Wario: Waluigi, I found a job for us!

Waluigi: Oh... So nobody is really going to explain what kind of day it is or anything?

Wario: What are you talking about?

Waluigi: Well usually at the start of stories, it's nice for people to see what kind of day it is.

Wario: It's a nice day outside.

Waluigi: Maybe I'm reading something.

Wario: You're reading the newspaper.

Waluigi: Which section?

Wario punches Waluigi in the stomach

Waluigi: *cough* Okay then. So what about this job, Wario?

Wario: We get to be Mall Cops, and we get good pay!

Waluigi: It must be good pay, or else you wouldn't work for it.

Wario: Exactly.

Waluigi: I guess I'd be willing to do some work.

Later

Wario: We’re here!

Waluigi: Uh... No we’re not.

Wario: What are you talking about? We've made it to the mall!

Waluigi: You took a step outside, and said "We’re here!"

Wario: Oh... I guess that would explain why snow is falling and it's sort of chilly outside.

Waluigi: I thought you said it was a nice day?

Wario: It was a nice day, until you came out. Whahahahaha!

Waluigi: I'm sort of... offended.

Wario: Well deal with it, we've got to get going.

Later…

Wario: We’re here!

Waluigi: Yes... yes we are.

Wario and Waluigi go inside the mall

Waluigi: Wait a minute, why is there a shortage of Mall Cops all of a sudden?

Wario: Waluigi, if you're going to question everything, then get out of the story.

Waluigi: Sorry for asking questions.

Wario and Waluigi then find the manager for Mall Cops

Waluigi: Wait! How did we find this guy?

Wario: We just did.

Waluigi: This doesn't make any-

Wario: Waluigi, just go over there and sit until I sort out things with the manager.

Goomba Manager: So, you want to apply to be the Mall Cops here?

Wario: Yes, how did you know?

Goomba Manager: I overheard you.

Wario: You don't have any ears though.

Goomba Manager: Uh... Just take the jobs!

Wario: What do we do first?

Goomba Manager: First, put these uniforms on, and go upstairs and just... observe I guess.

Waluigi: Can I come over, now?

Wario: No!

Waluigi: Please?

Wario: Fine, here, put this uniform on.

Waluigi: This is too fat for me.

Wario: Well this one is to skinny for me.

Waluigi: We could just switch.

Wario: No... then people would think I'm fat.

Waluigi: Wario, just do it.

Wario: Fine then, Waluigi.

Wario and Waluigi get their uniforms on and go to the second floor to make sure everything is in order.

Toadsworth: Help, the princess is being kidnapped!

Waluigi: In the mall?

Toadsworth: Yes!

Wario: Ssssooo... that means we have to go and rescue her.

Toadsworth: Why, yes!

Wario: Let Mario do it.

Toadsworth: But you can save the princess right now!

Waluigi: Wario, we could just call for backup.

Wario: Whoops, I forgot my walkie talkie.

Toadsworth: I'm sending in a complaint about you fellows.

Wario: How about you don't?

Toadsworth: Okay then... Wait a minute!

Wario: Look, Mario and maybe Luigi, depending on how he feels about leaving the house, will save Peach. I'm sure of it.

Toadsworth: Oh... fish on a stick!

Toadsworth runs off.

Waluigi: Maybe we should have, I don't know, done something?

Wario: Then we would have to do work.

Waluigi: Like walking?

Wario: Yes, you know what I'm talking about. Hey look, donuts!

Wario runs over to the donut shop.

Waluigi: Since when was there ever a donut shop here?

Wario: Who cares?

Waluigi: I do.

Wario: Nobody cares about you!

Waluigi: Well, I'm offended... again!

Walkie Talkie: We need help here on the first floor!

Waluigi: Wait, I thought you said you didn't have a walkie talkie.

Wario: That was just to get Toadsworth out of our hair.

Waluigi: He wasn't in our hair.

Wario: Metaphor.

Waluigi: Oh... So maybe we should go to the first floor.

Wario: I'll just take all of these donuts with me then.

Koopa: You have to pay for those!

Wario: No I don't!

Koopa: Yes you do!

Wario: Uh, look over there!

Koopa: Where, I don't see anything...

Wario: Now, time to escape!

...

Koopa: Hey, stop right there!

Waluigi: Wario, that was our chance to run from the Koopa.

Wario: Yeah, well, I forgot the plan.

Waluigi: Never mind, let’s just get going.

Wario and Waluigi run down to the first floor with the Koopa yelling.

Toadsworth: Bowser is making his way to the door!

