Narrator: Well! It’s that time of year again! Every couple in the Mushroom Kingdom and beyond are out spending their hard-earned money on their sweethearts. Kids everywhere are being dropped off at babysitters’ houses while their parents are out on that special dinner date. It’s Valentine’s Day! Let’s see what Peach and Mario are doing on this special day, shall we?
Interior--Peach’s castle. Princess Peach’s usually white castle is DRAPED in pink and red, from the top tower to the door. Inside, all the Toads are dressed as Cupid, complete with the diaper and arrow. Toad himself is absent, having paid another Toad to take his place while he takes Toadette out on the town for Valentine’s Day.
Peach (looking frazzled): Come on! Get a pink diaper on that Toad, will ya? And, get me my special Valentine’s Day dress! I paid thousands of coins just for that dress! You’d better not have lost it!
Random Toad: But, Your Highness! Mario is coming in half an hour!
Peach: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA! So many things to do! So little time!
Random Toad: Um, ok…
The Toad walks off for a minute, and comes back with a fancy dress, which Peach grabs and runs upstairs with like a maniac. Just then Mario enters the castle.
Mario: Peachy! I’m early! Are you a-ready?
Random Toad: Mario, bad time to be early…
Mario: It’s Cupid! Hiya, Cupid!
Peach comes down the stairs dressed in a dazzling, sparkly hot pink dress. Her hair has been done up in an elaborate bun.
Mario: Hi, Peach! Nice dress!
Peach: (blushing) Oh! This old thing? I just… threw it on!
Mario: Ok. Well, shall we go?
Peach: Of course! Did you make the reservations?
Mario: Um…. Reservations?
Peach: (eyes bulging) WHAT?! WE HAVE BEEN PLANNING THIS ROMANTIC, FANCY CRUISESHIP DINNER FOR ALMOST THREE MONTHS AND YOU DIDN’T MAKE THE RESERVATIONS?!
Mario: No. No, I did not. Why? Is it important?
Peach: (tears in her eyes) but…. But my entire Valentine’s Day I w-was planning on this…
Yoshi (coming up from behind Mario): Hi! Yoshi say happy Valentine’s Day! I got a surprise for you!
Peach: (sobbing) What now, Yoshi? I’m kind of busy feeling sorry for myself, so please make it quick.
Yoshi: These tickets to a fancy yacht ride in the Mushroom Ocean! All the greatest videogame couples are going! I found them in my mouth!
Mario: Peach! Look! We can go for a fancy yacht ride!
Peach: (smiling) The tickets! Oh, Yoshi, you’re the best!
Narrator: See? Look at them. Now, let’s go to our next sweet couple.
Interior--A dreary, black castle with no sign of even acknowledging Valentine’s Day.
Bowser (putting on a tux): Lemmy, Larry, how do I look? I haven’t worn a tux since Super Paper Mario. I hope it still fits.
Lemmy (bouncing excitedly on his ball, which is painted pink with a heart to celebrate Valentine’s Day): Great, Dad! Wonderful!
Larry: I dunno. It makes you look fat. Why are you even dressing up?
Wendy (coming into the room): Because, stupid! Today is Valentine’s Day! A day for love and harmony!
Wendy proceeds to punch her brother in his stomach after he is fried by his father for calling him fat.
Larry: (groaning) OW! What happened to love and harmony?
Wendy: I don’t really see the point in Valentine’s Day, anyway. It’s the most useless holiday if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend! It’s dumber than Morton, if you can believe me…
Lemmy: If it’s dumber than Morton, then it must be dumb!
Ludwig (walking in): Dad, Mom’s ready to go to the big yacht party!
Bowser: Good! I hope Mario and Peach are there. Maybe I can steal Peach and we’ll have another Mario game made…
Ludwig: Mom says no working on Valentine’s Day!
Bowser (rolling his eyes): Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye, kids! Have fun with the babysitter!
Wario (waddling in on his stubby legs and waving): WA WA WA!
Bowser: Wario, sell them on the black market again this time, ok?
Wario (rolling eyes): WA WA.
Bowser walks out of the room, leaving the kids looking fearfully at Wario.
Narrator: Now, let’s see our last couple, and how they celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Interior--Fancy yacht. Videogame couples from almost every game are everywhere.
Daisy (on the dance floor with Luigi): Oh, Luigi! You’re so swift on your feet!
Luigi: Why thank you, Daisy! You’re pretty good, too.
Daisy: Thank you. Oh! Look! It’s your brother and my sister! Hi, Peach!
Peach (running over): Daisy! I didn’t expect to see YOU here! I thought it was too fancy for them to let you in!
Daisy (frowning): Um, what?
Mario: Luigi!
Luigi: *nods stiffly at his brother* Mario.
Mario: Look! (pointing) It’s Samus! Hi, Samus!
Samus: Do I know you?
Mario: I love her! Such a kidder…
Luigi: And look! It’s Link and Zelda! Hi, guys!
Zelda: Um, hey, Mario Bros!
Link: (whispering) Come on, Zelda. We shouldn’t talk with the ‘cartoons’.
Mario: Ha ha! See you at the next brawl, buddy!
Luigi: (sniffing) They think they’re so good because they look more realistic than we do! Well, I saw them in the very first game and HA! They were a joke!
Peach: It’s the truth! Every princess poker night, Zelda acts so high and mighty because SHE looks realistic. I’m thinking of getting plastic surgery!
Daisy: Let it go, Peach! Let’s just dance and have fun!
Peach: Well… ok. Can I go swim in the chocolate fountain?
Daisy: Uh... Why? I don’t think it’s for swimming in.
Peach: Mario’s swimming in it!
Peach points at Mario, who is in his underwear swimming around in the chocolate fountain.
Daisy: Well, he’s a special case. Come on, let’s go dance.
And so, Valentine’s Day is good for some…
Bowser: Come on, Clawdia! Peach is so oblivious! Mario is distracted! I’ll just go over, grab Peach, and leave!
Clawdia: No! All you think about is work and that princess! You don’t love me!
Clawdia runs off crying.
Bowser: (shrugging) Well, all’s not well that ends not well.
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