Joshua: Oh lame. The Ember does the Interview.
Scorch: Yay!
Shadow Queen: When do I get to do mine?
Joshua: I’m working on it!
John: The same way you’re working on Plitémon?
Joshua kicks John in the face.
John: Ow.
Joshua: Seriously, I’ll get around to that.
Scorch: Does it have to be Kamek, though?
Joshua: Bowser’s in too many games for me to include him.
Scorch: Fine… TO THE CARDBOARD STUDIO!!!
Insert cheesy Batman scene transition music here.
Scorch: Man, I hate Batman. Anyway, here we are on Joshua’s Super Interview Show!
Inferno plays his trumpet.
Scorch: Here’s Kamek!
Kamek: Hi.
Kamek’s only fan: YAY! WHOO KAMEK!!!
Kamek’s only fan implodes.
Kamek: … Greaaaaaaaaaaat.
Scorch: Ok, first question, are you still Head Magikoopa?
Kamek: Yep.
Scorch: Then why haven’t you been in games recently?
Kamek: I was in Partners in Time!
Scorch: No one cared about that.
Kamek: … I’ve taken to creating battle plans from behind the scenes. Kammy commands the front lines.
Scorch: Speaking of her, how are you two related?
Kamek: She’s my daughter. Read the Author’s FF, “Kamek’s Music Box”, for information.
Author’s Note: SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISEMENT ROCKS!!!
Scorch: Then, when were you hired?
Kamek: At age 18. Morton Senior was still king. Became head at 19. Youngest Magikoopa ever to do so. OH YEAH!
Scorch: And what age are you now?
Kamek: 64.
Scorch: And Kammy?
Kamek: 40. Her hair is naturally white, and she’s aged prematurely because of all the stress she’s been put under as Vice-Head Magikoopa.
Scorch: What relation are you to Kamella?
Kamek shudders.
Kamek: She’s my sister-in-law. Weird how her sister was so hot, and she’s so… not.
Scorch: I feel your pain.
...
Joshua is driving his Batmobile. I bet you thought I forgot that! He crashes into Bowser’s castle. Guards surround him.
Joshua: Oooooh snap.
Captain Fluffy (one of the Koopatrols I mentioned a few Interviews back): Punish him!
Joshua: Ok… This is bad.
Joshua gets owned and taken to the dungeon.
Joshua: … They leave the keys in the door.
Joshua lets himself out, then pulls out his wand and switches it to the Beam Sword, which adjusts to its new SSBB form.
Joshua: Sweet… REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENGE!!!
...
Scorch: What magic attacks do you have?
Kamek: I can do any spell, but, as seen in Yoshi’s Island and Yoshi’s Island DS, my specialty is making things grow.
Scorch: Speaking of Yoshi’s Island, what’s with those Toadie minions you had in it?
Kamek: Toads I transformed. I made them serve me by saying I’d turn them back.
Scorch: Did you?
Kamek: *snort* NO!!!
Scorch: Then why haven’t we seen them since?
Kamek immediately stops laughing.
Kamek: … One of them stole my wand and used it to change all the Toadies back into Toads.
Scorch: Ha ha.
Kamek: …
Scorch: So, why weren’t you in Yoshi’s Story?
Kamek: King Morton was punishing me by placing me in the dungeon for letting Bowser get hurt. I escaped using magic, and King Morton was so impressed, he forgot I still had another 20 years jail time. However, I escaped after Yoshi’s Story finished.
Scorch: Why didn’t you escape sooner?
Kamek: I was waiting for the guard to fall asleep. He drank a loooooooooooot of coffee…
Scorch: Dimentio, you’re up.
Dimentio fires off some sparks.
Scorch: Seat 27!
Kamella: I’M BETTER THAN YOU!
Kamek: Yes, that’s why I’m Head Magikoopa and you’re not.
Kamella: … Why is your robe different from other Magikoopas’?
Kamek: Because I feel like it, gosh!
Sparks.
Dimentio: The author is lazy, and I shall kill him like a lunatic in a public place with a gun!
Author: Yeah, you just try it.
Dimentio: …
Scorch: Seat 86!
Koopa: Why didn’t you ever fight Yoshi yourself?
Kamek: I didn’t feel like it.
Koopa: …
Sparks.
Scorch: Seat 43!
Goomba: How did you fit inside the orbs in the Mario Parties?
Kamek: A simple shrinking spell, duh.
Scorch: He’s a Goomba.
Kamek: Oh yeah…
Kamek then looks at the Goomba funny. It instantly dies.
Scorch: How’d you do that?
Kamek: He’s a Goomba. Weak-minded. I can also do it to most minor enemies, and it’s my favorite power.
Scorch: Oh. End Transmission!
Meanwhile...
In The End by Linkin Park is playing while Joshua kills every guard in sight with his Beam Sword. He makes his way to Lemmy’s room.
Joshua: All right! Now, there should be a portal somewhere in here…
He accidentally pushes a big, shiny, red button, which causes a portal to appear in the middle of the room.
Joshua: Well, that might be it…
Via plothole, he causes the entire crew to materialise next to him. When it closes, it cuts Amazee’s head off.
Joshua: This is it. Our long travels will finally be over once we go through this hole. CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!
Everyone jumps in… and ends up on Thwomp Mountain.
Everyone: D’OH!!!
The mountain erupts.
Joshua: … Amazee! Save us!
Amazee looks at Joshua funny.
Joshua: You can do it, slave, I believe in you! Now stop the lava!
Amazee: Amazing!
Joshua throws Amazee at the lava. He is instantly burned to a crisp.
Joshua: Ah, Underwhere with this.
He teleports everyone to Lemmy’s Land.
Shady: … YOU COULD’VE DONE THAT THE WHOLE TIME?!
Joshua: I didn’t feel like it.
Everyone: …
Joshua: Now, to the old studio…
Once in the studio, everyone sees that it’s covered in dust and cobwebs.
Shadow Queen: This place is… a total dump.
Everyone except Joshua nods. He just stands there with dewy eyes, looking at a machine.
Joshua: Can it be? It is! The… SUPER NUMBER RANDOMIZER!!! I haven’t seen this thing in so long!
He hugs it, not caring that spiders crawl all over him.
SQ: Ok… I’m not giving you a goodnight kiss ‘til you have a shower.
Joshua: Shouldn’t you be used to spiders?
SQ: I was in a coffin for 1,000 years. So sue me.
Joshua: Nah. Too lazy.
SQ: …
Joshua: We’re finally back… Ah, I’ve missed this place…
END TRANSMISSION
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