Catchy theme music plays.

Singers: For those of you, 
Who are really dumb. (A question mark appears) 
Ask Luigi, 
Sucking his thumb! (Luigi sucks his thumb) 
He can answer anything, 
Including charm and wit. (Luigi gets letters from the IRS) 
Feed your pets, 
Even babysit. (Luigi feeds Toad his own baby food) 
With his pal, Toad, 
Who gets run over on the road. (Toad gets run over by Luigi's car) 
It's all about, 
To think to yourself. (Toad gives a slip of paper to Luigi and runs off) 
It's Luigi's (Luigi looks at the note saying I QUIT!) 
Do-It-Your-Stinking-Self.

Live from Lemmy’s Scribble Channel, it’s-

Luigi: Luigi’s Do-It-Your-Stinking-Self-Hour-Long-Extravaganza-Spectacular!

Toads: WHAT?!

Luigi: On today’s show we will show you five- yes FIVE- Luigi’s-Do-It-Your-Stinking-Self shows, including the lost “How to Throw a Party”!

Toads: NO!

All the Toads start running away but Luigi takes out a remote control and pushes a button. An electric cage appears and the Toads stop dead in their tracks.

Luigi: *in a dark voice* There is no escape this time.

Toads: 0_o We want our mommies!

They start crying.

Luigi: Ahh, see? They’re crying with joy to be working with me. Now, who gets to be my assistant first?

Luigi puts on a blindfold and gets out a very sharp dart. He throws it at a random Toad. He falls down on the floor.

Luigi: Isn’t he lucky? Oh, and look! He is leaking raspberry jam!

Toad 57: He’s dead, you idiot!

Luigi: Oh. Well then I guess you’re going to be my first assistant.

Toad 57: @&%$!

Luigi: The first show will be how to get out of a lawsuit! Stinking-Self 19!

Toad 57: No! I can’t afford to get sued!

Luigi: How’d you know the next part? Well the first thing to do is find someone to get sued by.

Luigi goes over to Peach’s castle.

Toad: No! Anyone but Peach!

Luigi: Second, commit an act that will surely get you sued, like so.

Luigi gets out a camera and proceeds to open the bathroom door. Peach is taking a shower.

Peach: La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Luigi quickly opens up the shower curtains and aimlessly starts taking pictures. Luigi runs out of the bathroom as Peach screams. He hands the camera to Toad and pushes Toad into the castle.

Toadsworth: By golly, it was you, Toad, who took those pictures?! We are suing for traumatizing the princess!

Toad: I hate my @%$& life.

Soon we see Toad in the court along with Peach and her lawyer.

Bailiff: All rise for the honorable Junior.

Toad: Wait, what?!

Junior approaches the podium with a judge wig on. Toad looks around frantically.

Toad: Hey, where is my lawyer?! Luigi told me he got me a top class lawyer.

Just then the door busts open and we see Luigi with an open briefcase and a very wrinkled suit. Toad begins to bang his head repeatedly against the desk.

Toad: Why, why, why, why, why, WHY ME?!

Luigi: Third, you must be your own lawyer. This way you will win for sure.

Junior: I’m huuuuuuuuuuuuungry. The case of Peach against Toad will now come to order. Peach, your opening statement.

Peach: Thank you, Your Honor. Toad has traumatized me by taking pictures of my while in the shower! I though this kind of thing would happen to Daisy or maybe even Rosalina! Toad is a pervert that must be put away in jail.

Toad: That wasn’t me, for the last @&%$ time! It was Luigi.

Peach: As you see, he also curses a lot.

Junior: Order in the -food- court. Toad, your -food- opening statement.

Toad: I didn’t do it! It was Luigi! You have to believe me!

Junior: Dully noted. Now you guys can begin.

Lawyer: Thank you, Your Honor. I call to the stand Luigi.

Luigi sits down and the lawyer approaches him.

Lawyer: Did you see Toad take pictures of Peach?

Luigi: Why yes I did!

Toad: What?!

Luigi: In fact I took these pictures of him.

Luigi hands the lawyer a photo of Luigi dressed up as Toad. Luigi has the camera in hand taking pictures of Peach.

Lawyer: Here is proof of the accident. No further questions, Your Honor.

Toad starts crying.

Junior: Thank you -food. Now Luigi do you -food- have any witnesses?

Luigi: Yes, why I call Toad to the stand.

Toad goes up to the stand and Luigi gets out some papers.

Luigi: Toad, do you deny taking pictures of Peach?

Toad: Of course I deny it! I am not some kind of pervert like Bowser.

Bowser: Hey, I resent that!

Luigi: Well then, how do you explain this?!

Toad: A picture of you stealing film from Lemmy’s Interview Show?

Luigi: Whoops. Um, wrong photo. I mean this.

He shows the picture as before.

Toad: That’s you, you @&%$ idiot!

Luigi: Now now, Toad, let’s not get violent. No more questions, Your Honor.

Toad: What?! What kind of lawyer are you?! You are supposed to make me look innocent, not look like a prowler!

Junior: Jury, you may go -food- reach a verdict.

Luigi: If things aren’t looking good for you, just bribe the jury.

Luigi slips past the bailiff and enters the jury’s room.

Koopa: He is clearly guilty.

Jury: Yep, definitely guilty.

Luigi: Now, hold it right there. What if I paid you each 50 bucks if you agree to say Toad is innocent?

Wario: I say we let him go!

Jury: T_T No.

They kick Luigi out.

Luigi: If bribing the jury doesn’t work, remember there is still the judge. After all, it’s his final decision.

Jury: Your Honor, we have come to a final statement. We find Toad guilty.

Junior: Toad, you are guilty.

Luigi: What?! That’s not fair.

Junior: What do you expect? Peach has 100 lawyers and you tried to bribe me with a prescription to “Fish Illustrated”… which I already have! Toad, you are sentenced to life in prison. Case dismissed.

Two cops drag off a cursing Toad.

Luigi: And that’s how you get out of a lawsuit! Now, onto the next show, but first, time for the extravaganza part of my show: Interviews with my crew!

Interviewer: Luigi, how did you come up with Stinking-Self?

Luigi: Well, while I was watching a cooking show I thought “Hey, that guy gets paid for telling idiots like me how to do something correctly!” And so Stinking-Self was born.

Interviewer: Where was this “lost” episode?

Luigi: In my toilet. It was clogging it up until Mario fished it out.

Interviewer: How does it feel working with Toad?

Luigi: It’s great. We are like partners in crime. If stuff goes down we both are rewarded or sentenced. Well, time for…