Anti Dude: Well, today we're doing a double Interview!
(The crew, including me, clap and cheer.)
Anti Dude: We're working with Joshua. Y'know, the human.
Crew: Uck, a human!
Anti Dude: C'mon, we want this to be good! Don't insult him!
(Meanwhile, at Joshua’s Interview studio…)
Joshua: Today, we’re doing a double Interview!
(The crew groan.)
Joshua: We’re working with… uh, some dude…
(Anti Dude appears, via plothole.)
Anti Dude: That’s Anti Dude to you!
Joshua: … You forgot your crew.
(Hey! I'm still here! Anti Dude set me on fire. Ouch! Hothothothot!)
Anti Dude: Oops.
(He leaves, via the same plothole.)
Joshua: Anyways, I’m doing the Interview with him.
Princess Shroob: He was pretty gross.
Petey Piranha: Even grosser than Crump!
Lord Crump: *sniff* Everyone hates me…
Joshua: Can you blame us?
(Back with Anti Dude…)
Anti Dude: Well, like I said, today we are doing a double Interview!
(The crew try to clap and cheer, but fail.)
Anti Dude: Since none of you nimrods want to do it, I'll do it myself. *sigh* Are you guys comin’ at least?
The Crew: NO!
Anti Dude: … Tough.
(He pulls out a burlap sack and stuffs everyone including me into it. Hey, it’s dark in here! Er, from what I can tell… Anti Dude slings us over his shoulder and starts walking.)
Anti Dude: We’re here!
Joshua: Hi... umm…
(Joshua pushes all his crew under a fireproof rug, except the Shadow Queen, who he shoves in her coffin.)
Joshua’s Crew: We’re being shunned by that guy?
Anti Dude: I heard that!
Inferno (from beneath the rug): How long has this rug even been here?!
John (also from beneath the rug): It wasn’t here when we left!
Joshua: (Shut up, you guys!) So, today we shall interview Iggy.
Anti Dude: Shall?
Joshua: I see why a lot of people don’t like you.
Anti Dude: Where are you from, the Overthere?
Joshua: Enough jokes about my speech.
Anti Dude: Aww. But that’s not fun…
Joshua: And I should care because…
Anti Dude: Because I can light you on fire?
Joshua: Fair point…
Anti Dude: Fair point? Nimbi.
Joshua: … Better a Nimbi than a Shy Guy.
Techno Guy (from beneath the rug): Hey!
Anti Dude: I’m an Anti Guy! Ha!
Joshua: Silence, slave! Now where were we… Ah yes, let’s get started.
Anti Dude: TO TEH INTERVIEW!
Joshua: L33T! IT BURNS!!!
Anti Dude: Now I know your weakness!
Joshua: Oh darn it.
Anti Dude: Must… resist… urge… to insult…
(Iggy comes onstage.)
Anti Dude: I get first question!
Joshua: Brat.
Anti Dude: … Why do you look so weird in Super Mario World?
Iggy: I could say it was my clone, but it wasn't. I was taking a shower, and my rainbow hairdye came off, so I reached for more, but I grabbed blue paint and poured it over my hair. But my hair got stiff without the dye, so the paint ran down my body. I used soap to get it off, but it got in my eyes. Since my hair was stiff, I could take infinite hits to the head.
Anti Dude: You said but! Tee hee! (Morton.)
Joshua: Paint in the bathroom? Bizarre.
Iggy: Don't ask.
(Joshua sips a little teacup of blood with his pinkie out.)
Iggy: … And you call me bizarre.
Joshua: Shut up, you nerd. Did you choose Giant Land in Super Mario Bros. 3?
Iggy: No, it was the last one left, so I was forced to take it. Everyone else beat me up so I had to pick last. That said, it wasn’t too bad, as it meant I got the biggest land.
Anti Dude: Which land did you want?
Iggy: Space Land always seemed cool...
Joshua: Space Land? Why have I never heard of this place before?
(I don't know. Go read an atlas sometime.)
Joshua: Only nerds read atlases!
Anti Dude: Once I read an atlas...
(Anti Dude starts charging up fire.)
Joshua: You can't do this to me! It's my birthday soon!
Anti Dude: Drat. 8U7 1 C4N D0 TH1S!!!!!!!11!!!ONE!!!!!1!!!
Joshua: Owie!
Inferno (from beneath the rug): Hey! I’m the only pyromaniac around here!
Joshua: Back to matters at hand… Do you and Lemmy actually finish each other’s sentences like in the cartoon?
Iggy: Nah, we used to, but we outgrew it before Superstar Saga.
Joshua: Good, it was annoying.
Iggy: …
Anti Dude: Hey, Joshua, it looks like we do have something in common.
Joshua: ...
Anti Dude: Is your catchphrase really “I agree”?
Iggy: No. Now it’s FLAZAWAZADOBOPBOPYOW!!!
Joshua: 0.o
Anti Dude: To think he used to be my favorite...
Joshua: You have poor taste… Now I’m hungry.
(Joshua eats Iggy’s left arm.)
