(Joshua returns with Peach, holding her hand.)
Katie: … And where have you been, young man? You were gone all last Interview!
Joshua: Yeah, yeah.
(He opens a plothole, and everyone goes inside, coming out in Dark Land.)
Joshua: Oh, by the way, say hello to my little friend!
(He pulls out the Noisy Cricket and shoots Amazee with it.)
Joshua: Whoops, wrong line. I mean, say hello to my new girlfriend.
Katie: Peach?
Joshua: No! What’s the matter with you? It’s… the Shadow Queen! Can’t you tell?
(The Shadow Queen is possessing Peach again.)
Katie: … You really are desperate, aren’t you?
Joshua: Extraordinarily, but that’s neither here not there.
Katie: …
(Joshua wraps his arm around the Shadow Queen’s waist.)
Joshua: Lunch?
SQ: … Sure, sweetie.
(Katie gags.)
Katie: SWEETIE?!
Joshua: Approve of my new G.F. and you can do today’s Interview.
Katie: Deal.
Joshua: I thought so.
Inferno: (singing) It must be love, love, love…
Joshua: And cut to the cardboard studio!
(What he said…)
(Katie appears in the studio they’ve been using since they started travelling. It’s made of cardboard.)
Katie: … Why did I say yes to this…? Oh right, Joshua’s Super Interview Show, blah-blah-blah, I Interview Magikoopa.
Magikoopa: MAGIC!
Dimentio: I like this guy!
Scorch: *GASP* I’M ACTUALLY NOT DEAD!
Katie: You’re an Ember. You’re a ghost.
Scorch: So?
Katie: … I hate my life.
Amazee: I think it’s amazing!
(Katie karate chops his head off.)
Katie: Ok, so, Magikoopa, do you all work for Bowser?
Magikoopa: Yep. We all enter into service for the king when we finish training at age 18.
Katie: And the Magikoopas in Castle Bleck…?
Magikoopa: They were hypnotized by Nastasia.
Katie: Ok. Is that robe compulsory?
Magikoopa: Yes. It boosts our magical power a little bit. It’s made from grass grown near the Dark Land Magic Fountain.
Katie: There’s such a place?
Magikoopa: Yep. The pebbles in it are the gems for our wands.
Katie: Brilliant. I heard you were supposed to be in one of the Mario Kart games. Why did you get taken out?
Magikoopa: BECAUSE THOSE ******** AT NINTENDO DECIDED WE’RE NOT POPULAR ENOUGH!!!
Katie: Language.
Dimentio: Temper, temper, magic man.
Magikoopa: … MAGIC!!!
Dimentio: MAGIC!!!
Both: MAGIC!!!
(Katie beats them with Joshua’s Home-Run Bat.)
Inferno: Uh, bossman’s sister? When’d you get that?
Katie: I sto- I mean borr- I mean swi- No, I do mean borrowed. Why were some of you in Rogueport Sewers in Paper Mario 2?
Magikoopa: Bowser told us to patrol the sewers, look for Crystal Stars, and assault random townsfolk, and Mario, to see if they knew anything about them.
Meanwhile...
(Joshua and SQ are strolling past a lake filled with toxic waste and totally polluted.)
Joshua: Beautiful, isn’t it?
SQ: Darling, it couldn’t be more picturesque.
Joshua: (Score! She just called me “Darling”! First base!)
SQ: (Actually, it’s more of some place before the batter’s box. Also, I can read your mind.)
Joshua: (… Dang…) Man, this is awesome.
SQ: Yes… For reasons which shall be explained in quite a number of Interviews' time, my last relationship didn’t exactly end well…
Joshua: Likewise, except for the “For reasons which shall be explained in quite a number of Interviews' time” part.
(SQ kisses his cheek gently.)
Joshua: Now THAT’S first base!
(SQ giggles uncharacteristically. DAD that’s a long word…)
Joshua: Peach beginning to fight back?
SQ: … I don’t know…
Back at the cardboard studio...
Katie: What is a Magiblot?
Magikoopa: Shadowed clones of us. They form when a Magikoopa has a powerfully evil experience, such as killing for the first time. This happens a lot, as Bowser often uses us as assassins.
Katie: Why were there lots of Magiblots in Castle Bleck?
Magikoopa: You think Mario’s group was the first to try to stop Bleck?
Katie: … But what about in the Pit of 100 Trials?
Magikoopa: Everything in the Pit is a physical illusion. Powerful magic. The enemies inside it are real, but at the same time not real. Bonetail, Wracktail and Shadoo are the exceptions to the rule.
Katie: Well, that was interesting…
Dimentio: Really?
Katie: No.
Dimentio: … MAGIC!!!
Magikoopa: MAGIC!!!
Both: MAGIC!!!
Katie: Yes… Audience time! Dimentio?
(Dimentio shoots magical sparks in the air, thus creating a number.)
Katie: Seat 36!
Dry Bones: Do you all wear those lame glasses?
(Magikoopa shoots heat beams through his glasses at the Dry Bones, which instantly turns to dust.)
Magikoopa: Does that answer your question?
Dry Bones: Yeah, I’m good. Oh wait… AAAH! MY BONES!!! MY BONES!!!
Inferno: There’s something to be said about being optimistic. If an optimist had his left arm bitten off by an alligator, he’d probably say “Oh well. I may not have my left arm anymore, but at least no-one will ask me whether I’m right- or left-handed!” Whereas most of us would probably say, “Ah! My arm! My arm!”
Author’s note: Viva Lemony Snicket!
Katie: Last question. Hit it, D!
Dimentio: MAGIC!!!
(Sparks.)
Katie: Seat 54!
Birdo: Why are some Magikoopas’ robes colored differently?
Magikoopa: To signify that they’re especially good at casting certain spells. White Magikoopas are best at healing, Green are best at electrifying, Rand ed can raise attack. Normal Magikoopas can do all these things, but not as well as the specialtist Magikoopas can. Understand?
Birdo: No.
(Magikoopa kills Birdo.)
Joshua: We’re back!
Katie: How was lunch?
Joshua: Yummy! Who knew roast Swoopula was so good?
(Katie throws up.)
SQ: It’s a specialty of mine.
Katie: …
Dimentio: End transmission! Ciao!
(END TRANSMISSION)
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