JOHNNY: Please tell us we're doing this Interview!
Lord Crump: Yeah man, it's been so long, dude!
zz1666: It's only been one Interview!
JOHNNY: Oh.
Lord Crump: But are we still doing it, dog?
zz1666: Yeah, I guess you can. Just make this one good.
JOHNNY: Ha!
Lord Crump: Let's tear this bad boy up, dog!
(The two walk onstage.)
Hermie III: It's about time, losers! I'm not getting any younger!
Lord Crump: I can tell. man!
Hermie III: How do you know I'm a man?
JOHNNY: Because Hermie is a boy's name.
Hermie III: So? I've met a boy named Morgan and a girl named Morgan.
Lord Crump: Point proved, dog.
Hermie III: Good, now start asking me questions.
JOHNNY: Alrighty, why does your shell look like a Christmas tree? Are you that obsessed with Christmas?
Hermie III: How do you know I'm not Jewish?
Lord Crump: ... Are you, dog?
Hermie III: No, but don't be so quick to judge someone.
JOHNNY: Then answer the question.
Hermie III: My shell color is green, and the girls from the lagoon like to decorate my shell with sea shells and sea weed, and they gave me the Beanstar piece when they found it on the shore. I guess I kind of did look like a living Christmas tree.
Lord Crump: Yo dog, what does the III after your name mean, dog?
Hermie III: Hermie I, well, you may know him as Clawgrip, but he's my father. After he was defeated by Mario, he left Sub-con and moved to the lagoon, where he had my older brother, Hermie II, and me. That's why I'm Hermie III.
JOHNNY: What happened to Hermie II?
Hermie III: I don't like to talk about it, but let's just say he's looking down at us as we speak.
Lord Crump: You mean he's invisible, dog?!
JOHNNY: Are you a SPED? He means he's-
...
JOHNNY: I won't say it.
Hermie III: Thanks, I appreciate it.
Lord Crump: What's you favorite part about living in the lagoon, dog?
Hermie III: So much. I like the warm weather, the beach, the free massages from the Jellyfish, the girls, the location. I guess these are reasons why.
JOHNNY: Cool, so how did your shell grow so big?
Hermie III: Since I was so strong, I grew big, and my shell fell off, so I found this huge one that some Microgoombas were using as a cave, so I kicked them out and made this my shell.
Lord Crump: It's time for-
Audience: Blues clues!
Lord Crump: Audience questions, dudes.
Iggy: So this isn't Blues Clues?
JOHNNY: We've been asking him questions the whole time, what did you think this was?
Iggy: I thought it was a commercial.
Lord Crump: It's not, dogs!
(Half the audience leaves.)
JOHNNY: For those of you still here, ask some questions about Hermie. How about you in seat 17.
Koopa: Why is one eye bigger than the other?
Hermie III: That eye is better than the other one.
Lord Crump: The dog in seat 9, man.
Paratroopa: Have you ever left the lagoon?
Hermie III: Yeah, I went searching for a new star to put on top of my shell, but found nothing.
Lord Crump: Seat 4, dog.
Kent C. Koopa: Eh, have you ever appeared in any other games?
Hermie III: No, Nintendo was too stupid to realize how cool I was, so I didn't appear in another game.
JOHNNY: How about seat 24.
Koops: H-
Lord Crump: Yo man, what's with all the Koopas, dude?! I hate Koopas; they're so stupid, dog!
(The rest of the audience leaves.)
JOHNNY: Nice going, Crump!
Hermie II: Smooth.
Lord Crump: Yo dog, not my fault!
zz1666: Yes it is, now I may not have another Interview again!
JOHNNY: Thanks a lot.
Lord Crump: @@#@*^$*^ dog!
Hermie III: Hey zz, can I say it?
zz1666: Sure, since JOHNNY and Crump are too busy bickering.
Hermie III: Yes, end transmission!
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