Announcer: LIVE FROM PRINCESS PEACH’S CASTLE IN THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM, IT'S MARIO NIGHT LIVE! AND NOW THE PLUMBER WHO LOVES CHEESE... IT'S MARIO!
Audience: WOAH WHOO HOO.
Mario comes out onstage
Mario: Hello, and welcome to-
Audience: MARIO NIGHT LIVE!
Mario: Thanks for coming tonight. Now you're probably wondering why I'm in a dress, well it's a funny story. You see I made a bet with Luigi and Yoshi that I would not eat cheese for a week. So I agreed, but I LOVE CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE. I can't stand being away from it for even a minute. So since I lost I have to wear a dress for the rest of the show. I know, it's very humiliating.
The audience has not stopped laughing since Mario came out.
Mario: Anyway, we have a full lineup of shows for you tonight, but first, our themesong.
Mario Mario it is night so get live Mario Night Live.
Mario: Thank, you and now here's a word from our sponsor.
Mushrooms, they save your life.
Mario: Now we have a brand new skit tonight starring Peach, the second love of my life besides cheese. So here's the new skit, Slumber Party.
The curtains open.
Slumber Party
Peach: Hi, and welcome to my slumber party. I invited some of my best friends and my sister Daisy (who I loathe with a vengeance) to my slumber party.
Peach turns to her guests.
Peach: So what do we talk about tonight? I know, let's talk about pink.
Daisy: No. Let's talk about how pretty I look tonight.
Birdo: No, let's talk about Yoshi and the fact that I'm going to marry him someday.
Toadette: I know, let's tell the viewers about the stuff we do on-
Everyone: SLUMBER PARTY!
Peach: Great idea. Here on Slumber Party we talk about who the cutest Mario character is, fanmail, and even... pranks.
Peach gets out the bag of makeup and perfume.
Peach: For now let's do our fanmail.
Toadette: How can we have fanmail when this is our first show?
Peach: It's not fanmail for the show, it's for me.
Daisy: Of course it's always for Peach, the pretty, popular, ditsy blond who rules the Mushroom Kingdom and-
Peach: WHO YOU CALLING A DITSY BLOND?
Peach and Daisy get into a catfight
Birdo: They’re doing it again, getting into a fight.
Toadette: I know, they do that every time. I just wish they would qui... Hey, I heard something from outside.
Birdo: Will you two shut up? Toadette heard something.
Peach goes to look out the window, and screams
Peach: AHHH! It’s a robber.
All the girls huddle against the wall as the robber climbs in. He then pulled his mask off.
Wario: Yes! I figured a way in here.
Peach: What are you doing here? This is a girls’ slumber party. No boys allowed.
Wario: I came here to finally get what I deserve... a kiss from a pretty princess!
All Girls: Ewwwwwww!
Wario: Heheheh... You’re all so excited!
Peach: We are not kissing you, now get out or I’ll call the guards.
Wario: And if you do, then I’ll send these pictures of Daisy during an embarrassing situation at last year’s Christmas party!
Daisy: NO! Peach, don’t let him do that or I’ll kill you! Just kiss him or something!
Peach: You had a rep?
Daisy hits Peach over the head with a cheese grater.
Toadette: There must be some way we can get rid of him.
Peach: I know a way. People, we are now going to have out first makeover!
Wario: ??? On who?
The girls come over to Wario.
Wario: Nooooooooooooooooooo-
5 hours later...
Wario is dressed like a female clown, with a broken cinderblock on his head. Daisy takes a picture of him. He is also tied up during the snapshot.
Wario: NOOOOO! Don’t sell the photo!
Peach: We won’t if you leave... within eight seconds!
Wario: Ok!
Daisy knocks him out of the window with a toaster.
Wario: AAAHHHH!
Peach: Well this is it for tonight’s slumber party. See you next time on-
All but the now-girly clown Wario: SLUMBER PARTY!
Mario: I feel Wario’s pain. And now for our sponsor.
DK: Do you want to rock like me? Well now you can with my new Donkey Kongo Bongos!
Diddy is seen tapping on one and his hands break through without any actual effort.
Diddy: HEY! These are cheap!
DK: Uhhhhhhh... ;Ignore that. Buy them now!
Warning: These bongos are very cheap.
Mario: And now for another newbie skit called Kolorado’s Super Quests.
Kolorado’s Super Quests!
Kolorado: Cheerio. My name is Professor Kolarado and here is my super quest.
Bum bum bum de bum de de bum.
We find Prof. Kolorado in a dark alley.
Kolarado: Today we are going to try to find the ancient scroll of information. With me today is my assistant, Toad.
Toad: Why am I with this idiot?
Kolarado: Would you rather be with Luigi in his one adventure series?
Toad: I like you better.
Kolarado: All right, now then. This dark alley has many dangerous creatures and traps, and it’s even... DARK!
Toad: It’s not that dark, and the only creatures here are Meow-Meows, and possibly Chain Chomps.
Kolorado: Smashing. Yes, like I said, many dangerous creatures. Well let’s begin. As we walk down you’ll see some particles on the ground and even waste products.
Toad: It’s only trash...
Kolorado: Like I said, waste products. Wait, stop right here. I think I just spotted something ahead. Yes.
Kolorado calls for the camera to come closer.
Kolorado: Here I have just found a metal container that looks very ancient.
Toad: That’s just a dirty dumpster.
