Waluigi: Whahaha! Hey losers! Feeling like losers? No need to deny it, because I know you are! Since I'm such a great guy, I'll give you tips on how to benefit your life, and maybe you'll become a little more like Waluigi! Of course you never will though! Whahaha! Here are 20 tips on how you can benefit your life!
#1 - Wear Purple
Waluigi: Only real winners like myself wear purple! Wearing any type of clothing of purple will make you feel better about yourself and you'll be more confident before you know it! The ones that don't wear purple will look pretty silly when they're going to miss out on an all new purple trend!
#2 - Grow a Mustache
Waluigi: All the ladies love a good 'stache! Make sure you comb your mustache regularly, like I do! For those of you who can't grow mustaches, a fake mustache will have to do for now.
#3 - Have an Accomplice
Waluigi: Have an accomplice with you! It'll be someone you can relate to and someone who doesn't mind doing crazy schemes. I have my own, with Wario! Some may say that I'm more so Wario's partner in crime, but it's really the other way around!
#4 - Get a Rival
Waluigi: What you need next is a rival! Try to pick a rival you don't really care for, but make sure you're better than him at most things. You'll feel and will be a winner every time! I have Luigi as a rival, and it's hard for him to beat me when I'm better than everyone at most things! Whahaha!
#5 - Play a variety of sports
Waluigi: I play all kinds of sports, I play soccer, baseball, tennis, golf, you name it! Being good at all kinds of sports allows you to show off all your awesome trophies to your friends, and the ladies!
#6 - Play as me in every game I'm in
Waluigi: Play as me, and you'll always win! Teach all your friends who would probably pick losers like Mario or Yoshi, that Waluigi is the way to go!
#7 - Name your characters Waluigi
Waluigi: In videogames like Legend of Zelda or Animal Crossing, put your name as Waluigi! Feel the awesomeness of my name through your controller! Whahahaha! You feel better already, don't you?
#8 - Make yourself a Logo
Waluigi: I have myself a logo that I wear on my hat! Make yourself a logo and people will become more familiar with you, plus it'll make you look extra cool!
#9 - Don't shower
Waluigi: Showering is for losers! Waluigi doesn't need to shower, so you don't need to shower either! Let everyone know your presence in a room with your stench!
#10 - Speak in third person
Waluigi: Saying your own name in a sentence makes you believe in yourself more and lets everyone know what your name is! Waluigi is the best! Waluigi is number one!
#11 - Tell yourself you're Number One
Waluigi: Maybe if you tell yourself you're number one, you'll believe in it! Of course, I tell myself I'm number one to remind myself of how great I am! Whahaha!
#12 - Have your daily serving of Eggplant
Waluigi: Eggplant will make you feel strong! Eating 10 a day is a must, and make sure to have a serving of garlic in the morning!
#13 - Cheat to Win
Waluigi: Win under any circumstances! Everybody loves a winner, but you'll never be a better cheater than me, Waluigi! Remember, if you're not cheating, you're not trying!
#14 - Have Nintendo make a game for Waluigi
Waluigi: Everybody loves Waluigi! Nintendo needs to hear your voices, so tell them how much you want Waluigi in his own game! Everyone benefits from this!
#15 - Learn how to Dance
Waluigi: Waluigi is a fantastic dancer! If you need proof, play Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix! The only reason I lost to Mario in that dance-off is because it was in my contract with Nintendo! Hey, I didn't know I was signing up to be a villain in some stupid dance game! Waluigi gets all the ladies from the dancing though, whahahaha!
#16 - Have a Picture of Waluigi
Waluigi: Whenever you're feeling down, you can always look at a picture of me to make you feel better! I'm so inspiring, it scares me!
#17 - Decorate the house with Waluigi adornments
Waluigi: Buy anything that has Waluigi on it, and make the house a cleaner and better environment! Guests will be jealous, you'll be the envy of everyone!
#18 - Have your ringtone as my laugh
Waluigi: My laugh will ease your stress and make you feel like you can do anything! I was blessed with this great laugh, whahahaha!
#19 - Send me your money
Wauigi: Sending me your money will make you feel like you made a great investment, think of it as a way of saying thanks for these tips I'm giving you! You're welcome!
#20 - You can't be Waluigi
Waluigi: Remember, you'll never be as good as Waluigi! Keep trying to improve yourself with these tips and maybe you'll come close, but I doubt that! Whahahaha!
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