Our story begins in the Palace of Shadow, where Gloomtail is looking through his mail. Yes, giant dragons get mail too. Most of it is from Hooktail, but this letter is from someone else.
Gloomtail: This is an outrage! Mail Dry Bones, come here!
Dry Bones: What is an outrage?
Gloomtail: According to this Iggy Koopa guy, I lost to Handfake on this Internet fighting thing!
Dry Bones: What's a Handfake?
Gloomtail: I don't know. Probably from one of those Gameboy games. Everyone knows only the large console games matter!
Dry Bones: Right... Well, who cares? I'm leaving.
Gloomtail: No, you don't understand! Someone had something bad happen to me... on the Internet.
Dry Bones: Simply horrible. Would it make you feel better if I told you it actually happened?
Gloomtail: IT WAS A LUCKY PUN- I mean, no it didn't.
Dry Bones: Well, you know, I've been to Lemmy's Land before, and I saw the fight. It's just that Roy didn't accomplish much because you can, like, fly.
Gloomtail: Exactly! He did nothing! I am invincible!
Dry Bones: You still lost.
Gloomtail: ... That's it! I'm gonna find this Roy and give him a piece of my mind! And by "piece of mind", I mean "swallow him whole".
Dry Bones: Super. Well, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go.
Gloomtail: And you're coming!
Dry Bones: Wonderful... Well then, how do you intend to leave this time?
Gloomtail proceeds to smash through the wall, making a large hole he can easily fit through.
Dry Bones: And you always could do that?
Gloomtail: Of course. There's nothing I CAN'T do.
Dry Bones: Except think, apparently.
Gloomtail: What was that?
Dry Bones: Nothing, nothing.
And so the two venture off to Bowser's Castle, destroying a few cities for fun, but nobody minds. Well, okay, nobody dead minds. Because they're dead. Anyway, upon reaching Bowser's Castle, they spot a Hammer Brother and a Fire Brother guard.
Hammer Brother: Can we help you?
Gloomtail: Yes, does a Roy Koopa live here?
Hammer Brother: Yes.
Gloomtail: Could you ask him to come out so I can talk to him?
Hammer Brother: Sure, why not?
Fire Brother: Dude. Prince Roy said he didn't want to talk to any black and purple dragons.
Hammer Brother: He also said we were dumb and ugly.
Fire Brother: Good point. I'll go get him.
The Fire Brother enters the castle.
Gloomtail: So, nice castle you got here.
Hammer Brother: Why thank you!
Roy: Yeah, what is it chump- Uh oh.
Gloomtail inhales, the whole area shaking when he begins to speak.
Gloomtail: HOW DARE YOU STEP IN MY FIGHT WHEN MY VICTORY WAS ASSURED?!
Roy: Err...
Gloomtail: I WAS EMBARASSED BECAUSE OF YOU, AND FOR THAT YOU WILL PAY DEARLY!
Roy: I can explain!
Gloomtail: IT IS A BIT LATE FOR THAT! I SUGGEST YOU GET READY TO MEET YOUR MAKER!
Roy: Well, uh, before I do that, could I go get cleaned up so I can be ready?
The shaking stops.
Gloomtail: I don't see why not. But make it quick. I have a needless killing at 5 o'clock.
Roy: Right, right.
Roy backs up slowly, closes the castle door in front of him, then runs through the halls screaming.
Gloomtail: Nice weather we're having today.
Hammer Brother: Yep. Not a cloud in sight.
When he's through screaming, he stops in front of Larry's room and enters.
Roy: Larry, you have to help me!
Larry: Why should I help you? You bully me almost every day!
Roy: Gloomtail is upset about that whole Sports Hall thing.
Larry: Sports Hall, huh? You mean the same Sports Hall where you electrocute me almost every week?
Roy: Yes.
Larry: ... I have just the thing.
Larry hands Roy a stick of butter.
Roy: ... What is this for?
Larry: So you'll taste better when Gloomtail eats you.
Roy: ...
Roy punches Larry out and runs screaming to Morton's room.
Morton: Hello, good brother of mine! How can I help you?
Roy: You gotta help me!
Morton: I just asked what I can help you with.
Roy: Shut up already before I pound ya!
Morton: ...
Roy: Gloomtail wants to kill me!
Morton: Hopefully he succeeds. It's about time someone killed you. You're incredibly annoying, and that's coming from me.
Roy: So you don't care about your brother, eh?
Morton: I would if I wasn't EVIL. Besides, I have four more, and they don't tell me to shut up.
Roy: Forget you then!
Roy exits the room, with Larry soon entering.
Larry: Hey Morton.
Morton: Yeeeeees?
Larry: Shut up.
Morton: ... You notice how authors seem to always cycle through us in order of age?
Larry: Didn't I say shut up?
Next Roy would enter Wendy's room.
Wendy: Get out!
Roy: No, YOU get out!
Wendy: This is MY room!
Roy: Yes... I'm sorry we had to fight like this. Can you help me?
Wendy: No.
Wendy slams the door in Roy's face.
Roy: Yeah, well, you're ugly!
Roy then moves to Iggy's room, but then remembering what happened with Larry, Morton, and Wendy, decides against it and heads straight to Lemmy's room. Why he thinks he'll have more success with him is beyond me.
Lemmy: Hello!
Roy: He hasn't started out immediately angry with me... Good sign...
Lemmy: Who are you talking to?
Roy: Lemmy, I need your help.
Lemmy: With?
Roy: Gloomtail wants to kill me. Think of something so that he won't!
Lemmy: I'd love to, but...
Roy: But...?
Lemmy: Well, you still haven't talked to Iggy, Ludwig, or possibly Bowser. If I found a solution for you now, this story would be incomplete.
