insulted in all my life!
(G.I.C. makes another Piranha Plant explode.)
Petey: My leaves have much power.
()
Nimbi: Romeo, Romeo, where art thou, Romeo?
Anti Dude: Nope.
Baron von Bone: Have a consolation picture frame.
()
G.I.C: Why did you kidnap Peach and Zelda in Super Smash Bros. Brawl?
Petey: I don’t know. I was on caffeine at the time. Now I drink decaf.
G.I.C: Why do you golf, play baseball, and drive?
Petey: I’m not all bad. I like to have fun, too.
G.I.C: Why were you in the ice world in New Super Mario Bros?
Petey: Where else would I go?
G.I.C: World 4.
Petey: Mega Goomba was the boss!
G.I.C: … How do you see anything?
Petey: My petals absorb the light, which get absorbed into my skin, reflecting everything around me. Then my brain-
Aurora: You have one?
Petey: Shush. Then my brain sees the reflected images, and transfers them to my lips, where I see faint images of things. Simple, really.
(Everyone in the audience and Interview crew, minus G.I.C, Aurora, Anti Dude, and Baron von Bone look like their brains just exploded. They start drooling.)
()
Anti Dude: Next!
Baron von Bone: Have a consolation piece of toast.
Anti Dude: MMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
G.I.C: I think we can wrap up the interview. Leave.
(Everyone does.)
(Anti Dude and the Baron walk in. Lemmy comes up to them.)
Lemmy: Anyone?
Anti Dude: Nada.
Baron von Bone: Hey, how about Petey?
Petey: I don’t have a job yet…
Anti Dude: You’re hired!
(Petey walks backstage to the rest of the crew.)
Petey: Hi everybody!
Everyone: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Petey: No, I’m Petey Piranha.
Everyone: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!
Everyone: Hi, Petey.
Petey: I’M Petey!
Everyone: No, you’re Dr. Nick!
(End Transmission.)
Petey: Wait! I’m Pet-
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