Pit: Where are we?
Musical Guy: I don’t know, some flowery place?
Shrugger: I HAVE A GPS SOMEWHERE IN MY PACK… THERE!
Mrs. I: So, where are we?
Shrugger: PETAL MEADOWS, SHWONK SIDE.
Y-Naut: Ah. How far is that from Lemmy’s Land?
Shrugger: A LONG WAY, BUT NEVER MIND THAT. I’M THINKING THAT WE SHOULD MAKE A NEW STUDIO HERE!
Pit: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!
Y-Naut: Remember that last Interview, the studio was destroyed?
Pit: Oh. I see your point.
Musical Guy: Where’ll you build it?
Shrugger: WE’RE FRIENDLY WITH THWOMPS. THE MASTER OF SHWONK FORTRESS IS A THWOMP. WE ALSO HAVE A CEILING MADE OUT OF THWOMPS.
Musical Guy: As if on cue… Oops. Can I be rehired again, Y-Naut?
Y-Naut: Yep. Oh! But if I rehire you, you and Pit will have to interview someone while Shrugger, Mrs. I, and I… Wait, huh?
Pit: One, why me; and two, while you guys and gal build the studio?
Y-Naut: Because you’re you, and that’s what I’m trying to say!
Pit: I…
Musical Guy: Accept!
Y-Naut: Ok. You can narrate again.
(Yes! As I was trying to say, as if on cue, a bazillion Thwomps descended from the sky. Let’s go and interview, Pit!)
One uneventful period of time later...
Pit: I can’t believe you made me do this in the first place… Wait, what’s happening to me?
(Pit is flashing white and glowing. Oh, I don’t know, Pit.)
Pit: Maybe I’m evolving again…
(What? You’re evolving?! Insert the same special effects from last time that Pit evolved. Congratulations, you evolved into Squog! Hey, that rhymed!)
Pit: I can see why they fire you.
(Hey!)
...
Pit: Something happened, and you missed it.
(Oh, whatever. Suddenly, a familiar figure comes out from the brush! Um, I start humming Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony.)
???: OKAY, WHERE IS THAT TRAITOR TIPPI?!
(You?!)
Pit: Who is this guy?
(He’s-)
???: THE MIGHTY GOOMBA KING!
Pit: … The mighty who?
Goomba King: GRRR…
(DON’T get him angry. Watch this.)
(FLASHBACK)
Shrugger: SEAT UHOHFORINTTERVIEWEE!
Goomba King: WHY’D YOU DIVORCE ME?!
Tippi: Uh oh…
Y-Naut: So you don’t have to see the following violent scene…
(END FLASHBACK)
Pit: Sorry. Hey, while you’re here, want us to interview you?
Goomba King: NO! I HAVE TO FIND TIPPI AND DESTROY HER!
Pit: … Has it occurred to you that she and Count Bleck might be in their little own dimension?
Goomba King: UH, NO?
Pit: So how’s about we interview you, get Shrugger to build a new Wheel of Interviewees (which the Mega Muths broke), use it to teleport Tippi to our studio, and then you can destroy her? You can even join our crew and fire Musical Guy!
(Hey!)
Goomba King: SOUNDS PRETTY NICE. I ACCEPT!
Pit: Okay then. Go get an audience, Musical Guy, while I interview this guy. Huh? Oh, never mind.
Goomba King: I DON’T THINK THAT’LL BE NECESSARY.
(Oh. You have a squad of Goombas. Hey, is that…?)
Hyper Goomba From Last Two Episodes (HGFLTE): SUGAR!
(Not. Him. Again.)
Pit: … May we start the Interview? Good.
(Last time on… Lemmy bursts from out of nowhere in a rocket.)
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!
(Let me handle this. VIOLIN THRUST!)
...
(Oh, I forgot. I use my violin as a sword and hit Lemmy, who then explodes for the sake of the plot. As I was saying, last time on The Shrugger’s Interview Show, Pit joined the crew! Also, a horde of Mega Muths destroyed our first studio!)
Pit: What he said. FIRST QUESTION! Are you and Goomboss the same guy?!
