Dark Koopa: Yes, but not by me. I’ve only used it once. Now where’s my vote?
Lemmy: I don’t know why you try. You’re interviewing this guy, or no vote.
Dark Koopa: Lame. I’m not even sure why I have a sudden desire for votes anyway. I’d much rather get currency that’s of use outside of Lemmy’s Land.
Lemmy: Yeah, that’s never gonna happen.
Dark Koopa: Why must you be such a cruel and unusual leader?
Lemmy: Pfft, I’m not unusual.
Dark Koopa: Oh sorry, I wasn’t aware Koopas with rainbow hair that walk on a ball were an everyday thing.
Lemmy: … Just interview the Mario Golf character nobody’s heard of.
Dark Koopa: I refuse. I still need to think of retaliation for other authors that harmed me in their submissions. My own author does that enough!
(Dark Koopa is hit with a stage light.)
Dark Koopa: Ow! See?!
Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!
Dark Koopa: Right, where was I?
Sonny: I think you’re interviewing me.
Dark Koopa: Um, who are you?
Sonny: Oh come on. Everyone knows me!
(Crickets chirp, but then the crickets realize everyone’s silent and become silent too.)
Thumbs: I see you still haven’t banned those crickets.
Dark Koopa: So really, who are you?
Sonny: I’m a golfer!
Dark Koopa: That doesn’t really help.
Sonny: From Mario Golf? That unusual Koopa already said so.
Lemmy: I’m not unusual!
Sonny: Oh sorry, I wasn’t aware Koopas with rainbow hair that walk on a ball were-
Lemmy: Shut up!
Dark Koopa: Okay, so you’re in Mario Golf. Were you in its sequel?
Sonny: Nope.
Dark Koopa: Why not?
Sonny: There were already too many golfers hanging out with the Mario Gang because people like Koopa Troopa, Birdo, and Boo joined them, and they’d rather have people they know well. Pfft.
Dark Koopa: Those three are usually villains. They play golf with their enemies?
Sonny: Have you been paying attention to Mario spinoff games?
Dark Koopa: No. I hate them.
Sonny: Mario and his friends have a tendency to play golf, tennis, race, and all kinds of other things with Bowser and some of his minions once in a while.
Dark Koopa: And Bowser doesn’t just attack them, why?
Sonny: He likes doing those things himself and wouldn’t want to waste the opportunity, I guess.
Sonny: I’ve won a few golf tournaments, so yes, but it’s all in the bank.
Wario: What’s your pin?
Sonny: It’s the price of a soda at the Toad Highland’s golf course, but I’m not telling you what that is!
Dark Koopa: Seat 45.
Waluigi: I’m thinking about buying a soda at Toad Highlands. How much would one cost?
Sonny: 150, same as my pin number.
(The entire audience runs out of the studio, except for Toad, who’s still under the stage light.)
Toad: Ow.
Dark Koopa: As if my ratings couldn’t get any worse. I guess I have to do my job longer. Lame. So, do you do anything besides play golf?
Sonny: I like to go fishing sometimes, which is another use for the hat. I also watch NASCAR.
Dark Koopa: What is NASCAR?
Sonny: Cars racing. It’s a Real World thing.
Dark Koopa: Oh, so you’re from the Real World, eh?
Sonny: Yep. Practically all humans are.
Dark Koopa: How’d you get here?
Sonny: Before the time of Mario Golf, in order to get more golfers, Luigi went back to the Real World to try to recruit some golfers and bring them to the Mushroom Kingdom. After being sent to three mental institutions he finally found me, Harry, Plum, and all them.
Dark Koopa: And he showed you how to come here, I’m guessing.
Sonny: No, he kidnapped us, and wouldn’t show us how to get back until we played golf with him.
Dark Koopa: Right, that’s a just a bit unusual.
Lemmy: Am not!
Dark Koopa: Not talking to you.
Sonny: I wanted to stay after a while, actually. I mean, clouds with eyes? This place is simply magical.
Dark Koopa: Right. I bet you think books are magical too.
Sonny: They are.
Dark Koopa: Ugh. If you wanted to stay, why’d you go back to the Real World?
Sonny: It’s pretty hard to make a profit here.
Dark Koopa: Tell me about it. Hi Lemmy.
Lemmy: Hi.
Sonny: The Koopas didn’t like me because they thought I was gonna help the Marios or something, and the Mushroomers didn’t like me because they thought I was a Mario wannabe.
Dark Koopa: There are people who actually want to be an overweight plumber that’s done just about everything except plumbing?
Sonny: He’s done some plumbing.
Dark Koopa: Pfft, like twice ever. Um, if you went back to the Real World, how’d you get in this studio?
Sonny: You kidnapped me. Remember?
Dark Koopa: Oh, right. I need to stop acting out of impuls- COOKIE!
(Dark Koopa fights Count Blacula over another cookie.)
Thumbs: So… Toad, wanna ask a question?
Toad: No. I want medical attention.
Thumbs: Why? You’ll be completely healthy again when the Interview is over.
Toad: True… Uh, hm, Sonny, do you like Yoshis?
Sonny: Not at all. They seem like very unintelligent creatures.
…
(Everyone stares at Pura.)
Pura: What? I told you I’m not offended by that.
(Everyone continues staring.)
Pura: *sigh* Fine.
(Pura begins pummeling Sonny. Everyone cheers.)
Thumbs: Well, all we need now is an ending.
Did you like this submission?
Thumbs: That’s just oozing with creativity. And I bet the feedback form is gonna say that too?
Lemmy: Yep.
Thumbs: Worst ending ever.
I'm not saying it.
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