PlayStop

Luigi's Do-It-Your-Stinkin-Self 25
 
By Skormorak

Luigi: Welcome to Episode 25 of Luigi's Do-It-Your-Stinkin-Self!

Toad: Wait, hang on! I thought you said Episode 24 would be the last episode we ever made! How'd you manage to convince Lemmy to renew the contract?!

Luigi: Well, it wasn't easy, I'll tell you that...

Flashback to where Luigi is seen hacking into Bowser's computer. After stealing Bowser's password, Luigi is shown typing an Email.

Luigi: He'll never know it wasn't Bowser! Hee hee!

Meanwhile, Lemmy has just turned on his computer a couple of rooms away. As usual, the first thing he does is start checking his Email.

Lemmy: Ooh, we got a new Email... Kingbowser@koopamail.com!?

Lemmy,

You'd better renew the contract for Luigi's Do-It-Your-Stinkin-Self! If you haven't sent Luigi a message in one week, I'm sending you to the dungeon until you're 20!

-King Bowser

Toad: You #$&@(!)$@ idiot! I thought I was a free man at last! What are we gonna do today? Polish a crocodile's teeth? Defuse a bomb? Oh, I know! Feed me to Yoshi, of course!

Luigi: Nah, defusing a bomb's planned for next week. Today, we're going to show you how to go fishing!

Toad: Finally! There's no way you can mess something like this up!

Luigi: The first step to be a successful fisherman is to have the proper equipment! However, since Lemmy gave us such a poor budget, we had to go to the local landfill or make some things ourselves!

Luigi points to a bunch of fishing supplies lying in a pile. There is a rotten fishing pole with termites crawling all over it, a net made out of rusty paperclips, and a vile-smelling tackle box filled with ten-year-old gummy worms. Toad puts a hand to his face in humiliation. Luigi takes the "fishing supplies" out to a rusty old SUV that is missing three doors and one mirror. And one of the wheels is an old bicycle tire! Luigi and Toad climb into the SUV and set off down the road.

Luigi: There are two ways you can fish: on the land or out on the water. Because I'm awesome, we're going to be fishing out on the water! Be sure to buy or rent the best boat your money can get if you choose to do this.

Toad: Why?

Luigi: You want to look really cool for all the bikini-girls out there. Oh goody, we're here! Toad, you can take all the supplies down to the dock while I go rent the boat.

Toad: #)@$%(! Why do I have to unload the supplies, you lazy (#$@*$%?! *grumble grumble*

Toad picks up all the supplies and drags them down to the beach. Along the way, several people feel sorry for him when they see his garbage tackle, and start throwing him some money. When Toad tries to pick up the money he drops all the supplies. After gathering them all up again, Toad arrives at the dock, panting and wheezing.

Toad: I... (#$#~@... Hate you!

Luigi: I love you too, Toad. Anyway, I rented the best boat money could buy from this old Goomba, here.

Cap'n Goom: Aye, she be a beauty. She got me ter' the beaches ferty years ago in the war and ye'll be the first ter' pilot er' in ferty years!

Toad: Where's the boat? Oh, #@)#*@!

Toad looks down to see an old rusty landing craft that is so brown you can't see any steel in it anymore. All of the holes in it have been clumsily mended with duct tape, and it is in poor condition.

Luigi: Isn't it a beauty, Toad? Now, the first thing you'll want to do is find a good fishing spot!

Toad: Are we going to stay close to land? I can't swim...

Luigi: Of course not! We're going out there!

Luigi points out into the distance, where a bunch of triangular fins are poking out of the water. A small sailboat is seen passing by before one of the sharks jumps out of the water and chews it in two.

Toad: We're dead... We're so dead...

Luigi throws the supplies into the boat, which causes it to tilt to one side. Toad gingerly climbs down the rickety wooden ladder and gets in on the opposite side. This balances the weight until Luigi climbs in with Toad. The boat quickly tilts to one side and water starts seeping in.

Luigi: Toad! You're too fat for this boat!

