(The interviewing stage opens up. Hundreds of people immediately run in. All of the lights turn off. A golden spotlight shines around the stage.)
Voice: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Today we are not really proud to announce that the man being interviewed is none other then Jr. Troopa!
(The spotlight goes on Jr. Troopa.)
Jr. Troopa: Hi everybody!
(cricket, cricket, cricket)
Jr. Troopa: Everyone’s a critic.
Voice: And the interviewer is none other than… THE KOOPA BROS!!!
(Some rock and roll music starts playing.)
Audience: WE LOVE YOU!!! SIGN MY NOTEPAD!!! THE KOOPA BROS?! NO WAY!!!
(The Koopa Bros. come in.)
Red: Thank you, thank you.
Yellow: My fans.
Black: MY fans.
Red: Anyway, before we… interview this boring fish thing-
Jr. Troopa: Hey!
Red: -we would like to introduce ourselves (as if you don’t even know who we are). Boys, HIT IT!
(Yellow starts playing some music.)
Red: RED!
Black: BLACK!
Green: GREEN!
Yellow: And the coolest one-
(SMACK)
Yellow: I MEAN YELLOW!
Red: And we are, the totally rad super cool Ninjakoopas!
Green: I thought we were the Koopa Bros, though.
Red: Shhhh! Don’t spoil it!
Jr. Troopa: All right! You’re not interviewing yourselves, big shots! You’re interviewing me!
Black: You say that like it’s a good thing.
(Jr. Troopa is angry.)
Red: All right. Um, weird voice guy, explain the basics of this fish thing.
Voice: Isn’t that your job?
Yellow: We’re all going to eat some sandwiches instead.
Voice: Whatever. So here are the basics of Jr. Troopa. Jr. Troopa was first and only seen in Paper Mario. He is the bully that doesn’t quit. And he kept battling Mario because he thought he was cool. And he is NOT a fish.
Jr. Troopa: Yeah, you stupid ninja things! I’m not a fish! And I don’t battle Mario because I think I’m cool, I battle Mario because I know I’m cool.
(Plus he was asking for it!)
Red: Wow… Well you’re still a fish to me.
Jr. Troopa: Meanies! Didn’t I kick you away at Bowser’s Castle a long time ago?
Green: All right, little man, let’s get one thing straight. You’re not interviewing us, ok!
Red: Anyway, in Paper Mario you swam all the way to an island and back, and you were too stupid to use your wings?
Jr. Troopa: Hey! I wasn’t stupid. I just forgot that’s all. And you should be cheering for me for swimming that long.
Yellow: Egg guy, I’ve seen monkeys swim better.
Jr. Troopa: Are you insulting me?
Yellow: Depends. Why do you wear an egg anyway?
Jr. Troopa: I was born with this egg on me. I was hatched, and it kept me safe too, so I decided to never take it off.
Black: Wow…
Jr. Troopa: Shut up!
Red: Next, in Paper Mario you kept on getting new power-ups like wings, spikes, and other stuff I’m to lazy to mention.
Jr. Troopa: I kept on having to train at some kind of super place or something. There was this one magician that made me pay him for the powers.
Yellow: Right… Anyway, let’s get some questions from the audience, shall we?
Red: Oh, I want to pick a number! Hm... 693!
Piranha Plant: Hm... Do you have weaknesses?
Jr. Troopa: Not that I know of. But that one electric guy Mario had with him was pretty tough. So I guess electricity.
Red: Write this down!
Green: On it!
Black: All right, number... 757!
Another Piranha Plant: Do you have any allergies?
Jr. Troopa: What kind of question is that? I am allergic to bees, though.
Red: Keep writing this down!
Green: On it! Oh, it’s my turn to pick, right? Um, number 890!
Oh my goodness another Piranha Plant: What food do you hate the most?
Jr. Troopa: Well I love Mushrooms-
Yellow: NERD!
Jr. Troopa: SHUP UP!!! But I really hate Poison Mushrooms.
Red: Keep writing it down!!!
Green: I AM, I AM!!!
Yellow: If this is a Piranha Plant I’m going to get really angry! 567!
SWEET JUMPIN HIPPOS ANOTHER PIRANHA PLANT: Sweet, my turn! Where do you live?
Jr. Troopa: What the?! I’m not giving you my address!
Black: As a prisoner of this Interview you are required to answer everything!
Jr. Troopa: Prisoner?! Whatever. I live west of Goomba village in a turtle house.
Green: I’ve got it!
(Red takes the notepad from Green.)
Red: Guards! Could you give me a Poison Electrical Mushroom with bees on it?
(A guard hands him the Mushroom.)
Red: Here you go!
(Red throws the Mushroom in Jr. Troopa’s face.)
Jr. Troopa: AHHHHHH!!!!
Red: Well that’s all today, folks!
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