(SHRUGGER interviews SQUIG, by Shrugger Shroob.)
Shrugger: UH, SUMMARY OF LAST TIME?
Y-Naut: You fired the narrator, remember?
Shrugger: OH YEAH. WELL, LET’S HIRE A NEW ONE!
...
Y-Naut: Someone needs to tell the readers what happened.
Shrugger: FINE, FINE! ALL OF THE AUDIENCE STRETCHED THEIR ARMS TO THE CENTER OF PLIT, EXCEPT FOR MORTON AND FAWFUL, WHO STARTED DANCING AND CHANTING “PICK ME, PICK ME!”
Y-Naut: Hmm… No one wants to be the narrator?
Shrugger: MORTON AND FAWFUL START DANCING EVEN HARDER.
Y-Naut: No one? Well, I guess that we’ll rehire the old one, Musical Guy.
Shrugger: ON THE OTHER SIDE OF PLIT, ON ISLE DELFINO, MUSICAL GUY SAYS “YES! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!” HE THEN JUMPS DOWN A PLOTHOLE, AND APPEARS IN THE NARRATOR’S BOOTH. YAY! I CAN FINALLY STOP BEING THE NARRATOR!
(Fawful and Morton stop dancing.)
Fawful and Morton: Aww...
Y-Naut: Tell everyone what happened last time.
Last time on...
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!
Shrugger: THWOMP 2106, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
(squish)
... The Shrugger’s Interview Show, you got introduced to the current crew! Shrugger (host), Y-Naut (co-host), Mrs. I (camerawoman), and myself, Musical Guy (narrator)! Dum De DUM!
Random Audience Member: Who’s Mrs. I?
Y-Naut: Camera I in this flashback.
FLASHBACK...
Y-Naut: Who’s the narrator again? We need to fire him.
Camera I: Musical Guy, remember?
(END FLASHBACK!)
RAM: Oh.
Shrugger: BRING IN THE WHEEL OF INTERVIEWEES, PLATFORM THWOMPS!
Platform Thwomps: YES, SIR!
(The Yellow Thwomps from last time bring in the WOL again.)
Shrugger: Y-N, SPIN THE WHEEL!
It lands on... Squig!
Y-Naut: Where’s the Squig?
(Suddenly, a purple, pig-like thing with a yellow nose FALLS FROM THE SKY! Dun dun de Dun!)
PPLTWAYN: Ouch…
Shrugger: IT’S CALLED A SQUIG, AUTHOR!
Y-Naut: Aren’t you the author?
Shrugger: UHH… QUESTION 1! WHAT ARE YOUR STATS?
Squig: What are you talking about?
Y-Naut: You’re getting interviewed.
Squig: YAY! …What was the question again?
Shrugger: THE QUESTION IS WHAT ARE YOUR STATS!
Squig: Oh. 4 HP, 1 ATK, and 0 DEF.
Y-Naut: What games did you appear in?
Squig: Super Paper Mario. That’s it.
Me, Myself, and I: How many types of you are there?
Squig: 5.
Mrs. I: Please describe your types.
Squig: Do I have to?
Shrugger: YES.
Squig: *sigh* Very well. There is Squiglet, who is pink with a white nose. Stats are 2 HP, 1 ATK, and 0 DEF. They also can’t shoot stuff like the rest of us. You’ve heard about Squig. There’s Squog, who is green with a pink nose. Stats are 10 HP, 2 ATK, and 0 DEF. There’s Squoinker, with 15 HP, 4 ATK, and 0 DEF. The one that makes the least sense, in my opinion, is dark SquigLET, which can, even though it’s a SquigLET, spit pellets. Stats are 20 HP, 4 ATK, and 0 DEF.
(Which Squig were you?)
Squig: Who was that question from?
Y-Naut: Musical Guy. Since he’s the narrator, he doesn’t need his name with a colon at the beginning of each line of his.
Squig: Oh. To answer his question, I was the Squig with the key on Floor 3 of the Flipside Pit of 100 Trials.
Shrugger: SO WE CAN STOP CALLING YOU SQUIG, WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Squig: Pit, after the Pit of 100 Trials.
(AUDIENCE QUESTIONS! Seat ANNOYING!)
Mario: Just what I needed!
Shrugger: THWOMP!
(squish)
Y-Naut: Seat LORDOFCOWARDS!
Waluigi: I’m afraid of seat LORDOFCOWARDS!
Shrugger: THWOMP!