Toad: What? No! I only weigh 39 pounds!

Luigi: Never worry, though. If you ever find yourself in a situation where your boat's going to sink because of weight, there's one simple solution!

Luigi picks up Toad and throws him off into the water, where he gets eaten by piranhas.

Luigi: Darn it, Toad, you're getting raspberry jam all in the sea! Toad? Oh well, gonna need another Toad.

Toad 1948 is thrown on-set into the boat and on top of the supplies.

Toad 1948: Why, god, why?

Luigi: Now that you're in, you set out to your fishing spot!

Luigi pilots the old lander out towards the shark-infested waters. As he approaches, the sharks start circling the boat.

Toad 1948: This is a bad idea, Luigi.

Luigi: Now that you're ready, you've just got to bait your fishing pole!

Luigi takes one of the old gummy worms out of the tackle box and puts it on the hook. He casts the line out into the water.

Luigi: The trick to fishing is that whenever you feel a tug on the end of your rod, you reel it in! Just like now!

Luigi reels in the fishing pole and pulls in about twenty fish clinging to the hook, already dead after eating the bait.

Toad 1948: Hey, if he can do it, any idiot can!

Toad baits his rod with one of the old gummy worms and casts it overboard. When he feels a bite, he reels in with surprising strength.

Toad 1948: I got it, I go- #*@#)*!!!

A shark flies over the boat and takes Toad with him.

Luigi: Stupid Toads! Don't you know you're never supposed to tease the sharks? Lemmy, get me another Toad!

Toad 65535 is shot on-set via a doomship cannon.

Toad 65535: I just want to get out of this alive and see my family...

Luigi: Nonsense, Toad, it's perfectly safe. Now let me show you how to trawl.

Luigi goes over to the opposite end of the boat and throws over the garbag- I mean the fishing net made of paperclips, and fastens it to each end of the boat with rigging poles.

Luigi: As you're driving the boat, fish that are swimming along are just gonna get caught in this! But you don't want to get too many fish at once or the net might snap!

Toad 65535: Where'd you get that?

Luigi: Don't tell me you've never seen Finding Nemo!

Toad 65535: But that's just a movie!

Luigi: Are you trying to contradict me?! I am your master! You will obey me or your family won't get fed!

Toad 65535: Of course it's true, I was just curious...

Luigi drives the boat along while Toad waits by the net, looking overboard. The net starts to get heavier and heavier.

Toad 65535: Luigi, I think we're full!

Luigi: Attaboy, Toad! Now, whenever your net is full, you'll have to pull into harbor so that you can get that net ready!

Luigi steers the boat towards Isle Delfino, and stops the boat at Ricco Harbor.

Luigi: The next step is to unload that net, but unless you're really strong like me, you'll have to use a crane! Toad here's going to show you what I mean.

Toad climbs a ladder and gets into the cockpit of a crane. He whips the arm of the crane around too fast however, and destroys the hull of an oil tanker, which causes Ricco Harbor to be flooded with oil. Fish coated in the black substance are seen floating up to the surface, belly up.

Luigi: Darn it, Toad! You're going to have to pay for that, you know!

Toad 65535: Hey, it'll be no problem with all the fish in this baby! Let's see... Raise net…

Toad presses a button that causes the cable to retract, raising the net up above the water. However, inside the net are old rusted mines covered in seaweed! The net snaps and the bombs fall onto Ricco Harbor, taking out a huge portion of the market and causing the crane Toad is in to snap and fall into the sea.

Luigi: Umm, you didn't see that... Soo, tune in again next week when we show you how to defuse a bomb.

The End

Did you like this submission?

Whoops! You're not logged in!
If you were, you could leave the author of this submission some feedback, even vote it into Little Lemmy's Land!
Why not login now?

Fill out the boxes below if you would like to invite a friend to this page.

Friend's
Name
Email (required)

Your
Name
Email

Has your latest Mario scene sent you into hysterics? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Scribbles.
Go back to my main page.