One random day in Mario’s house…
Mario: What to do… I know! I’ll eat pasta!
Mario walks over to the cabinet and eats pasta… while it’s still in the box.
Mario: Huh, harder than usual.
Suddenly, a light shines down on Mario and dramatic music starts playing.
Mario: I know, I can open a store that sells pasta that isn’t hard! People will be happy forever!
Mario glances up where the light is coming from.
Mario: I really need to get that crack fixed. And could you guys practice somewhere else!?
Band: Nope.
Mario: Well, time to open my shop.
36 seconds later…
Mario: Done!
Luigi walks by.
Luigi: What are you doing now, Mario?
Mario: Opening a store!
Luigi: You do realize that you just have a piece of wood in front of you with various useless items on it?
Mario: Yep.
Luigi: And you do also realize that one time you opened a lemonade stall and you somehow ended up destroying half of Peach’s castle?
Mario: Nope!
Luigi: I’ll leave now.
Mario: But you can be my first costumer!
Luigi: Umm…
Luigi comes back with a Goomba.
Luigi: This guy…
Goomba: Bob.
Luigi: Bob will be your first customer!
Bob: Huh?
Luigi: See ya!
Luigi leaves.
Mario: What would you like?
Bob: For your existence to come to an end.
Mario: That’s on sale. 999 coins please!
Bob: …
Mario: Fine, 998! It was 1,000 before the sale.
Bob leaves.
Mario: I’m on fire! This business is going great!
A spider comes…
Spider: Hi.
Mario: Hello. What would you like?
Spider: Your hollow head as a nest.
Mario: 1 coin please.
Spider: Does a fly wrapped in web count?
Mario: Sure.
Mario takes the helpless fly and lets the spider in his head.
Mario: Don’t touch the television.
Spider: Aww…
A Koopa passes by…
Mario: Hello Mister…
Koopa: Pete.
Mario: Pete! What would you like-
Spider: (coming out of Mario’s head) Hi there!
Pete: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Mario: That’s a lot of A’s.
Pete runs away screaming.
Mario: He’s probably jealous of my clothes.
Spider: What’s with the leaf collection in your hollow head?
Mario: It’s not that hollow. And, I don’t know.
Bowser passes by.
Mario: Hello Mister…
Bowser: GWAR!
Mario: Hello Mr. Gwar. How may I help you? I have a fly for only 7 coins, plus tax!
Bowser breathes fire on Mario.
Mario: Come on! 7 coins isn’t that much!
Bowser: ... Can I kidnap the princess?
Mario: Only if you buy a staple.
Bowser: Fine. How much?
Mario: One chocolate bar.
Bowser pulls out a Toad.
Bowser: Will this work?
Mario: No.
Bowser pulls out Toadsworth.
Bowser: How about this?
Mario: Nope.
Bowser pulls out Luigi.
Bowser: This?
Mario: NO WAY!
Luigi: MARIO!
Bowser throws all those things away and pulls out a half eaten chocolate bar.
Bowser: Here.
Mario: It’s half eaten. No can do.
Bowser: Grrr…
Bowser walks away. Tons of violent sounds along with a Toad going “He’s robbing us!” are heard. Bowser then comes back with a chocolate bar.
Bowser: Here!
Mario: This one has nuts. I hate nuts.
Bowser takes out all the nuts.
Bowser: THERE!
Mario: It still has the essence of nuts on it.
Bowser breathes fire on Mario.
Mario: … Thank you for visiting! You may now kidnap the princess!
Bowser: Glad to hear it.
After 38 minutes Bowser walks by with Princess Peach in his grasp.
Peach: HELP!
Mario: Hello there, Mrs. HELP! How may I help you?
Peach: UNTIE ME!
Mario: I don’t know, that will be pretty expensive.
Peach: HELP!
Mario: Fine, leave then! See if I care!
Three seconds later…
Mario: I LOST A CUSTOMER!
Larry is seen observing a plant.
Larry: I’ll call you… Jerry!
Mario: Greetings, citizen!
Larry: Huh?
Mario: And your name is…
Larry: … Larry.
Mario: Nice to meet you, Larry!
Larry: But you’ve met me and beaten me up…
Larry pulls out a calculator. He starts pressing buttons.
Larry: …239 times. Oh wait, that’s how many times Roy beat me up. Hold on…
Mario: I’ll wait…
Larry: … YOU beat me up 68 times. Huh, I was so sure it was 69 times.
Mario: I love you too. What would you like?
Larry: Nothing from you.
Larry leaves.
Mario: AND I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!
…
Mario: Maybe I’m not cut out to be a shop owner.
Mario pushes the piece of wood along with everything on it into a lake.
Mario: Now time to start a circus!
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