???: I have gathered all you Goombas here today for a reason. We are constantly discriminated against and stomped on. We should have rights just like any other species.

Goomba 1: But we're just weak Goombas!

???: Think positively!

Goomba 1: I'm positive we're just weak Goombas.

???: But what happens when there's a bunch of us together?

Goomba 1: More Goombas die?

???: Think best case scenario.

Goomba 1: One Goomba lives only to die later of a stress-related heart failure?

??? stomps on Goomba 1.

???: My name is Doomba. I'm a Goomba, just like everyone else here. But I believe we're destined for great things.

Goomba 2: He just killed Goomba 1...

Doomba: It's just a Goomba. No big deal.

Goomba 2: You're being hypocritical.

Doomba: Shut up and let me talk.

Goomba 3: No one wants to hear you talk. We just want the free donuts we were promised.

Goomba 2: Yeah!

Doomba: You'll get your free donuts if you agree to what I'm about to say.

Goomba 2: What if we just stomp on you and then take them?

Doomba: Life's problems can't be solved simply by stomping on each other.

Goomba 3: Yeah, they can.

Doomba: Listen! This is my plan! We should all team together to form the United Goombas of America.

Goomba 2: We're not in America.

Doomba: But it's catchy.

Goomba 3: I don't see any donuts! We're getting ripped off!

Doomba: The donuts exist in a spiritual sense.

Goomba 2: What the?

Doomba: Eat the donut in your mind. Yummy donut. Now that we've all eaten our imaginary donuts, let's open our minds and listen to my words of wisdom.

Goomba 2: This is stupid. Let's go.

Doomba: I locked the doors and ate the keys.

Goomba 3 commits Goombacide.

Doomba: Once we've become the United Goombas of America we'll team together and storm the Mushroom Kingdom by force. Once we've taken it over we'll create laws that protect us from people such as Mario, and live peacefully until we die.

Goomba 2: Most of us live about a week.

Doomba: Then you'll live just long enough to takeover the Mushroom Kingdom. Isn't that great?

Everyone commits mass Goombacide,

Meanwhile, in the Mushroom Kingdom...

Mario: I gotta go on a diet. It's been months since I've been able to get out of bed. I must be nearly a thousand pounds. Being retired isn't all it's cut out to be. I eat just as many pizzas as before and with no exercise I don't burn off any fat!

Just then there's a knock on the door.

Mario: It's unlocked! Come in!

Mr. L: It's Mr. L. I'm thinking of joining this club but I don't know if I'm qualified.

Mario: Luigi, I need your help. I need you to push me out of bed and roll me out the door so I can get some exercise. I am seriously overweight and can't move except to eat more pizzas.

Mr. L: It's called the Stupidity Force, and it consists of incredibly stupid people. I've had plenty of stupid moments myself, but I just don't know if I'm stupid enough to join.

Mario: Luigi, I just fell through the floor.

Mr. L: You know, I'm gonna just give it shot, and if I'm too smart, I'm too smart. It never hurts to try. Thanks for your help!

Mario: Luigi!!!

Mr. L: Bye!

Mr. L leaves. There's another knock on the door.

Mario: Come in!

Petey: It's Petey Piranha.

Mario: Petey! Thank goodness you're here. I fell through the floor.

Petey: Seriously?

Mario: Yeah.

Petey: Should I call 911?

Mario: You're big and strong, can you pick me up?

Petey: ... *walks into the bedroom* WHOA!

Mario: ?

Petey: Be right back.

Mario: You're calling 911?

Petey: I'm getting my video camera. This is going on YouTube.

Mario: PETEY!!!

Petey: What?

Mario: Call... 911... NOW!!!

Petey: Fine.

Petey calls 911.

Petey: All right.

Mario: They're gonna be here soon?

Petey: With video cameras.

Mario: Humanity has gone downhill.

A few minutes later Mario is removed via crane an-

Mario: Wait, CRANE? What about my roof?

... It was temporarily removed.

Mario: You’d better be paying for this.

Mario is taken to the hospital where he's given some Pepto Bismal and sent home.

Mario: Thanks a lot!

Petey: Mario, we need you get you on an exercise plan.

Mario: All I can move is my arms.

Petey: Cliff bouncing!

Mario: ... Cliff bouncing?

Petey: You get dropped off a cliff and bounce back up!

Mario: For whatever reason I doubt I'd bounce. I think I'd splat.

Petey: Just give it a try!

