Ladies and swordfish, welcome to the premiere of Jonathan Hosey's new show, Celebrity Answers with Jonathan Hosey.
The audience applauds as Jonathan steps on the stage.
Jonathan: That announcer must be losing it, I don't see any swordfish in here. Anyway, welcome to my first live show. Please excuse the lions in the lobby, that's for the next show. Today I will be interviewing Neville and Lydia. If I remember corectly Neville, and Lydia are the parents of Chauncey, Henry, and Orville.
(The crowd goes silent as a swirling vortex spits out two blue blobs.)
Jonathan: Please welcome Neville and Lydia.
Mario: You mean you're not interviewing Brittany Spears?
Jonathan: Please no interruptions. Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, Maid, get me some coffee.
Lydia: Let's speed it up, my makeup's wearing off- I mean, I'm getting sleepy.
Jonathan: Okay, so Neville, out of everyone in the house, who do you like the least?
Neville: To be honest, I like Mr. Luggs the least.
Jonathan: And why is that?
Neville: He makes me have to go to the grocery store five miles away every 45 minutes.
Jonathan: I can see why you don't like him. But what about King Boo?
Lydia: King Boo makes me sick! Every time I go to my room I find ashes all over the floor with graffiti on the wall saying "Boo was here".
Jonathan: He really did that?
Neville: Yes, and he fed the baby dog food.
Jonathan: So why do you live there?
Lydia: Well it's nice, quiet, and no one ever goes there.
Jonathan: So how do you two get along with the Floating Whirlindas?
Lydia: Neville and Orville are fueding against the male Whirlinda, David, because he wouldn't let them play with Alice's diamond.
Jonathan: Who's Alice, and why couldn't they play with the diamond?
Lydia: Don't you remember? You wrote about David and Alice.
Jonathan: Oh yeah, she was the Whirlinda you helped dress.
Lydia: How did you know that?
Jonathan: You told me. I also noticed Alice has as much cosmetics on as you do.
Neville: Could we please hurry this up? I'm missing my appointment with Madame Clairvoya!
Lydia: I thought I told you not to see her again!
Jonathan: Enough, now the next one who talks is going to be Thanksgiving dinner. Now why couldn't those two touch the diamond?
Neville: King Boo gave it special powers and wasn't letting anyone see it.
Jonathan: So how are your children?
Lydia: They're fine, they're with their nana.
Jonathan: Why do you keep your childcare diaries out in the open?
Neville: We thought that people would need help understanding and learning about our children if something were to happen to us.
Jonathan: So how did you die?
Neville: Once-mild-mannered Slim Bankshot sent my dog to kill me for no reason, and my dog was successful.
Jonathan: That sounds terrible. What about you, Lydia?
Lydia: I tripped over a mouse on my way to complain to my butler. I had to break my own window to get in after I died.
Jonathan: Well that's all the time we have now. Join us again, when I'll be interviewing Mario and Peach.
Whoops! You're not logged in! |