Mario needed to do his Christmas shopping; however, it was the day before Christmas Eve and he was flat broke.
Luigi: Stop whining, Mario. If you want money, you will have to get a job! I can’t keep bailing you out! Someday you have to learn responsibility. Do you understand?
Mario: ... I agree, how about I learn responsibility next Christmas?
Luigi: NO! This Christmas, you have to earn the money for shopping yourself! Period!
Mario: I think it’s kinda funny how you said period, but ended your sentence with an exclamation mark. Haha!
Luigi: I have had it! I am going out to meet Daisy for lunch!
Mario: Could we split a sand-
Luigi: No! And go on a diet, fatso!
Mario: Hey! I’ve been working out! I slept with ankle weights on last night!
Luigi: … You are pathetic! I’m outta here!
So it looked like Mario couldn’t buy any gifts this year. He walked dejectedly to the Mushroom Mall. As he was walking…
Harold the Goomba (manager): MARIO! Thank goodness! We need a new Santa, QUICK! Will ya do it?
Mario: Sorry, I just don’t think I’m the right guy for the jo-
Harold: It pays 100 coins.
Mario: Actually, I am red, fat, and REALLY jolly! HO HO HO! And I like to get paid in advance.
So Mario had a stroke of luck! He quickly got changed into the Santa outfit and came out and sat in the chair. Toad was dressed up as an elf, and he was NOT happy about it.
Toad: Oh great! Mario is my partner! He will ruin everything!
Mario: HO HO HO! My name isn’t Mario! It’s Santa!
Toad: Just a newsflash: Santa doesn’t have a red hat with an M on it!
Mario: Oops, hehehe.
Mario took it off and stuffed it down his shirt.
Harold: All right, everybody! SANTA IS NOW SEEING KIDS! COME SIT ON SANTA’S LAP!
A bunch of children lined up, eager to see Santa. The first kid was a little baby Goomba.
Mario: Hi! Whatcha want for Christmas?
Goomba: Well… I’d really like a pony!
Mario: Me too! Do you know where to find them?!
Toad: MARIO! I MEAN SANTA! You are just supposed to say that you will get it for her!
Mario: Fat chance! Look kid, there is NO way you are getting a pony for Christmas! I will just bring you a doll or something.
Goomba: But… But…
Mario: NEXT!
A Lakitu came up next.
Mario: Have you been a good little... thing that flies on a cloud this year?
Lakitu: Sure have, Mr. Santa, sir!
Mario: I hate goody-two shoes! But what do ya want?
Lakitu: I’d really like a football!
Mario: How about some contact lenses, four-eyes! Hahaha, you look so goofy!
Lakitu: (crying) You’re a meany, Santa!
Mario: Hey, there's no reason to call names! ... You know, that really hurt my feelings...
Toad: 0_0
Mario started crying, but got a hold of himself. A little Koopa came up next.
Koopa: I would like a robot that does Karate tricks!
Mario: What do I look like? A rocket surgeon?!
Toad: You mean rocket scienti-
Mario: Shut up, stupid elf! The point is I can’t build a robot that knows Karate! And if I could, I wouldn't give it to you!
Koopa: (crying) But I have waited all year…
Mario: However, I CAN get you a tissue for Christmas. How about that? NEXT!
Bowser Junior: Hi Santa! I would like an Origami beginner set!
Mario: Hahaha! What a sissy! How about I just bring you some flowers for Christmas? Now get outta here, you big baby!
Toad facepalmed as a baby Yoshi came up.
Yoshi: Hi, I'm a Yoshi.
Mario: I'm a plumber.
Yoshi: A plumber?
Mario: Yup, I like plumbs. That's why I decided to go into the plumbing business. So what do you want for Christmas?
Yoshi: I want it to snow!
Mario: Sorry, there is a 90 percent chance of rain, and it is supposed to be a high of 92 degrees Fahrenheit.
Yoshi: What would that convert to in Celsius?
Toad: 33.33 degrees!
Mario: Nerd! Shut up, you are an elf, you don't know anything!
Yoshi: But can't YOU make it snow, Mr. Santa?
Mario: Sure I can! I control the weather!
Toad: (Since when?)
Yoshi: Great!
Mario: But I'm going to make it rain, and then come to your house and remind you that it is raining, not snowing!
The baby Yoshi started to cry.
Mario: Last customer!
Harold: But there are at least 50 children still out there waiting!
Mario: All right, kids, I am only seeing one more kid! So push and shove, everybody! PUSH AND SHOVE! EVERYBODY ELSE GETS COAL IN THEIR STOCKING!
Toad: Hehehe… Mario’s in for it now! All of those kids are going to jump on h-
Mario: AND THE FIRST PERSON TO TACKLE MY ELF GETS DOUBLE PRESENTS!
Toad: 0_0 … Uh oh.
Enough said… After being mauled Toad got admitted to the emergency room in the hospital. Mario took his 100 coins, since he’d been paid in advance, and went out and bought 50 packs of gum for himself!
To this day, Mario is banned from entering the Mushroom Mall.
Merry Christmas everyone! Get something special for someone you love, just like Mario didn’t!
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