Mario: Well, I'm the main character so I don't think I'll die; so might as well.

Mario drops off a cliff and confirms his "splat" theory. Thankfully he has some extra lives and is able to visit his own funeral a few days later.

Petey: *sniff* This is so sad, isn't it Mario?

Mario: Yes. Even though I'm on another life I'm still just as fat as before.

Petey: It feels weird attending your funeral with you beside me.

Mario: This is how Ronald McDonald must feel on a daily basis.

Petey: Where is Ronald anyway?

Mario: He created a group called the Stupidity Force. It's a club that's only for stupid people. Luigi wants to join it.

Petey: As long as he's not bugging us I don't care what he does.

Tucker: This is Tucker Toad, Channel 48 News. Doomba, a Goomba who has somehow managed to stay alive for over two years, is wanted for the murder of over a hundred Goombas. Eye witnesses say they saw Doomba and the other Goombas enter a building, and only Doomba came out. My guess is cannibalism. Having never tasted a Goomba myself I don't know if they taste yummy, but they sure do look yummy. I think I'm gonna go eat one right now.

Petey: Doomba... Wasn't he one of your friends from a couple years ago?

Mario: Yeah, he was in my party when I was trying to rescue Bowser. I accidentally burned him with a fireball though and he left.

Petey: Hmm... To think he's resorted to cannibalism.

Mario: That's just Tucker's opinion of the matter.

Petey: Yeah, but Tucker's always 100% accurate about whatever he's talking about. I'm his number one fan.

Mario: I can believe that considering you're his only fan.

Petey: He has more fans. They just don't want to admit they're his fans. I'm sure they all have Tucker Toad posters in their bedrooms like I do.

Mario: ... Anyway, any OTHER ideas for exercising?

Petey: Don't eat for a couple years.

Mario: I'll run out of lives if I do that!

Petey: Hmm... Well...

Doomba: Puts your hands in the air, I have a gun.

Petey: I don't have hands.

Doomba: Well-

Petey: Neither do you.

Doomba: So?

Petey: How are you holding a gun if you don't have any hands?

Doomba: The gun exists in a spiritual sense.

Petey: I see.

Doomba: Imagine me holding a gun. Now imagine me shooting you. That's what'll happen if you don't put your hands in the air.

Petey: Imagine me jumping on you. Imagine the "Plop!" noise as you flatten and disappear.

Doomba: Fine. You win. But I want to tell you two something. The United Goombas of America take no prisoners.

Petey: That's because they can't get any.

Doomba: It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you should be scared. Very scared. Very, VER-

Petey: BOO!

Doomba: AHHHHHHHH!!!

Mario: What are you here for?

Doomba: ... WHOA!

Petey: What?

Doomba: Mario! He's enormous!

Mario: Thanks for the compliment.

Doomba: If you want to know what I'm here for, then listen.

Petey: All right, I'll just start talking then.

Doomba: I need you two to join the United Goombas of America. I was hoping to scare you into joining, but if it's due to pity than that's fine too. See, the world is in danger.

Petey: How so?

Doomba: It's in danger of falling out of orbit because of a titanic object that is weighing down the planet due to its huge mass: Mario P. Mario.

Mario: Very funny.

Doomba: I couldn't resist. Anyway, the real danger is a group known as the Stupidity Force.

Mario: You mean the club Ronald started?

Doomba: It's more than a club. It's a super club. No, more than that, it's a super-duper club. A super-duper-dupe-

Petey: We get it! So what's so bad about it?

Doomba: Legends say that when a large amount of people who have an incredible amount of stupidity gather, purple rain clouds are created. The rain that falls from these clouds is known as Stupidity Rain. Anyone the rain falls upon becomes stupid. I decided to stop this group, alongside hundreds of other Goombas, in order to become a hero and show that Goombas are more than just something to stomp on.

Petey: So you go and murder all the Goombas.

Doomba: They committed Goombacide! I was helpless to stop them. Anyway, I know that you love to stomp on Goombas, but I also know how many times you've saved the world. So I need your help. And Petey's too, for no particular reason.

Petey: Thanks for including me.

Doomba: So... shall we be a team? The United Goombas of America?

Mario: 1., There's only one Goomba on the team, and 2., I'm too fat to move.

Petey: The world needs our help! WE WILL FIND A WAY!

Next Chapter: The adventure begins! Mario, Petey, and Doomba set out to stop the Stupidity Force. Will they succeed?