One calm night at the Mushroom Kingdom Casino, the fiercest of foes are facing each other in Blackjack. The winner will receive all the contents of the pot. Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser are facing Mario, Luigi, and Wart. The pot already contains a golden Phanto Mask, Bowser's chopper keys and wallet, Waluigi's overalls, Wario's hat, and Luigi's Mr. L costume.
Luigi: There goes-a my dream of-a being a superhero...
Bowser: ARGH, I have the worst hand ever. *wink, wink*
Wario: Oh yeah? At least you HAVE a hand. Mario smashed mine for cheating!
Mario: I swear, if I see you take another card from the bottom, I'll aim for your head!
Wario: Eep!
Waluigi: HA HA! I got six 3s! That adds up to twenty-one!
Bowser: Wait, you have six cards?
Waluigi: Uhhhh... Yes.
Mario: CHEATER!!!
Mario smacks Waluigi's hand with a hammer.
Waluigi: OW!!!
Bowser: HA! Two 10s!
Bowser lays his cards down, but Mario counters with a dumbfounding act.
Mario: Prepare to face my custom made twenty-one card!
Mario lifts up his hand and shows everyone the card, and they all laugh like nuts. Except for Bowser, who is speechless.
Mario: Looks like you're broke, Bowser. Now hand over that picture of Clawdia!
Bowser: Aw, come on!
Mario: Fork it over, Koopa Poopa.
Bowser: You know I hate being called that! *sniff* Okay, here you go...
Bowser hands over the picture of Clawdia to Mario, who snickers at it.
Mario: Oh! And this picture has her phone number on it! Nice.
Bowser: Aw, shoot! I'm outta valuable belongings! And money!
Wario: I CALL DIBS ON THE WATCH!
Wario grabs the watch and shoves it in his pocket.
Bowser: Hey, I still have my credit card-
Mario: MINE!
Mario takes it and shoves it in his pocket.
Waluigi: I call the Mr. L costume!
Luigi: Why?!
Waluigi: I'll dye the hat purple and declare myself Mr. Ã!
Luigi: You-a totally ripped me off!
Waluigi: En garde!
Luigi and Waluigi begin sissy-slapping each other until they eventually pass out from exhaustion.
Wario: Morons.
Bowser sighs and staggered his way home, only to find the Koopalings waiting at the welcome mat.
Ludwig: Hi, King Dad!
Bowser: Kids, there's no easy way to say this, so I'll come right out with it. I...
Before Bowser can say it, he is hit with a disturbing thought...
Bowser's Thought...
Wendy: Daddy! Daddy! Buy me this new dress!
Ludwig: Buy me some more chemicals!
Roy: Get me a new Iggy, I think I broke my old one!
Iggy: Ow...
Bowser: I'm sorry kids, but... We're broke.
Koopalings: KILL HIM!!!
The Koopalings tackle Bowser and begin wailing on him.
Bowser: GAH!!!
End...
Bowser shudders. He then realizes the mistake he would make, and instead says…
Bowser: -am the best dad EVER!!!
Koopalings: YAY!!!
Bowser: Who's up for pizza?
Koopalings: WE ARE!!!
Bowser: Then I hope you don't mind paying!
Koopalings: ...
The next morning, the Koopalings notice their reptilian father acting rather strange, so Roy and Ludwig begin spying on him.
Roy: So, what're we doing, Ludwig?
Ludwig: King Dad's been acting strange. He hasn't watched Sailor Moon in weeks, which is not like him at all. He usually grabs some popcorn and chows down while watching it too, and he hasn't even touched the popcorn!
Roy: Wow, even I go for the popcorn sometimes. Let's do this!
Roy and Ludwig shimmy across the wall until they happen upon Bowser sitting on the couch watching some Soap Opera, with a tub of ice cream and Kleenex boxes.
Bowser: *sniff* Don't worry Martha, I know how you feel, I lost someone special to me, too!
Bowser holds up a picture of himself next to a solid gold safe filled with gold coins.
Bowser: *sniff* I miss you so!
Bowser hugs the picture. Ludwig and Roy stare at each other.
Roy: That must be a picture of Peach!
Ludwig: Of course, he hasn't kidnapped her in weeks! It all makes sense!
Roy: Then let's go get her! Mario doesn't much care for her, anyway!
Ludwig: It seems to me that we share a mind, somehow.
Roy: Well, I've just lost mine now that you've told me that.
Ludwig: Okay...
So Ludwig and Roy set off to kidnap, only to triumphantly fail and return to the castle after being smacked by a frying pan.
Ludwig: Ugh, now how could that have happened?
Roy: Well first off, you rang the doorbell, which is very “out of league” for an evil genius. Second, you asked "Can we please kidnap you?" And finally, you told her it was my idea!
Ludwig: I... err... Shut up. At least we got an equal punishment.
Roy: Wrong again, my dear Watson. Because you told her that it was my idea, she hit me harder than you. And it appears this konk to the head enabled me to grow intelligent.
Ludwig: Shut up your... Uh, face... Wait, what?!
Roy: It appears that your intelligence has dropped, however, heh heh.
Ludwig: Never mind that! We have to find a way to get Father back to his old self again! Somehow, we must prevail before it's too late!
Roy: Indeed! We must persist with the kidnapping!
Finally, after about three-thousand and-one attempted kidnappings gone wrong, the exhausted princess finally gives in and follows Roy and Ludwig to Bowser's Keep.
Peach: So... Why am I here?
Ludwig: Just play along and read your cue card.
Roy: King Dad, we have a present for you!
Bowser is laying on the couch under about four-hundred bags of potato crisps. He groans, looks up, and gasps.
Bowser: GASPORS! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!
Ludwig: Yes, King Dad, we have brought you the princess! (whispering) Cue!
Peach: What? Oh. (monotone) Hello, Bowser, you big lug. I lub you.
Ludwig: That's a v!
Peach: (monotone) I mean, I luv you.
Bowser runs over and grabs Peach, takes her wallet, and tosses her out the window. He then reaches into the wallet and grabs all the coins, bills, and credit cards. He then jumps and cheers with delight.
Peach: Aaaaiiieee!
Ludwig: Wha?!
Roy: But... That's... WHAT?!
Ludwig: King Dad, I thought you-
Bowser: Were broke? Was, son! But not no more! Once I raid Peach's numerous bank accounts, we're going to be millionaires again!
Ludwig: So...
Roy: We were broke?
Bowser: Don't mention this to Wendy, or it's the dungeon for you for the rest of the week!
Roy and Ludwig: HAIL KOOPA!
Bowser: That's more like it! Now, where did I put my princess...
Roy: (to Ludwig) Should we tell him?
Ludwig: Nah, he'll find out...
Peach: (from outside castle) Ow... I feel funny.
Bowser: Who said that? GHOSTS?! I'm sorry I raided your burial ground! Don't hurt me!
Bowser ducks and quivers.
Ludwig: ... Or not.
Whoops! You're not logged in! |