One day Mario characters played sports. Sounds good, right? Oh you silly silly *insert gender here*.

Tennis

Mario: Think fast Peach.

He serves the ball.

Mario (now in waiter suit): What will you have for lunch, sir or madam?

Ball: ....

Mario: Good choice!

He hits it with his racket.

Peach: AH! Oh wait, it hit the net. bounced back at Mario, he dodged, it hit the wall, rebounded, smacked Toads' face, then rebounded again, hit a nuclear power plant, and caused an explosion that destroyed Dinosaur Land. Never mind.

Golf

Luigi: FORE!

Yoshi: Yoshi can count to four! 1... 2... 3... 79... 5...

The ball hits Yoshi in the nose.

Yoshi: That didn't hur- AW! IT WENT IN MY NOSE! STUPID CORNPIE!

Who's that?

Cornpie: You, genius.

So are you.

Cornpie: Actually, I'm...

DA DA DUN!

LUCAS!

Lucas: Yup. PSI THUNDER!

He flies away.

Luigi: That was pointless.

Yoshi: So is your score.

Luigi-0, Yoshi-1

Luigi: ...

The ball comes out of Yoshi and flies to the moon, then falls back down, then lands in the water.

Luigi: Double Bogey.

Yoshi: I know, it was in my nose.

Luigi: ....

Luigi blows up.

Baseball DK: I'm gonna get a home run.

He runs home and back in 2 seconds.

DK: YAY!

Lakitu: FOUL!

DK: WHO YOU CALLIN A CHICKEN?!

Lakitu: That guy.

He points to a white Fly Guy.

White Fly Guy: FLY GUYS AREN'T IN THIS GAME!

He blows up.

Bowser: I'm gonna strike ya out.

He rolls the ball like a bowling ball.

Diddy (Umpire): OW! IT HIT A ROCK AND FLEW INTO MY EYE! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Bowser: Oops.

Soccer

Mario kicks the ball. GOAL!

Luigi kicks the ball. GOAL!

Peach kicks the ball. GOAL!

Birdo kicks the ball GOAL!

Wendy kicks the ball. FOUL!

Wendy: But it went in the goal.

Alligator Guy: That was your own goal.

Wendy: D'oh!

Basketball

Waluigi: I'm tall! I'll WIN!

He dances joyfully and then trips on a pebble.

Wario: Cool. I WIN!

Shy Guy comes and puts Wario in his mask.

Wario: AAAAAHHH! NOBODY SHOULD BE FORCED TO SEE MARIO'S FACE! (See "Shy Mask".)

He dissolves. Shy Guy shoots 7 hoops and wins.

And that's how dumb Mario characters are in sports.

Mario: Let's-a play FOOTBALL!

Everyone else: OKAY!

O_o

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Now no sport is safe.

Sonic: I'm scared of the Olympics now.

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