Goomboss: DUH. WE- I MEAN I LOOK ALMOST EXACTLY ALIKE IN SUPER MARIO 64 DS AND PAPER MARIO.
(What kind of Goomba do you like the best?)
Goomboss: HYPER GOOMBAS! THEY’RE SUPER STRONG, ARE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING, AND GREEN! I LOVE GREEN!
Pit: Are you on Bowser’s side?
Goomboss: YES, BUT ONCE WE GET ENOUGH STRONG KINDS SUCH AS THE GOOMBA IN ROY’S SPORTS HALL WHO HAS GOOD TELEPATHIC POWERS, WE SHALL REBEL!
Goombas in the audience: WOOHOO! GO GOOMBOSS! BOO BOWSER! GOOMBAS! GOOMBAS!
Pit: Ooookaaayyy. What’s your weakness?
Goomboss: YOSHI EGGS OR GOOMNUTS.
(Do you want to appear in any more games?)
Goomboss: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…
3 hours later...
Goomboss: …SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I DON’T CARE WHAT, I JUST WANT TO APPEAR IN ANOTHER GAME!
Pit: Ooookaaayyy again. Are you related to King Kaliente? I mean, you guys look sorta alike.
Goomboss: KING KALIENTE WAS A SHROOBIFIED VERSION OF ME THAT WAS NOT SHROOBIFIED RIGHT. HOWEVER, WE’RE BEST BUDS.
(Ok, time for a question that people probably wanted to know the answer to since our first Interview. How did Tippi go to Count Bleck’s original dimension?)
Goomboss: SOME TRIBAL GUYS SENT HER THERE WITH SOME CRAZY MAGIC.
Pit: Simple, but I don’t care. GOOMBA 546!
Mr. Little: Vhy are ze Goombas from Zuinosaur Land all balooney?
Goomboss: WHY AREN’T THERE ANY SHY GUYS IN SUPER MARIO WORLD?
(FLASHBACK)
(A Goomba and Shy Guy are standing in the middle of nowhere. The Goomba looks hungry, and is gleefully showing his teeth to the Shy Guy.)
One event not suitable for this website later...
Goomba: Yum!
(END FLASHBACK!)
Mr. Little: Zowchie. I see zour point.
(…)
Pit: Musical Guy just had a heart attack from what Goomboss just said. I’ll cover for him until he recovers. GOOMBA 537!
Red Goomba: In Paper Mario, at one point Bowser says he regrets making you a king with the Star Rod. Weren’t you a king in Super Mario 64 DS?
Goomboss: YES, BUT MY AUTHORITY WASN’T RESPECTED BY THE KOOPAS. THAT WAS CHANGED WITH BOWSER’S STAR ROD.
Pit: Now wait a second! Why’d Bowser make you a king in the first place?
Goomboss: IN THE ALMIGHTY AUTHOR’S OPINION (AND THUS WISE, ALL OF OURS) SUPER MARIO GALAXY HAPPENED AFTER SUPER MARIO 64 DS. ONCE PAPER MARIO BEGAN, KAMELLA, BOWSER’S HEAD MAGIKOOPA FROM BACK THEN, GOT JEALOUS OF HER SIBLINGS KAMEK AND KAMMY. SHE KNEW BOWSER DIDN’T LIKE ME, AND SHE LIKED ME, SO SHE STOLE THE STAR ROD FROM BOWSER, AND TURNED ME INTO A RESPECTED FIGURE AMONG THE KOOPAS. BOWSER’S MEMORIES THEN WEIRDLY REARRANGED, AND I GOT AWAY WITH IT.
((who woke up during the speech)What?)
Pit: You don’t wanna know. Goomba 666!
HGFLTE: SUGAR!
(squish)
Pit: Thwomp 64, what are you doing?
Thwomp 64: BOSS WANTED ME TO GIVE YOU RIDE BACK TO COMPLETED STUDIO. BOSS ALSO WANTED ME TO FIRE MUSICAL GUY FOR CONFUSING READERS WILDLY FIVE LINES BACK.
Musical Guy: Not again.
Pit and Goomboss (on top of Thwomp 64): END TRANSMISSION!
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