Luigi: Mario, why don’t you go outside and play some sports instead of sitting on that couch all day like a couch potato? No wonder you’re so F-A-T.Mario: Yay! I like topatos!

Just then, the doorbell rang. Luigi opened the door and a delivery guy came inside Mario and Luigi’s house holding a shiny new Wii game.

Delivery Guy: Delivery for Mario Mario!

Mario: I’m Mama Luigi!

Luigi: He’s Mario Mario.

Delivery Guy: Then here’s the shiny new Wii game you ordered!

Mario: Me!

Mario popped the Wii game into his sticky, chocolate-covered Wii and started playing the game. It was a game rated M for Mature called “Rockin’ Killin’ Gun Bros. 9000 X”. Mario picked up his Wii remote and started chewing on it.

Mario: You play?

Luigi: No way! This isn’t even appropriate for you, Mario! Give me the remote!

Luigi grabbed the remote out of Mario’s slimy, wet hand. Mario bit on Luigi’s hand to get the remote back.

Luigi: YEOWCH!

Mario: Hee hee! I like to play Unicorn Sisters Fluffy Puff Girls! You play now!

Luigi: I already said no! I don’t want my heart temporarily failing on me every few minutes for a fifth of an hour! How did you even order this game anyway? You have the IQ of a mentally deranged dust mite.

Mario: Ooh! His eyes are going round and round!

Luigi: AHH! I’m turning this game off!

Luigi tried to smash the Wii with a sledgehammer but the sticky chocolate on the Wii console absorbed the blows.

Luigi: Ok, that’s it. I’m calling the PAF (Plit Army Force)!

A few seconds later, three large, tough guys in black suits busted into the house.

Tough Guy #1: What’s the problem?

Mario: We like ponies!

Tough Guy #2: Hmm. Take the green one away!

Luigi: What are you doing to me? I’m not the girly boy, he is!

Tough Guy #3: He can’t be. He’s playing Rockin’ Killin’ Gun Bros. 9000 X. No girly boy would ever play that.

Luigi: NOOOO! Peach! Toad! Bowser! Somebody! Help!

Peach busted into the house along with Toad, Bowser, and Somebody.

Peach: Wait! He’s innocent! I’ve seen him go through minefields without being scared the least bit!

Toad: His brother isn’t manly enough to shave, so Luigi shaves his face for him!

Bowser: He can take me on no problem when Mario’s too busy crying in the corner like a baby!

Somebody: What am I doing here?

Tough Guy #1: Hmm. Okay, nobody’s in trouble.

Tough Guy #2: Want to go to Burger King!

Tough Guy #3: Oh yeah! Let’s go!

All of the tough guys, Peach, Toad, Bowser and Somebody walked out of Mario and Luigi’s house to go to Burger King.

Luigi: I wish all of that were true. If there’s one thing that Mario’s better at than me, it’s not being scared. I guess the dope really is manlier than me.

Mario: This game boring! Me play ponies! Weeeeeeeeeee!

Mario skipped out of the house into a meadow of flowers.

Luigi: If I want to be manlier than Mario, I’ll have to be able to play this game without being scared first.

1.2342 seconds later…

Luigi: AHHHHHH! IT’S SO SCARY! MY EYES! IT BURNS! AHHHHHH!

1/5 of an hour later…

Luigi: I’m glad that’s over. Now where was I… AHHHHHH! IT’S SO SCARY! MY EYES! IT BURNS! AHHHHHH!

Mario: Now Mario outside and Luigi on couch being lazy! Stupid couch topato! Ooh! Topatos!