Hidden Voice: Yep, my name’s still changing.
Cloaked Figure: Why are you still here?
Hidden Voice: I’m a future plot. (I shall have my revenge.)
Cloaked Figure: Go away.
Hidden Voice: No, I don’t feel like it. (You’ll pay!)
Cloaked Figure: Then be useful and tell me why Doopliss is cleaning the place and Ludwig is nowhere to be seen.
Hidden Voice: They got hit by arrows. (OF DOOM!)
Cloaked Figure: Great… Now I have to do the Interview I was going to make them do. Stupid boss still crying like a little newborn baby over Brawl being postponed…
(At the graveyard, King Doopliss, Lemmy, and the Snow Spike are eating ice cream.)
King Doopliss: I had no idea they sold ice cream in graveyards.
Lemmy: Of course ice cream is sold here. Why else would people stay here all the time?
King Doopliss: Because they’re dead?
Lemmy: Wrong! No one dies in video games. They only lose a life and go back to “start”.
Snow Spike: It’s true.
King Doopliss: Quiet, you. I didn’t say you could talk.
Snow Spike: I still hate you.
King Doopliss: Overused line.
Back at the studio...
Cloaked Figure: Well, might as well get started.
2 hours of kidnapping audience members later...
Cloaked Figure: Hello, and welcome to a special Christmas Special Interview!
Peach: Shouldn’t you say “Holiday Special" instead of Christmas, as to not offend anyone?
Cloaked Figure: Well too bad! I only celebrate Christmas. The other ones don’t make any sense.
(Disclaimer: King Doopliss’ Creator doesn’t mean that.)
Cloaked Figure: You cheap sell out!
(Disclaimer: Shut up!)
Cloaked Figure: Ah, touché.
Peach: Didn’t that get stolen from-
Cloaked Figure: I told you to shut up!
(Cloaked Figure bites Peach’s head off.)
Lemmy: Are you crazy?
(Cloaked Figure stares at Lemmy.)
Lemmy: Oh yeah… You work for King Doopliss.
Cloaked Figure: How’d you get here anyway?
Lemmy: I didn’t.
(He disappears.)
Cloaked Figure: That’s what I though. Today I interview one of the most boring characters ever, Thwomp!
(Thwomp falls from above and lands on the remains of Peach.)
Thwomp: I heard that.
Cloaked Figure: Good, now I don’t have to remind you of what we are doing here.
Thwomp: I’m not dumb! I’m not boring!
Cloaked Figure: Whatever you say. Let’s begin before the author gets bored… again. First question, what are Thwomps?
Thwomp: Thwomps are cube-shaped, animate slabs of stone with a face but no arms or legs.
Cloaked Figure: You looked those words all up in a dictionary, didn’t you?
Thwomp: We have known each other for only a short time and yet I hate you so much.
Cloaked Figure: Too many people say that word. Question two, how are Thwomps alive?
Thwomp: Long ago Magikoopas were working on a top secret project. It was called “Stone Soldier”. Their goal was to make some powerful soldiers for Dark Land made out of stone. They worked long and hard, and after many months they were able to create Thwomps and Whomps.
Cloaked Figure: That’s one of the worst stories I’ve ever heard! Don’t quit your day job to become a storyteller.
Thwomp: You, sir, are a big jerk, and I wish pain and misery upon you for all eternity.
Cloaked Figure: Where are you hiding that dictionary?
Thwomp: There is no dictionary, you fool!
Cloaked Figure: Boring! But since there is nothing on TV I’ll keep asking you questions. How come some Thwomps have spikes while others don’t?
Thwomp: Well Thwomps are able to retract our spikes at will, but it takes a while to make them come back out. So most Thwomps don’t retract them, because it’s a pain to wait for them to come back.
Cloaked Figure: About how long does it take for them to come back out?
Thwomp: Well I’ve never done it, but I’ve heard it can be anywhere between an hour and a week.
Cloaked Figure: Last question before audience questions, how do you guys move?
Thwomp: Well you see, Thwomps are quite good jumpers-
Mario: Lies!
Bowser: Flies!
Lemmy: Pies! And I was never here!
(He disappears.)
Thwomp: I despise you all!
Cloaked Figure: Continue!
Thwomp: So we move by jumping.
Cloaked Figure: Okay, seat 112, ask your question.
Luigi: How do you guys stay floating?
Thwomp: Well for most of us we don’t float. We use our spikes to cling to ceilings. But some Magikoopas enchanted some of our kind to be able to float freely.
Cloaked Figure: Okay, last question, seat 81.
Wario: Who do you think is a more formidable foe, Whomps, or Thwomps?
Thwomp: I would say Thwomps because we are almost invincible.
Cloaked Figure: Well that’s all the time we have for today. NOW GET OUT OF HERE! Seriously, I’m sick of looking at all of you!
Thwomp: Gladly!
(Later after the Interview, King Doopliss, Lemmy, and the Snow Spike all have returned to the Interview studio.)
King Doopliss: Hey… OH MY DAD!
Cloaked Figure: What?!
King Doopliss: You didn’t put up decorations like I told you to!
Cloaked Figure: Well I couldn’t find Doopliss or Ludwig, and it’s not like I was going to do it.
King Doopliss: Well then! I’ll have to punish them later. Let’s have ice cream!
Everyone their: YAYZ!
(5 minutes later, they all have ice cream.)
King Doopliss: All of us here at King Doopliss’ Interviews…
Cloaked Figure: Would like to say…
Lemmy: Have a Merry early/on time/late Christmas!
Hidden Voice: And if you don’t celebrate Christmas…
Mysterious Figure: You’ll get mauled by killer hippies.
Snow Spike: Disclaimer: King Doopliss’ Creator again doesn’t mean it.
King Doopliss: Who said you could talk?! Get him!
(And they beat up Snow Spike until the New Year.)
(Disclaimer: If this interview made you mad, go to the nearest street corner and ask the first person that goes by “Do I have something in my teeth?”. Oh, and by reading any part of this Interview, even just the title, you’ve given up any right to sue me. But you can still sue Ludwig. Even though he wasn’t in this Interview…)
Lemmy: Will you stop with the disclaimers?
King Doopliss’ Creator: Oh, all right… NOW GET OUT OF HERE FOR REAL!
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