It was a beautiful day outside. The birds were chirping, the sun was out, and Luigi was going through the day's mail. He noticed a letter from Princess Peach. It had Mario's name on it. It was pretty obvious what it said, to him at least, but since Mario never let him read letters from Peach he didn't know for sure. At the moment Mario was buying groceries, meaning if he really wanted to he could open it...
Mario: I'm back!
Luigi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mario: What's wrong?
Luigi: Nothing! Here's the mail today.
Mario: Looks like a letter from the princess.
Luigi: Why don't you ever let me read her letters?
Mario: CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE!
He runs to his room and slams the door.
Luigi: *sigh* He always uses that excuse.
Ten minutes later...
Mario: I'm done with the letter. Peach got kidnapped again. Time to rescue her. Be back in a week.
Luigi: Bye.
Mario goes to rescue Peach.
Luigi: ... I GOTTA SEE WHAT THE LETTER SAYS!
Unbeknownst to Luigi, Mario has a problem. His problem is that he eats so much that he always runs out of cheese ten minutes after he gets home from the grocery store. However, unable to believe he ate it all so fast, he instead believes that mice are responsible, and so he proceeded to set up mouse traps around the house. This particular day there are currently 4,269 mouse traps in the house.
Luigi: I've noticed Mario has put up mouse traps before, but I can't even see the floor now! There's no way I can get to his room... unless... I USE MY SUPER POWERS!
Unbeknownst to Mario, Luigi also has a problem. He thinks he is a super hero. When Mario isn't looking he will proceed to do amazing feats, such as opening the pickle jar with one hand, cutting his own hair, or even eating more than one sandwich at a time. While all those are undeniably pretty super, the superest thing of all is his ability to fly, which he now demonstrates.
Luigi: UP UP AND AWAY!
Despite Luigi's small size and the near impossibility of this happening, Luigi manages to land on 592 mouse traps. Thankfully he knows what to do.
Luigi: STOP DROP AND ROLL!
Luigi proceeds to hit 2,198 more mouse traps. But at last he's in Mario's room.
Luigi: At last! The letter!
Dear Mario,
Please stop trying to rescue me. Bowser and I keep trying to get married, but your jealousy is preventing me from doing so as you always kidnap me right before we can get married. Please understand that no matter how expensive the gifts are you send me, I won't love you like I do him
Sincerely, Peach
Luigi: I didn't expect the letter to say that.
As concerned as Luigi is, one thing in particular concerns him, the "No matter how expensive the gifts are you send me" part. Luigi decides it's best to look at the groceries Mario bought. Inside are the normal items Mario gets: cheese, cheese, $20,000 ring, cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Luigi has a heart attack and is rushed to the ER. When he is released he knows what he must do: return Peach to Bowser! Thus begins the adventure of...
SUPER LUIGI!
Luigi decides he must first put on a disguise so Mario won't recognize him. He thus puts on his Mama Luigi outfit. No one bothers to tell him he looks the same as before. He sets out on his vast journey.
Boo: Hi, I'm your new neighbor and was wondering if I could borrow some suga-
Luigi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Boo: Maybe I should come back later.
The ever-brave Luigi makes it all the way to the front gate. That's when he realizes he isn't wearing any pants.
Luigi: Mamamia.
Luigi rushes back into the house. However, it isn't the right one.
Boo: Sugar?
Luigi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The fearless Luigi makes a life-changing decision to move two states away. The life-changing part is he forgets to sell his old house and thus has no money and is forced to live on the streets.
Luigi: :(
Thankfully Luigi is very talented and knows how to make easy money.
Luigi: Every dollar you give to me is one more dollar for me to spend!
It seems Luigi isn't as talented as he thinks he is. However, a kind Toad takes pity on him and gives him a $10,000 bill! Luigi is unable to contain his joy!
Luigi: I HAVE TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!
It turns out the world is very happy to hear this, and just a few minutes later Luigi no longer has the $10,000.
Luigi: :(
Mario, who has just returned from kidna- I mean rescuing Princess Peach, sees Luigi.
Mario: Hi Luigi.
Mario then returns home, happy to have seen Luigi again.
Luigi: Even if I have no money, food, or pants, I will do the right thing! I must return Princess Peach to Bowser.
Luigi, full of confidence, walks into the street and gets run over by a car and dies.
Luigi: I'm not dead!
Sadly, Luigi is not yet dead.
Luigi: Sadly? I'm very happy!
The happy Luigi makes his way to Peach's Castle.
Toad Guard: I'm sorry, but you can't come in.
Luigi: Why not?
Toad Guard: Because Mario rigged the castle with cheese bombs, and if someone tries to rescue Peach they'll go off.
Luigi: I thought it was because I wasn't wearing any pants.
Toad Guard: Well that too.
Luigi decides to sneak around to the other side of the castle. However he forgets that the castle has a moat around it.
Luigi: Do I know how to swim?
Unfortunately Luigi does not, and drowns.
Luigi: NO I DIDN'T!
Luigi climbs out of the water and sneaks into the castle when no one is looking.
Peach: Luigi!
Luigi: I've come to return you to Bowser!
Peach: Why aren't you wearing any pants?
Luigi: I don't know!
Peach: Luigi, if Mario finds out you're here he'll blow up the castle.
Luigi: Don't worry, Peach, I came prepared.
Peach: You did?
Luigi: I brought mice. They can eat the cheese bombs.
Peach: Wow, Luigi, you're so smart!
Luigi: Yup. Too bad I left the mice in my pants.
Mario (entering castle): Luigi!
Luigi: Mario! What are you doing here?
Mario: I forgot my nose. Why are you here?
Luigi: I forget my nose too.
Mario: Luigi, I didn't really lose my nose. I was just testing you.
Luigi: Yeah well, I was testing myself too.
Mario: Luigi, now that you found out my secret...
Luigi: Oh no...
Mario: YOU MUST TANGO!
Music comes on and Mario and Peach start to dance.
Luigi: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DANCE!
Luigi's inability to dance triggers the cheese bombs, killing everyone.
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