Everyone: 0_0
Iggy: AARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Joshua: Oh, stop whining. Are you really the weakest Koopaling?
Iggy: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!
Joshua: Don’t make me get Morton in here!
Iggy: I’ll be good. But physically, yes. In terms of intelligence, no.
Anti Dude: Huh?
Baron von Bone: He means he’s the weakest but not the stupidest.
Anti Dude: I knew that.
Joshua: Where did he come from?!
Baron von Bone: I’m everywhere and nowhere.
Joshua: …
Anti Dude: Am I still carrying this sack?
(He drops the sack. Ow!)
Anti Dude: What do you think of your siblings?
Iggy: Roy is a jerk, but you knew that. Wendy throws too many tantrums, but she can be nice. Lemmy is the funniest and he’s probably my favorite. Morton talks too much. He doesn’t mean any harm, but he doesn’t know when to shut up. Ludwig is smart, but his inventions never work. Larry is just sorta stuck in there
Joshua: So lame. Why are you the only Koopaling who wears glasses?
Iggy: Roy wears glasses.
Joshua: They don’t count. They’re sunglasses.
Roy: They’re SHADES!
Joshua: Shut up.
(Roy tries to punch Joshua, but he misses and hits Baron von Bone, who scatters.)
Baron von Bone: Sometimes, it just doesn’t pay to be a Dry Bones.
Iggy: Roy tends to hit me in the face a lot. You’d need glasses if he hit you a dozen times a day.
Joshua: Makes sense, I guess.
Anti Dude: Who is smarter, you or Ludwig?
Iggy: Ludwig is smarter, but my inventions work more than his, even if I don’t invent a lot. Yup, I made the Yoshi’s Safari robots.
Joshua: I was gonna ask that!
Anti Dude: Haw haw, I’m wicked bad!
Joshua: … Never say that again, under penalty of eternal whipping.
Anti Dude: Aww…
Joshua: Why do you dye your hair rainbow?
Anti Dude: Dang! I was gonna ask that.
Joshua: Ha. Eye for an eye.
Anti Dude: Wha?
Joshua: …
Iggy: Well, the sibling I’m closest to is Lemmy, and I wanted to show it. Plus, I didn’t like my old hairstyle.
Anti Dude: All your siblings say you are good in everything. Wouldn’t this make you the best in defeating Mario?
Iggy: Probably, but I don’t attack Mario much. I’m working on this top secret project and- Oh, wait. Sorry. It’s a secret.
Joshua: … You’re telling us.
Iggy: No I’m not.
(Joshua simply points the Beam Sword at Iggy’s neck.)
Iggy: No.
(Joshua points a gun at Iggy.)
Iggy: No.
(Joshua aims a rocket launcher at Iggy’s face.)
Iggy: No.
(Joshua brings Morton into the room.)
Iggy: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I’LL TELL YOU!!!
Joshua: No need to yell.
Iggy: …
(Joshua knocks Morton into the stratosphere with the Homerun Bat.)
Joshua: First, tell us: Are you really named after Iggy Pop?
Iggy: Yep, all of the Koopalings were named after a musician, or, in Morton’s case, a talkshow host.
Joshua: Right then, let’s hear that top-secret plan, then.
Anti Dude: … Are you British?
Joshua: Northern Irish. So, I live in the UK, but also in Ireland. But this is Iggy’s Interview, not mine.
(Joshua pats Iggy on the head.)
Iggy: Well...
Anti Dude: Joshua, you’re a good guy, right?
Joshua: Technically, yes.
(Anti Dude and Joshua start laughing maniacally.)
Iggy: Anyway, umm, I’m gonna... Gee...
(Joshua brings back Morton.)
Morton: Will you please tell because you haven’t even told us an-
Iggy: I WAS GONNA POISON SOME PASTA, GEEZ!
Joshua: ...
Anti Dude: How did you just say dot dot dot?
Joshua: DO NOT QUESTION MY POWERS!
Anti Dude: STOP YELLING!
Iggy: WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING AGAIN?
Morton: I LIKE YELLING BECAUSE IT IS TALKING LOUD AND YOU SAY EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN AN UNDIGNIFIED MANNER WHILE EXPRESING RAGE OR SADNESS AND-
Audience: SHUT UP!
Scorch: HI GUYS! I’M YELLING TOO!
Joshua: Under the rug... Hurry!
Anti Dude: How’d he even get out?
Joshua turns around to see all his crew members, minus the Shadow Queen, carrying crowbars and baseball bats.
Joshua: Yikes!
He runs away.
Anti Dude: End transmission. That went pretty well.
Anti Dude turns around to see all of his crew members, including me, with crowbars and baseball bats.
Anti Dude: Uh oh. Joshua, I’m with you!
Shadow Queen (still in coffin): Hello? Is anyone there?
Iggy: I am...
SQ: Let me out!
Iggy: K.
(He does so. Then SQ comes out to find several country singers with crowbars and baseball bats. Wait, I’m chasing that little $%^$*&%! This Interview is over!)
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