Warning: The stunts performed on this program are not to be attempted by anyone, anytime, or anywhere. Seriously, do not try this a home. Your mom worries about you.
Luigi: Hello, and welcome to the first episode of Luigi's Bone Busters! Today, our lovely assistant is... Toad!
Toad: Someone untie me so I can rid Luigi of his spine.
Luigi: No can do, Toad!
Toad: I hate you.
Luigi: Now, to get started. Today, we'll be forcing Toad to fight a live gator! Are you ready, Toad?
Toad: NO!
Luigi: Good, now let's get things started!
Luigi grabs Toad, throws him in the passenger side of the Red Fire, drives him to the Mushroom Kingdom Zoo, and dumps him in the gator's pond.
Toad: Ack!
Luigi: Good luck!
Toad is walking around in the water, the Jaws theme playing.
Toad: Something just swam by my leg!
Luigi: Ooh, this is gonna be good.
Toad then trips and falls headfirst into the water. As he gets up, a gator is standing in front of him.
Toad: Oh, @#$%!
The gators tackles Toad into the water, and an amusing struggle takes place.
Toad: MY SPLEEN!!!
Luigi: You at least have to last two minutes!
Toad: LET GO OF MY LEG, @#$% GATOR!!!
Gator: Never!
They continued to struggle until the gator picks up Toad by his jaws and hurls him into Luigi.
Luigi: EWW!!! You're covered in gator spit!
Toad: Ugh...
Luigi: Now, we shall see if Toad can withstand being catapulted 50,000 kilometres onto a trampoline, and back to me!
Luigi ties Toad up and puts him into the launching end of the catapult.
Toad: Luigi, I'm going to count to three, and when I do, you’d BETTER UNTIE ME AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!
Luigi: Agreed.
Toad: One!
Luigi fires him.
Toad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Toad misses the trampoline and rockets into a tree, his hat caught on a branch.
Toad: I hate this show...
Luigi: Well, that was a failure. Onto the next bone-busting minigame! Toad, you are trapped within a building.
Toad: So?
Luigi: Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention: we booby-trapped it.
Toad: Figures.
Luigi leads Toad to a large building.
Luigi: Okay, you'll need to reach the top, avoiding various traps. While doing so, you must collect 3 keys, so you may unlock the door at the top. Once unlocked, you must defuse an active Bulky Bob-omb by answering various riddles.
Toad: ... Meep.
Luigi: I shall start the stop watch in three, two, one, NOW!
Toad runs in the building and down a hallway. However, he steps on a button and tranquilizer darts shoot from the walls. One hits Toad in the butt.
Toad: Ow!
He continues, and steps on another button, triggering various explosions.
Toad: Argh!
He advances, stepping on yet another button, causing the room to fill up with scarabs.
Toad: Run! Argh! Ew!
He barely avoids the scarabs, and remembers the keys he has to collect. He then has to go back and gather them, after being burnt, shot at, and bitten. He then reaches the door and unlocks it. He closes it, and walks up to the Bulky Bob-omb.
Bulky Bob-omb: Question number 1: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
Toad: Blind as a bat.
Bulky Bob-omb: Very good. Question number 2: There was a plane crash. Not a single person survived. However, 50 couples walked away from the plane. How is this possible?
Toad: Not a SINGLE person survived. As in, not married.
Bulky Bob-omb: Almost there. Final question: A person was shot in their car. However, the windows and doors were locked, and there was no bullet hole or damage whatsoever. How did this happen?
Toad: It was a convertable.
Bulky Bob-omb: NO!!! HOW COULD YOU HAVE ANSWERED EVERY ONE?! DIE!!!
BOOM!!!
Toad is blown out of the building, and lands on Luigi.
Luigi: Ow!
Toad: My pancreas...
Luigi: Well, that's it for episode one! Join us next time for more bone-crunching fun!
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