(squish)
Mrs. I: Seat DONTGETTHEHATINTHESEATNEXTTOYOU!
Morton: What is this red, magenta, opposite of green hat next to me?
(Morton puts on the hat and… Oh my DAD…)
Marton: WEDDING CHEESE, SOLID FORM OF DAIRY, CAKE! It’s-a me, Marton, Mario and Morton-a fused together!
Shrugger: THWOMP x 1,000,000!
(super squish)
(Real questions, please! Seat IDIEDINLASTEPISODEBUTIDONTCARE!)
Hyper Goomba: SUGAR!
Shrugger: UGH… THWOMP!
(squish)
Y-Naut: Seat HYPNOTIZEDLUIGI!
Mr. L: Do you work for Count Bleck?
Pit: No. We’re kinda like non-sunglassed Koopas, defending ourselves, but not working for evil.
Mrs. I: Seat CAMEOWAYBACKTHERE!
Yellow: Even when I’m not in Dark Koopa’s Interviews, I sit in the back seat. *sigh* Who’s your favorite Mario villain?
Pit: Sir Grodus. He’s different, like me.
(Seat ILOVELITTLEOINKS!)
That Guy In Toad Town Who Tells You About Little Oinks In Paper Mario: Are you related to Little Oinks?
Pit: Finally someone pops that question. Well, it’s a long story, that concerns our creation…
Shrugger: JUST GET ON WITH IT!
Pit: When Mario cleared all of the levels in Super Mario World, he was sent to another dimension, along with everybody else who went through the Star Road at the end of Special World. Before that time, however, a duo of thieves known as Popple and Bandy Andy managed to get hold of a few Little Oinks. Their plan was to secretly raise them on the Donut Plains of Dinosaur Land. To get there without paying, they decided to go through the Star Road in the Mushroom Kingdom. But once they got to Star World, a blue Yoshi appeared…
FLASHBACK...
Blue Yoshi: I warn you, set those Little Oinks free.
Popple: Or what, Bluie?
Blue Yoshi: *sigh* I guess I have no choice… Giant Neon Egg!
(The blue Yoshi throws the egg, and insert super explosion special effects here)
Pile Of Ashes Formerly Known As Bandy Andy: Ouch.
END FLASHBACK...
Pit: And then he led the Little Oinks to the Star Road at the end of Special World that just appeared. Since the Little Oinks were basically enemies, they transformed into the first Squiglets. When they started wandering around Dragon Land, the parallel universe version of Dinosaur Land, they eventually stumbled into a Return Pipe. The rest is history.
Y-Naut: … Wow. Long response.
TGITTWTYALO: So you’re related to Little Oinks? I LOVE YOU!
Shrugger: I’M NOT GOING TO SAY IT.
(squish)
Y-Naut: Seat NOTANOTHER!
Al Gore: I invented seats!
Shrugger: I HATE MY LIFE.
(squish)
Y-Naut: Wait a second! How’d every single species of Squig except for Squiglet come to be?
Pit: Evolution, Pokémon style! (Thank you, Joshua, for helping me get the é!)
(FLASHBACK!)
Text Message At The Bottom Of The Screen When Your Pokémon Evolve: What? Pit is evolving!
(insert Pokémon evolution special effects here)
TMATBOTSWYPE: Congratulations! Your Pit has evolved into Squig!
(END FLASHBACK!)
Pit: Dark Squiglets are shadow copies of Squoinker created by the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials. Why they’re called Dark SquigLETS, I have no idea.
(Go Shady Parakoopa! No, I’m not Musical Guy.)
(What was that?)
(Uh… I’m not here?)
(That’ll do… for now. Go P.T. Piranha!)
(Ha! You’re just as guilty of advertising other peoples submissions as I am!)
(So?)
Pit: What was that?
Shrugger: NO IDEA, BUT FINAL QUESTION! SEAT ANOTHERRANDOMCAMEO!
Yux: RANDOMIZE!
(Yux starts to glow, then stops.)
Yux: The good news is…
Pit: AGGH! I… shall… join… your… crew… NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Yeah! Now I’m only second-to-last in command!)
Shrugger: SPEAKING OF THAT, YOU’RE FIIRED FOR CONFUSING OUR AUDIENCE.
Musical Guy: Aww…
Fawful: Join the club.
Yux: The bad news is…
...
Y-Naut: No… narrator…
Shrugger: UGGH… A… HORDE… OF… MEGA… MUTHS… DESTROYED… THE… STUDIO…
Pit: Let’s… end… this… End… Transmission…
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