Wario: This again? Let’s get out of here, Waluigi.

Waluigi: Maybe we should actually help.

Wario: Who wants to help an old Toadsworth: I heard that!

Wario: How?

Toadsworth: I'm standing right next to you.

Wario: Ah.

Walkie Talkie: Somebody is shoplifting in the CD Store. Go there now, Wario and Waluigi!

Toadsworth: Aren't you going to help me?

Wario: Do you want a short answer?

Toadsworth: Yes.

Wario: No.

So Wario and Waluigi make their way to the CD Store.

Waluigi: Wait, are you still carrying those donuts?

Wario: I couldn't just drop them...

Waluigi: Yes, you could’ve.

Wario: Their feelings would be hurt.

Waluigi: Wario, just eat them!

Wario: I would, but I'm thirsty.

Boo: (whispering) That Bandit over there is stealing my CDs!

Wario: I can't hear you, something about a Bandit stealing the CDs?

The Bandit runs off.

Boo: Nice going, idiot!

The Boo smacks Wario.

Wario: Nice going, Waluigi!

Wario smacks Waluigi.

Waluigi: Nice going... Oh, I don't have anyone to hit.

Boo: Chase after that Bandit!

Wario and Waluigi start chasing after the Bandit.

Waluigi: Wario, just drop the donuts!

Wario: I can't leave them behind!

Waluigi: Just do it, it's slowing you down!

Wario eats all of the donuts.

Wario: There! Are you happy?

Waluigi: Well, not really... Wow, you're even slower without the donuts.

Wario: I just gulped about 30 donuts, and I'm thirsty!

Waluigi: We'll stop at the Drink Store.

Wario: Okay then.

Wario and Waluigi go to the Drink Store.

Waluigi: Not really creative store names...

Wario: I'll have 10 Koopa Colas!

Shy Guy: Here you are, sir.

Wario chugs all of the 10 Koopa Colas.

Waluigi: Um... I think we should continue to chase Bandit.

Shy Guy: Can you please pay for those drinks?

Wario: No.

Shy Guy: Why not?

Wario: Because I'm a Mall Cop!

Shy Guy: You still have to pay.

Wario: I'm chasing a guy, though.

Shy Guy: Is it that Bandit?

Wario: Yes.

Shy Guy: He's standing right next to you, stealing my drinks!

Waluigi: Let’s-

Wario: Wait here, Waluigi. What does he look like?

Shy Guy: Blue with a mask on.

Wario: Oh, that isn't him.

Shy Guy: Yes he is-

Wario: This Bandit has very nice shoes.

Shy Guy: But-

Wario: Hey, where did that Bandit go?

Waluigi: He left. You know... they have a thing called whispering.

Wario: Forget about him, Waluigi. Mario will catch him.

Waluigi: Mario can't do EVERYTHING for us.

Wario: Yes he can, he's Mario.

Peach: Help, someone stole my purse!

Waluigi: Wait, weren't you just kidnapped awhile ago?

Peach: Yes, but Mario saved me.

Wario: Told you, Waluigi.

Waluigi: Whatever.

Wario: Is it a nice-looking purse?

Peach: Yes, I only buy the best.

Wario: Would you give us a reward?

Peach: Depends how fast you do it.

Wario: How fast do you want it?

Peach: In at least five minutes.

Wario: Uh, that's not enough time.

Peach: Ten?

Wario: More.

Peach: Fifteen?

Wario: More.

Peach: Thirty!

Wario: Two hours?

Peach: No, get it for me in five minutes!

Wario: Waluigi, this job is too hard.

Waluigi: You're the one that wanted it!

Wario: Sure.

Peach: There's the Dry Bones that took my purse!

Wario: Sir, is that your purse?

Dry Bones: Yes.

Wario: Well Peach, unless you have evidence that this is your purse, you can't have it.

Peach: It's mine, though.

Wario: Yes, but pink isn't really your style.

Peach: I wear pink all the time!

Wario: You keep telling yourself that.

Waluigi: Great, Wario, the boss is coming this way.

Goomba Manager: You two have to be the worst Mall Cops ever!

Wario: I blame Waluigi.

Goomba Manager: Yes, Waluigi is the worst.

Waluigi: I never did anything wrong!

Goomba Manager: It doesn't matter, you're both fired!

Wario: Wow, fired on Christmas Eve.

Waluigi: It's not Christmas Eve.

Wario: What is it then, Waluigi? New Year's?

Waluigi: No, it's January.

Wario: So, how is this going to end?

Waluigi: Hopefully it'll end without cutting one of us off during the middle of a-

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