Kolorado: Are you daft, woman? This container may contain the ancient scroll of information.
A garbage truck comes, and dumps everything in the dumpster into the truck, with no scroll.
Toad: See? It’s just a dumpster.
Kolorado: Then what about the one next to it?
Kolorado goes to open the can. A Chain Chomp pops up from the can.
Kolorado: Look here at this black creature, with white teeth, a long chain erupting from its bottom, and giant eyes. It looks round and small, but must be dangerous!
Toad: THAT’S A CHAIN CHOMP! GET AWAY FROM ITS MOUTH!
The Chomp gets angry and snaps its mouth closed, with Kolorado's hand in the mouth.
Kolorado: YEOW! I say, that hurts!
Toad pulls Kolorado from the Chain Chomp and out of the alley.
Kolorado: I say, that was particularly dangerous. Let’s press on, shall we?
2 hours later...
Toad: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WE SEARCHED THIS WHOLE %^&# ALLEY!
Kolorado: I say, no swearing on this show! We are gentlemen. We must find the scroll of information.
Toad: Well, for all I know, it could be in your pocket!
Kolorado: I say, that’s ridiculous! I’ll show as well by- OH! IT IS IN MY POCKET!
He pulls it out.
Toad: THIS IS A #$%^# GROCERY LIST!
Kolorado: Well I say, yes. There is a really funny story about that, you see...
Kolorado’s Wife: KOLORADO, DID YOU GET THE GROCERIES YET?
Toad looks at Kolorado with murder in his eyes.
Kolorado: Well I say, that’s all the time we have on Kolorado’s Super Quests.
Mario: What an idiot. At least I have brains. Now here’s another quick skit starring my amigo Luigi. Yes, I’m going Spanish. So what?
Luigi sings love to an inanimate object
Luigi is now holding a tender purloin.
Luigi: Love me tender, love me sweet. Never let me go. For if there’s another one, I’ll always love you sooo. Love me tender, love me so, I will-
The tender purloin is now seen whacking Luigi. The following scenes are too graphic to show. Go back to Mario.
Mario: Sorry about that folk. Uhhh, here’s a commercial break.
Waluigi walks in dressed like asparagus.
Waluigi: Tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes, everyone eat tomatoes!
Why are you dressed like asparagus?
Waluigi: I like asparagus better... Sue me.
Commercial ends. The scene shows up as this episode’s last skit, a new one, Koopa Burger.
Luigi walks in dressed in a tuxedo and tie (and sporting a bandage. Mario is wiping the counter and singing On Top of Spaghetti.
Luigi: Hem hem.
Mario looks up.
Mario: Welcome to the Koopa Burger, home of the Koopa Burger, can I give you pickles?
Luigi: What?
Director: Cut! Mario, why are you wearing a dress?
Mario: I made a bet with Luigi and I lost. So I have to wear this dress for the entire show.
Director: For the entire episode?
Luigi: A bet’s a bet.
Director: Fine. Action.
Luigi: What?
Mario: I said welcome to the Koopa Burger, home of the Koopa Burger, can I give you pickles?
Luigi: I’m sorry, I don’t like pickles, and really I just came to see if there’s a bathroom.
Mario: Sorry, but the bathroom is for paying customers only cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese.
Luigi: My name is not cheese, and I don’t even like cheese.
Mario: I wish I was an Oscar Mayer wiener.
The manager comes out; he looks a lot like Larry.
Larry: I am sorry, sir. You see, Mario is the new guy and he gets nervous. (whispering into Luigi’s ear). He is also on smart medication. Which means every two hours he has to take the medicine if he wants to act smart.
Luigi: I really need to use the bathroom, so can I please use it?
Larry: Sorry, the bathroom is for paying customers only. So if you want to order something, order it from Mario.
Luigi: But you just said he needs to take his medication.
Larry: I AM ALSO ON MEDICATION, AND IT’S FOR MY ANGER!!!
Luigi: Fine. I’ll order a Koop burger.
Mario: What about fries?
Luigi: I don’t like fries.
Mario: WHAT, YOU DON’T LIKE FRIES?! How could you not like fries?!
Luigi: Fine, I’ll take fries.
Mario: Cheese fries?
Luigi: I don’t like cheese fries either.
Mario: WHAT?! YOU DON’T LI-
Luigi: FINE, I’LL TAKE THE CHEESE FRIES!
Mario I am sorry, but we don’t serve fries of any kind here.
Luigi: BUT YOU JUST SAID FOR ME TO ORDER SOME!
Mario: Sir, as you can see I am a busy man and the restaurant is a full house today.
The entire restaurant is empty.
Luigi: Fine, just give me some tea and my burger.
Mario: Coming right up.
The tray comes out with a burger and a napkin with a t on it.
Luigi: Where’s my tea?
Mario: Right there.
Luigi: THIS IS NOT WHAT I ORDERED. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO TO THE BATHROOM. BUT NOW I AM STUCK IN THIS RESTAURANT WITH AN IDIOT AND A GUY WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES. I HATE THE LETTER T, IT’S SOOOO STUPID.
Mr. T walks in.
Mr. T: Who you calling stupid, fool?!
Luigi runs out of the restaurant like a little girl.
Mario: Have a nice day.
Back to the stage…
Mario: Well that’s it for tonight, folks, and for those of you watching, I’m not really stupid, I just act it to drive Luigi crazy. Goodnight, everybody. (Next time no dress.)
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