Roy: That's some major fourth wall breaking there.
Lemmy: So?
A crate falls onto Lemmy, knocking him out.
Roy: Darn it!
Meanwhile...
Gloomtail: He's kind of taking a while.
Dry Bones: He's just hiding from you. Destroy the castle or something to flush him out.
Gloomtail: Oh come on now. There's no need for senseless violence.
Dry Bones looks behind him at the destruction Gloomtail caused earlier.
Dry Bones: ... Whatever.
Back to Roy, he now enters Ludwig's room, with Ludwig working on INVENTIONS like a NERD.
Roy: Ludwig!
Ludwig: Yeah yeah, let's not go through this for the sixth time or so. I've already started on an invention for you.
Roy: Really? What is it?
Ludwig: A potion that will turn Gloomtail into a Yoshi.
Roy: Awesome. Gimme gimme! I could just beat him up again if he's a Yoshi.
Ludwig: I'm not finished testing it yet. I'm sure it'll be ready in a few mon-
Roy: Months?! I don't have that kind of time! He's outside right now-
Roy looks out the window.
Roy: -drinking tea with the guards! That diabolical mastermind!
Ludwig: I didn't think you knew words like diabolical.
Roy: I read it once in a magazine.
Ludwig: Oh. Well, stall.
Roy: I don't have time for your stupid science junk!
Roy punches Ludwig.
Ludwig: ... Well, that certainly won't speed things up.
Roy storms out of the room and heads for Bowser's room.
Roy: King Dad!
Bowser: What?
Roy: Gloomtail wants to kill me!
Bowser: What's a Gloomtail?
Roy: A horrible, evil being.
Bowser: Surely he can't be more evil and horrible than me!
Roy gains a slightly confident smirk.
Roy: Oh, but he is! He even told me he could beat up King Bowser Koopa without breaking a sweat!
Bowser: What?! Where is he?!
Roy: Just outside the front door.
Bowser: I'll show him just how evil I truly am!
Roy's smirk widens to a grin as Bowser exits his room and heads to the front doors of the castle.
Bowser: All right, Gloomtail fool, get ready for-
Bowser opens the door.
Gloomtail: Hello. Is Roy coming out now?
Bowser closes the door and returns to Roy.
Gloomtail: Well, that was rude.
Fire Brother: Yeah, ol' King Koopa can be a real jerk at times.
Roy: So, how'd it go?
Bowser pushes Roy out of his room.
Bowser: You're on your own, kid.
Roy: But I'm your son!
Bowser: I have no son!
Bowser slams the door.
Larry: Finally, an excuse to run away.
Left with no options, Roy heads to Iggy's room and enters.
Roy: Iggy...
Iggy starts laughing evilly.
Roy: I need- What's so funny?
Iggy: I'll tell you in a minute. Finish what you were saying.
Roy: I need your help.
Iggy resumes laughing evilly.
Roy: Why do you keep doing that?
Iggy: Oh, how the tables have turned! After treating me like garbage, you need MY help? Fat chance! I'll let you know something. It was ME who told Gloomtail to come here. Now you will know what it's like to be mistreated by someone bigger! Mwahahaha!
Roy: That's kind of... dark.
Iggy: Are we or are we not evil?
Roy: Hey, wait a minute... You beat Gloomtail in Sports Hall too. He'll probably just kill you next. You're in as much trouble with him as I am!
Iggy: ... Surely he won't remember that. It was ages ago.
Iggy opens and looks out his window.
Dry Bones: Hey Gloomtail, remember when Iggy beat you in the Sports Hall?
Gloomtail: I should kill you for reminding me. And I'm definitely killing him now that I remember.
Iggy: ... Weak.
Roy: Hah. Now you have to help me find a solution or we're both going down.
Iggy: But I can't think of anything!
Roy: Hahaha!
Iggy: What are you laughing at?
Roy: I like watching you suffer.
Iggy: The feeling is mutual. What now though?
Roy: I'm taking Ludwig's potion. I don't care if it isn't finished.
Iggy: You know Ludwig's inventions almost never work, right?
Roy: Shut up.
Roy and Iggy then return to Ludwig's room.
Roy: How's that potion coming, Ludwig?
Ludwig: I guess that months claim was an exaggeration, as it's done-
Roy grabs the potion and heads for the front door, Iggy following.
Ludwig: -except for testing. Why won't anyone let me finish talking?
Roy and Iggy then exit the front door to see Gloomtail, Dry Bones, Hammer Brother, and Fire Brother playing a lovely game of Twister. Needless to say, Gloomtail doesn't fare so well at said game.
Gloomtail: Ah, there you are. And you brought Iggy too, I see. Wonderful! This saves me a bit of time. Now, are you ready?
Roy: I am ready... to kick your tail yet again!
With that, Roy heaves the potion at Gloomtail, hitting him in the nose to no effect.
Roy: ...
Gloomtail: Are you through?
Roy: Stupid Ludwig!
Suddenly, Gloomtail is engulfed in pink smoke.
Gloomtail: What's this? ... Eep.
Roy: Aha! It's working! Stupid dragon! Did you really think you could EVER hurt me?!
Iggy: Phew! For a moment, I thought we were...
When the smoke clears, Gloomtail is indeed be a Yoshi, but he hasn't shrunk at all, so instead of a giant dragon, Roy and Iggy have a giant Yoshi before them.
Iggy: -doomed...
Roy: ...
Gloomtail grins evilly.
Hammer Brother: Left hand blue. Left hand blue.
Fire Brother: I win!
Dry Bones: This is the last time I ask for a role in a story.
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