Dark Koopa: We were shut down for like three weeks. You happy for not pledging, people?!

Audience: Yes.

(The audience is obliterated in a gruesome manner I'm too lazy to describe.)

Dark Koopa: I should just get to it.

Thumbs: Uh...

Dark Koopa: What?

Thumbs: Why are we still sitting at these phones?

Dark Koopa: We still need monies.

Thumbs: What are monies?

Dark Koopa: Slang.

Thumbs: Slang for what?

Dark Koopa: Money.

Thumbs: Oh... What's monies again?

Dark Koopa: Forget it. Pura, wake up.

Pura: Zzz- Ungh, wha?

Dark Koopa: Just stay awake.

Pura: That's hard.

Dark Koopa: I know. Just try anyway.

Pura: All right.

Dark Koopa: Now then. I guess I'll begin-

Pura: Zzz...

Dark Koopa: -the Interview.

Spike Top: Yay.

Dark Koopa: Not yay.

Spike Top: Not yay?

Dark Koopa: Exactly. You exist.

Spike Top: Aww... Well, I could change that.

Dark Koopa: Please do so.

Lemmy: Wait. Gotta do the Interview first.

Dark Koopa: Bleah.

Spike Top: Yay.

Dark Koopa: Why do you exist?

Spike Top: I was born.

Dark Koopa: Why are you called Spike Top?

Spike Top: If it wasn't obvious, my shell has a spike on top of it.

Dark Koopa: Only one spike? You are very much inferior to the Spiny.

Spike Top: Well, I guess we're a little weaker.

Dark Koopa: But you also seem to be immune to fire?

Spike Top: Well yeah, we're so used to being around heat it doesn't affect us.

Dark Koopa: Why are all Spike Tops red?

Spike Top: They're not. That's just the most common color.

Dark Koopa: I take it you like dark places?

Spike Top: Dark and hot, yes.

Dark Koopa: We should ask audi- Oh wait, they died in that gruesome manner I was too lazy to describe. Thumbs.

Thumbs: Yeah, so I'd like three cheeseburgers, four large fries-

Dark Koopa: Thumbs!

(Thumbs hangs up.)

Thumbs: Yes?

Dark Koopa: Ask a question.

Thumbs: Where are your other spikes?

Spike Top: We're a different species from a Spiny. We're born with only one.

VG: Haha! You have less spikes than me! You loser!

(VG rides away on a moose.)

Thumbs: Crazy Canadian Spinies.

Dark Koopa: Why do you work for Bowser?

Spike Top: Most of us don't, actually. We just hate loud people, and Mario is very loud!

Dark Koopa: Hax.

Spike Top: Wha?

Dark Koopa: Oh, nothing. Uh, what would happen if your spike was pulled off?

Spike Top: Well, it would hurt. A lot. But besides that, we'd just look like a Buzzy Beetle.

Dark Koopa: Does it grow back?

Spike Top: Well, as long as it's not ripped out completely, it'll grow back in a few weeks, yes.

(Pura gets hit in the back of the head with a plastic sword, but doesn't wake up.)

Thumbs: That was weird.

Dark Koopa: The power of boredom compells you. Yeah. End transmission.

(The interviewee chair explodes.)

Spike Top: *cough* I'm okay...

Lemmy: Um... wow.